Don't Get It

I'm not sure who has read my story.    My dad 68 yrs was dx in July 2006.

He has pancreatic cancer..What I am struggling with at the moment is that last week he was in hospital very poorly, shaking, levels all over the place, pottassium in his blood etc. NOW  he is back home feeling better than he has since September...At christmas we thought that we were going to loose him and he pulled through. My dad was in a fire when he was young and spent many years having op's and skin graphs. They made him a new chin with the skin off his back..He has gone through all this and then PC strikes..It is horrible to watch this disease and to see the effect it has on everyone>>>>

Has anyone else had this experience when even Doctors are convinced this is it and they beat it back!!!?????

I do not know what to look for, what to expect or if like I've heard said that the sufferer seems really well and then it is sudden??

I'm 350 miles away from my dad and I cannot stop thinking about him and hoping that nothing will happen until I get there( am I being morbid?)

Fran 

I think you may find peaks and valleys along the way.  Times when he feels really well and times when he does not.  What treatment is he getting?  Ultimately, however, adenocarcinoma of the pancreas, stage 4 , is not cureable.  4-6 months with no treatment.  12-18 months with treatment.  Thats the average.

God Bless.

Fran,  I'm with you.  Your Dad is an amazing man with a tremendous will to live!  That's a gift.  No one can really answer the question "how long?"  and that I find most frustrating, also.  Like you, my dad is far away.  He's going through a low time, just after having a stent put in his bile ducts.  It doesn't seem to be working like they said it should.  He goes back to his doctor today for follow up.  Will he have to have another surgery??  I wish he could just go home and live out his days, but it seems he will need a lot of doctoring just to be comfortable.  He isn't fighting to live anymore- maybe it will go faster now???  I want to be there for him, but can't be all the time.  I get to go spend another week with him this month.  He's miserable, so I don't know if I'll be able to help lift his spirits.  Before, I could get him to laugh.  Now, I don't know...  Music may help....do you have any other ideas?

Hope you get to spend more time with your dad- are you close as father/daughter?  Life is short, lets make the best of it.  Take care, praying for you,  rt

I don't believe you were looking for an expiration date on your Dad. NO ONE has any idea how strong some of our loved ones are. My husband was dx in April 2005 with Esophageal Cancer. I believe stage 3. He has pulled through so many grave situations with a fierce will. Last August he had a tumor that mets to his brain. While getting whole brain radiation he planted a vegetable garden and planted flowers all around the house. Bought plants to hang everywhere. Now - when he planted all this - the weeds had to pulled, the soil prepared - HE DID IT ALL. In September after spending a month in the hospital, getting an EGD and a PDT treatment, then chemo before he came home, we were out fishing on a boat!!!! 

To the Onrx reply - I would hope you never post a reply like that ever again. She did not ask for any advice regarding a time limit. It was a cold, heartless reply. I could tell you your chances of survival next time you leave the house and the dx expiration date would be just as accurate - YOU DON"T KNOW!

So, my friend, None of us "Get it" - It is a roller coaster ride. Whenever I email friends and family,~ "If you want to see him, please come." I think they stop, just to see how well he is doing after he pulled through another trauma!

It's tough to know. When the time comes you will know. Your Dad will tell you. Best wishes and God Bless

On 3/8/2007 Rt4jc wrote:

Fran,  I'm with you.  Your Dad is an amazing man with a tremendous will to live!  That's a gift.  No one can really answer the question "how long?"  and that I find most frustrating, also.  Like you, my dad is far away.  He's going through a low time, just after having a stent put in his bile ducts.  It doesn't seem to be working like they said it should.  He goes back to his doctor today for follow up.  Will he have to have another surgery??  I wish he could just go home and live out his days, but it seems he will need a lot of doctoring just to be comfortable.  He isn't fighting to live anymore- maybe it will go faster now???  I want to be there for him, but can't be all the time.  I get to go spend another week with him this month.  He's miserable, so I don't know if I'll be able to help lift his spirits.  Before, I could get him to laugh.  Now, I don't know...  Music may help....do you have any other ideas?

Hope you get to spend more time with your dad- are you close as father/daughter?  Life is short, lets make the best of it.  Take care, praying for you,  rt

 rt

thanks for replying. 

I'm also hoping to go and see dad next month.I know what you mean when you say it is hard to get them to be up. Dad doesn't seem the same>>mind you I wonder who would with this illness? My dad is on chemo( but because he has been ill it has been very sporadic-)  also because of scar tissue from burns he was not a candidate for surgery.

Mum and dad have played the cards close to their chests about dad's illness and we( my siblings and  I) are really struggling to know where we are at. Thankfully reading on here and other sites has really helped me to understand somethings...Are you in England?? It just seems that the Americans have more freedom with their Doctors and they seem to talk more?? I really hope things go well with your dad at the Doctors...Keep you head up...I know it is hard. When I went to see dad last month he barely spoke and was a little grumpy with mum... He gets up about three times a night and so I was able to sit with him whilst mum rested. He spoke more about the outcome of his illness and I know that he knows I am not putting my head in the ground and pretending it is not happening...

My dad has lost a lot of weight...has yours?

He never mentions pain but I know he is in pain at times..

Sorry go on a bit...

Love to you and your dad 

On 3/8/2007 Lou38s wrote:

Not a very suportive post from me and I apologize for forgetting our purpose here.

no Problem we are all under a lot of stress and worry...

Hope all is well...

Fran 

Bless your heart, Fran. I can feel your fear, real and palpable. However, when you come to this site, rest assured, you are not alone. There is a lot of fear here...and a lot of hope.

My children are much more concerned about my longevity than I am. When I was first diagnosed two years ago with Advanced Renal Cell carcinoma (kidney cancer), they responded in a typically human fashion: Is he going to die? Why us? This is too cruel, not just to him, but to all of us.

I, on other hand, while I consoled them best I could, had other resolutions:

First, fight it well as I can.

Second, if I lose, let me do it gracefully.

Third, if losing comes let me go while I am as well as possible. Do not make me choose days or months of survival that I might not want. Our lives belong to us, not our wives, children, employers or anyboy else. Always respect that.

Your dad has already proven he is a great warrior. He also knows in his soul that one day the fight is going wear him own, either physically, mentally or both. You might be surprised to learn that he may not be nearly as terrified of the end of road as you are. I have learned that not only through my own experiences, but with many, many conversation with other warriors.

When your dad feels good, feel good with him. When he feels poorly help him with a genuine good attitude. I do not suggest weeping or gushing. Your father has gone through too much for that. I think he would most want respect, for the job he has done for your family and the good fight he has fought.

Every Stage Four cancer patient understands the disease can kill them. They don't talk about it but they know. What they really want is the space to live well while they can and the quality support to pass gracefully when the time comes. 

Dave

www.mpablog.typepad.com/david_foster