Missing Her

The loss Im feeling at the moment is so hard to explain. My mother died just over two months ago on the 15th of December 06 so the pain is very raw at the moment. We as a family watched her go through all the emotions from disbelief from when she was first diagnosed to the pain she felt when she passed away.

My Mother was my best friend and to watch her suffer the last three months of her life was so hard for me to do.She came to live with me as she was too sick to be left alone in her own home.Trying to get her to eat was almost impossible she lost so much weight during her illness she only had her vitamin drink but even then it was a mission to get her to take it. We use to talk often about things, she didn't want to leave us but all I can remember is wakeing up every morning and wishing she had gone in her sleep. You see she was in alot of pain and I didn't want her to suffer any more but in her final week she had lost all her strength she couldn't even put a sentence together all she could do was whisper help, do you know how it feels when you hear your best friend ask for help and you don't know what she wants. We as a family took turns of being with her around the clock so that she wouldn't die on her own I had called her sisters up so that they could also be there Mum finally passed away on the 15th of December 06 so as you can imagine Christmas was pretty much a right off this year, this was the first Chrismas I had ever had that I didn't share with my Mother the pain I felt that day is the pain I'm feeling right now as I write this message I miss her everyday but she will live on in my memories forever.

 

On 3/6/2007 Loving Daughter wrote:

The loss Im feeling at the moment is so hard to explain. My mother died just over two months ago on the 15th of December 06 so the pain is very raw at the moment. We as a family watched her go through all the emotions from disbelief from when she was first diagnosed to the pain she felt when she passed away.

My Mother was my best friend and to watch her suffer the last three months of her life was so hard for me to do.She came to live with me as she was too sick to be left alone in her own home.Trying to get her to eat was almost impossible she lost so much weight during her illness she only had her vitamin drink but even then it was a mission to get her to take it. We use to talk often about things, she didn't want to leave us but all I can remember is wakeing up every morning and wishing she had gone in her sleep. You see she was in alot of pain and I didn't want her to suffer any more but in her final week she had lost all her strength she couldn't even put a sentence together all she could do was whisper help, do you know how it feels when you hear your best friend ask for help and you don't know what she wants. We as a family took turns of being with her around the clock so that she wouldn't die on her own I had called her sisters up so that they could also be there Mum finally passed away on the 15th of December 06 so as you can imagine Christmas was pretty much a right off this year, this was the first Chrismas I had ever had that I didn't share with my Mother the pain I felt that day is the pain I'm feeling right now as I write this message I miss her everyday but she will live on in my memories forever.

 

Sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my son a year ago. Biggest challenge in my life. he suffered so much. He had good days and bad days, as well. Not a day goes by that I don't shed tears from missing him so much. Someone said to me one day that God takes the best. Even tho I know my son is free of pain, no more suffering, the pain will never go away for me. I take every sweet memory I have of him and keep them alive. I talk about and to him alot as well. Losing a loved one is a very tough thing to go through. But in our hearts, memories they will live on through us. One day you will smile and think of your mom, and you will know in spirit she never left..Keep in touch. Ann

My mother died 30 years ago and it does get easier, but never better.  I was with her when she took her last breath and her final words to me were don't be scaired.  I was 24, had no brothers or sisters and no father.  When she did die I remember feeling she was finally out of pain and in a better place where she could be happy.  To this day, that is the only thing that gets me through and has allowed me to cope with the loss.  You to will find a way to get through this.  Your memories will allow you to heal and go on.

Hang in there.  Eve is right, it will get easier in time.  We lost our dad 4 years ago this month.  For a long time I couldnt think about him or talk about him with out breaking down in tears. I cried when ever I was alone.  Slowly, over the months it got easier. Now, only holidays and special days are really tough. 

 Hugs to you!

Thankyou for your kind words it is nice to know there are people out there who can relate to how I'm feeling. I use to be so blasae about grief when my Mother and I would talk I suppose I was trying to shield her from the guilt she was feeling about leaving us upset. I remember saying yes mum there will be a time of grief but we will get through it and come out the other side but I was so stupid I didn't know it would feel like this.

But thankyou once again and this Message Board has really helped me this week.   Alison.

 

 

I read your message the day you posted it and have been meaning to respond. I have been busy with my own mother who is fighting this cancer as we speak. She is having a tough week. Also I don't have a clue as to what to say. I know nothing I can say can take away the pain. This really hits home to me. I thought losing my Mama was my biggest fear, but I think now watching her suffer might be a bigger fear.

 My heart goes out to you and what you have been through. I do know time does help. My brother died almost 4 years ago and losing him is still painful at times, but I think more about the good times. I am glad the board has helped you. I pray that things will be better for you soon.

                                                                         Pat 

 

  

 

On 3/9/2007 Patty5 wrote:

I read your message the day you posted it and have been meaning to respond. I have been busy with my own mother who is fighting this cancer as we speak. She is having a tough week. Also I don't have a clue as to what to say. I know nothing I can say can take away the pain. This really hits home to me. I thought losing my Mama was my biggest fear, but I think now watching her suffer might be a bigger fear.

 My heart goes out to you and what you have been through. I do know time does help. My brother died almost 4 years ago and losing him is still painful at times, but I think more about the good times. I am glad the board has helped you. I pray that things will be better for you soon.

                                                                         Pat 

 

  

Hi Pat, This Cancer is very hard to watch because you don't know whats coming next and then your living it . I found the best thing to say to my mum is that I love her everyday and let her talk about her feelings don't try to shut her up if she talks about dying I know it's hard to listen but thats exactly what she needs to do.

There will come a time when she will want to sort things out like finances and the funeral let her do this be brave and help her she will be grateful for the help.

Talk to her about her life My Mother was so funny the things she would come up with we use to crack up all the time over her little jokes . One night myself and my niece were talking with Mum on her bed when my Husband poked his head around the corner and said "are you stabbing me in the back" quick as anything she said " Yea we are just trying to work out how we are going to do it."

Pat this is for you, if you need any one to talk to over this tme don't hesitate to get in touch with me. My heart goes out to you at his time.

Alison.