Your roles as a caregiver
You’ll act in many different capacities as you provide care.
Cancer touches more people than
just those who receive the diagnosis.
If your spouse, parent, child, or close
friend has cancer, you may find yourself
in the role of primary caregiver
and advocate during treatment and,
in some cases, through an extended
recovery period. You’ll be indispensable
in many ways — and among the
most important is encouraging the
person you love to be as independent
as he or she can be.
Playing different roles
There are many ways to
be an effective caregiver.
You can provide emotional
support. You can
take over the routine tasks
like shopping and paying
the bills. You can be driver
and companion during
appointments and treatments.
And, in some cases,
you may help with some of
the routine tasks of daily living, with
giving medications, or taking care of
other physical needs.
No two caregivers have exactly the
same experience, so it can be difficult
to know, as you begin, exactly what
role you’ll be playing. And you should
also be prepared for change as the
needs of the person you’re helping
evolve. You may find yourself once
again simply spouse, child, or parent
and no longer a caregiver. Or you may
find that providing care assumes an
increasingly large part of your life.
Resource and sounding board
One of the best ways to be an effective
caregiver is to learn all you can about
the particular type of cancer that the
person you’re helping is confronting.
You can begin your research with
the websites of the American Cancer
Society and the National Cancer
Institute or by calling their toll-free
numbers. You can also investigate
organizations focused on the specific
cancer you’re interested in and the
research arms of accredited cancer
treatment facilities.
With what you’ve learned, you
can serve as a more effective sounding
board if your family member or
friend is struggling to choose a course
of action. However, you must also be
prepared to have your preferences and
even professional recommendations
ignored. It’s essential to respect and
support the choices the person with
cancer makes, even if you and the
medical team would have made a
different decision.
Caregiver and advocate
One place where your help may be
especially valuable is as a companion
and advocate during the frequent
meetings with doctors, nurses, technicians,
and other specialists.
These appointments can often be
stressful and confusing. By going to
them together, you can help ensure that your family member or friend
raises all his or her concerns, understands
the advice that’s given, and
recalls decisions that are made — since
one person often catches something
another one misses. On the other
hand, remember that being part of
these consultations isn’t your decision.
You can volunteer, but you can’t insist
if the person you’re helping prefers to
go alone.
If you do attend, it’s a good idea
to help prepare for each visit ahead
of time together, writing down any
questions either of you has or information
you need so that you can be
sure to remember to ask. If the medical
team uses technical terminology you
suspect neither of you understands,
you can ask that it be explained.
In some cases you may need to
speak on behalf of the person in
your care, especially if there are
differences of opinion on the best
course of action. But even if you are
leading the discussion, make sure it’s a
three-way exchange, not one between
you and the doctors.
Moving forward
When the treatment phase ends,
returning to a normal routine is
another adjustment. It’s a good idea
to refocus the household’s energy
on the recovery process, regaining
strength, and staying healthy.
Keep in mind that you may notice
symptoms or long-term side effects
of treatment — like weight loss, moodiness,
or memory loss — that your
loved one may not be aware of. Talk
about any changes that trouble you,
and make sure to mention any new
symptoms at follow-up appointments.
Many caregivers say that they feel
on edge during this period, constantly
worrying about a complication or
recurrence. You may find it helps to
discuss these fears with friends, a
caregiver network you belong to,
or a professional counselor.