New Here

I am new to the board and although I wish I didn't have a reason to be here, I feel that I will benefit from being here.  My dad went yesterday for an endoscopy due to ongoing swallowing problems which began in December.  The found a large tumor in his esophagus and could not complete the scopy due to the size and risk.  He was sent for a stat CT scan and they did a biopsy.  We are awaiting results today or tomorrow.  My sisters and I are all in the healthcare industry and have done some research on the cancer and it is very depressing to me.

I feel helpless as I am down in florida and my parents are in western new york.  I have four small children and my husband travels weekly with his job so it is not an easy task for me to go up there.  I want to be there so badly but don't know whether I would do any good up there with at least my two preschoolers with me.

Has anyone on this board had a dx come back stage one or two when they had swallowing difficulties?  It seems like everyone is at least stage III.

I am overwhelmed with sadness but I am also shocked by the feelings of anger that have crept in.  I am angry at my dad for ignoring the signs for three months and for ignoring his health for the last 30 years.  He is a heavy (2+ pack a day)smoker and daily drinker(happy hour 2-3 drinks).  He also had esophageal webbing about 15-20 years ago and never really went back for follow-ups after the first year post sx.  I am angry that he might have been able to prevent this and chose not to.  I am angry that cigarettes were more important than his health.  I am angry that my mom may be alone during her golden years and that my children may never know their grandfather.  I feel really guilty for feeling this way.  Is this normal.

Thank you,

Debby

 

On 3/8/2007 Debbyw67 wrote:

I am new to the board and although I wish I didn't have a reason to be here, I feel that I will benefit from being here.  My dad went yesterday for an endoscopy due to ongoing swallowing problems which began in December.  The found a large tumor in his esophagus and could not complete the scopy due to the size and risk.  He was sent for a stat CT scan and they did a biopsy.  We are awaiting results today or tomorrow.  My sisters and I are all in the healthcare industry and have done some research on the cancer and it is very depressing to me.

I feel helpless as I am down in florida and my parents are in western new york.  I have four small children and my husband travels weekly with his job so it is not an easy task for me to go up there.  I want to be there so badly but don't know whether I would do any good up there with at least my two preschoolers with me.

Has anyone on this board had a dx come back stage one or two when they had swallowing difficulties?  It seems like everyone is at least stage III.

I am overwhelmed with sadness but I am also shocked by the feelings of anger that have crept in.  I am angry at my dad for ignoring the signs for three months and for ignoring his health for the last 30 years.  He is a heavy (2+ pack a day)smoker and daily drinker(happy hour 2-3 drinks).  He also had esophageal webbing about 15-20 years ago and never really went back for follow-ups after the first year post sx.  I am angry that he might have been able to prevent this and chose not to.  I am angry that cigarettes were more important than his health.  I am angry that my mom may be alone during her golden years and that my children may never know their grandfather.  I feel really guilty for feeling this way.  Is this normal.

Thank you,

Debby

I think your feelings are VERY normal.  You have anger which is a part of grief.  You have grief because you know the potential outcome of this.  Give things a few days to calm down and then just be there for your dad.  Let us know when you know more like a stage and tratment plan.

 

Welcme to the board Debby.  So sorry to hear about your dad.  I went through many of the same emotions when mom was diagnosed in January.  I was so mad that she hadnt done more follow up after her breast cancer. I was mad that she was still smoking.  I was mad at the world!  From there it went to mourning for her. She isnt gone, but we were mourning her and thinking how sad life would be with out her in it.  Then, things got better.

The warned her that this is a horrible disease. We looked at the info on the net. We were all scared and worried.  Things have not been all that bad so far.  She has been on a feeding tube, but is slowly weaning off from it. Today was day 5 of taking things orally rather then through the tube. Yesterday was the end of 22 rounds of radiation.   Today she is 1/2 way done with the 2nd round of chemo.  Its not easy, but it has not been the horrible ride they told us it would be.

Hang in there! Come here for support. Keep us posted on his progress.

Thank you.  I am glad to hear your mom is doing better.  My dad will be going to see the doctor tomorrow afternoon to get the results.  I will post when I know more.

 

Debby

Hi Debby -

Yes, your feelings are very normal!  My dad was diagnosed in 2005 and I was very shocked and saddened.  We are very close.  I will be praying for you and your dad.  My dad is holding his own right now...

Blessings,

Amy 

I hate that you had to come here Debby. I know about the roller coaster ride that your emotions go through. My mother is in stage 3 also. We were expecting stage 1 and were shocked to find out it was a 3. She is having chemo (2 kinds) and radiation. For 3 weeks she made it look easy. She is having a rough time right now but I am sure it could be worse. When I read about this cancer it scared me to death too. You really have to take it a day at a time. My mom STILL smokes if she is not to sick and can get one in her mouth. She only smokes about 1(cig) a day. Some days not any. I was angry too. Smoking has caused so many health problems for her. But now it doesn't matter. She has this and we have to deal with it and blaming her would only make it worse. People who don't smoke or drink get it too. Please let us know when you find out more. We are here for you. Take care. Pat

Your dad needs a feeding tube and although the path is not back yet it will be either an adeno carcinoma or a Squamous Cell cancer.  Best treatment based on description is chemo radiation, followed by surgery if possible.  If not possible then definitive chemo rads.  Some people think Chemo Rads is just as good as surgery with less near term morbidity but with either the results are less than stellar, but if it is localized he may have a chance. Good luck

 

On 3/8/2007 Debbyw67 wrote:

I am new to the board and although I wish I didn't have a reason to be here, I feel that I will benefit from being here.  My dad went yesterday for an endoscopy due to ongoing swallowing problems which began in December.  The found a large tumor in his esophagus and could not complete the scopy due to the size and risk.  He was sent for a stat CT scan and they did a biopsy.  We are awaiting results today or tomorrow.  My sisters and I are all in the healthcare industry and have done some research on the cancer and it is very depressing to me.

I feel helpless as I am down in florida and my parents are in western new york.  I have four small children and my husband travels weekly with his job so it is not an easy task for me to go up there.  I want to be there so badly but don't know whether I would do any good up there with at least my two preschoolers with me.

Has anyone on this board had a dx come back stage one or two when they had swallowing difficulties?  It seems like everyone is at least stage III.

I am overwhelmed with sadness but I am also shocked by the feelings of anger that have crept in.  I am angry at my dad for ignoring the signs for three months and for ignoring his health for the last 30 years.  He is a heavy (2+ pack a day)smoker and daily drinker(happy hour 2-3 drinks).  He also had esophageal webbing about 15-20 years ago and never really went back for follow-ups after the first year post sx.  I am angry that he might have been able to prevent this and chose not to.  I am angry that cigarettes were more important than his health.  I am angry that my mom may be alone during her golden years and that my children may never know their grandfather.  I feel really guilty for feeling this way.  Is this normal.

Thank you,

Debby

 

Hi Debby: It's quite simply a natural reaction to experience fear and anger when we love someone and fear losing them. Do not waste time getting angry at yourself for your reactions, just face the fear that's inside, acknowledge it and move on from it. The best you can do for your family, in my opinion, is offer your love and support. If it's not feasible to visit the family now, offer your mother the support through phone calls or in whatever way works for you. We all do the best we can in situations like these. elaine