Mom had to have emergency surgery

Hello again everyone. 

I first would like to say thank you to everyone on this board for all of your support.  My heart goes out to each and everyone of you and I am truly sorry for your loss.  One thing I am quickly learning, PC is a horrible horrible cancer and I pray to god that one day there will be a cure.   

I drove home on Thursday afternoon (2:30pm) to give my mom a milkshake (try to fatten her up).  By 3:00pm my daughter phoned me saying mom was throwing up blood.  We immediately drove her to the hospital where they did a scope and realized my mom had a blockage over her deudunum.  This blockage turned out to be her tumor which was much too large to remove.  They made another passage way for her stomach, this is suppose to alleviate her pain and allow her to have food (eventually).  Apparently her cancer has spread throughout her stomach and now it is a matter of time.  She is unoperable and I am not sure about Chemo.  We are praying she will make it through this surgery and at least become healthy enough to eat and have a semi-normal life until it is her time.  This is what I am upset about.  The doctors will not tell me any actual time frame......I wish I knew how long and what quality of life she can have.  This is very sad, even in her state, she is still worried about everyone else.  She is an amazing woman and mother, all of us sisters and my daughter love her with all our hearts...it is very sad to see her like this.  I only pray the remainder of her time here is without pain.

Bobbi

My heart goes out to you and your family. There are so many of us going through the same pain and frustrations with the unknown. My husband is going through so much right now, and, like your Mom, is more worried about everyone elses quality of life. I have just recently come to terms with that one. As far as time, no one does really know. We may want thier suffering to end because it hurts us so badly to see someone we love be in such a weakend state, and in pain, we cannot forget it is not about us. It is everything they have had to come to terms with. Which is far beyond any one of us who is not the one fighting and facing each day with thoughts they are hoping we never have. We can't feel guilty about it. it is not our fight. We are there to support, love, and be thier advocate when they need us. I cry with my husband when he needs to, I cry when I need to and I support anything and everything positive he needs to make it through this without feeling guilty that he has somehow taken something from our lives because he is sick. We must find our own support so they can depend us to be there when they do accept our help. They need to know we are ok. They know we are not. That's why we take the time to hold hands, and just sit for awhile and always tell them how much we love them. We show it everyday by making sure they are ok. That the doctors are caring for them to our satisfaction. Our "patients' have had so much taken away from them, we need to make sure they can hold on to what makes them the person they are, and why we love them so much. Allow them to take that with them. Thier love for you, and the cancer did not take away what matters most to them. I don't know what that is, I don;t have to. Whatever is important to them right now is priority. Don't put a time limit on a thier lives. They have fought to hard. They decide what thier quality of life is "quality" Which is time. She will let you know when she is too tired. She will not allow herself to be taken over by this. Her body has been taken, not her soul, not her heart, not her ability to love or worry about others. Let her keep whatever she feels gives her, what she believes believes makes life worth living and fighting for. If you do this, then when the time comes and she can't make that decision to keep going, you will know and will never have regrets.

This is such a personal thing for all of us. If I sounded like I was making some sort of judgement, Truly I was not. Sometimes when it is so personal, we get overwhelmed with helplessness, and look for support. Sometimes we don't even realize we were looking for it.

I apologize to you if I overstepped or just overdid it. I just know exactly what you are going through and wanted to share the same personal experience.  God Bless

My prayers are with your mom and family. Live each day as if it were your last. Have joy and comfort knowing the Lord is with you and reach out to Him and those you love. May you be blessed.

 

Barb~

what a beautiful response. jimandkathy

Thank you so much for your reply.  It has help ground me and it helps to make things a little more clear.  You are absolutley correct about it being about my mom, and her fight.  I will be there for her and support her however she needs to be supported, what is best for my mom.  It is mom's battle and she will make the decisions what is best for her and when she is ready to leave this world.  I will give her all the love and support she would like and cherish EVERY minute with her. 

Thank you so much for your honest reponse, I was not offended only thankful for your honesty and sincerity. 

My heart goes out to you, your husband and your family. 

Sincerely,

Bobbi

Thank you as well. Being able to respond to others in this kind of support system helps alot. Sometimes we forget things being so overwhlemed, it's a good reminder why we are here for them and here on this board for each other. Sometimes you start typing, and you end up reminding yourself as well.  hugs and prayers to you, your Mom and your Family. Keep us posted.

 

On 3/10/2007 Lou38s wrote:

My heart goes out to you and your family. There are so many of us going through the same pain and frustrations with the unknown. My husband is going through so much right now, and, like your Mom, is more worried about everyone elses quality of life. I have just recently come to terms with that one. As far as time, no one does really know. We may want thier suffering to end because it hurts us so badly to see someone we love be in such a weakend state, and in pain, we cannot forget it is not about us. It is everything they have had to come to terms with. Which is far beyond any one of us who is not the one fighting and facing each day with thoughts they are hoping we never have. We can't feel guilty about it. it is not our fight. We are there to support, love, and be thier advocate when they need us. I cry with my husband when he needs to, I cry when I need to and I support anything and everything positive he needs to make it through this without feeling guilty that he has somehow taken something from our lives because he is sick. We must find our own support so they can depend us to be there when they do accept our help. They need to know we are ok. They know we are not. That's why we take the time to hold hands, and just sit for awhile and always tell them how much we love them. We show it everyday by making sure they are ok. That the doctors are caring for them to our satisfaction. Our "patients' have had so much taken away from them, we need to make sure they can hold on to what makes them the person they are, and why we love them so much. Allow them to take that with them. Thier love for you, and the cancer did not take away what matters most to them. I don't know what that is, I don;t have to. Whatever is important to them right now is priority. Don't put a time limit on a thier lives. They have fought to hard. They decide what thier quality of life is "quality" Which is time. She will let you know when she is too tired. She will not allow herself to be taken over by this. Her body has been taken, not her soul, not her heart, not her ability to love or worry about others. Let her keep whatever she feels gives her, what she believes believes makes life worth living and fighting for. If you do this, then when the time comes and she can't make that decision to keep going, you will know and will never have regrets.

This is such a personal thing for all of us. If I sounded like I was making some sort of judgement, Truly I was not. Sometimes when it is so personal, we get overwhelmed with helplessness, and look for support. Sometimes we don't even realize we were looking for it.

I apologize to you if I overstepped or just overdid it. I just know exactly what you are going through and wanted to share the same personal experience.  God Bless

 

Dear God Bless

 

I read your question and reply. I am experiencing all you have expressed and it is very hard for me to have to watch my husband who is young and was healthy until diagnosed with stage IV PC in November last year.

 God Bless, from Cape Town South Africa

I cannot think of an expression or word, words - I have no words to describe the feelings or emotions that come over me when I come across a message from South Africa, Italy, Australia, Germany.

Still - I have been sitting here for about 5 minutes taking this in. Trying to figure out the feeling in my belly. ~~ It's as if,~~~ Still can't describe it. 

Someone across the globe is feeling what you are feeling. Which ultimatley proves, no matter who or where or the reason why we have all come together - "it" will not take from us the hope and spirit and faith and love that has brought us this far.

Basically - It all sucks and thank God we have each other. Otherwise, the docs may start wondering why his "anti-freak out (can't think of name of it off hand) medicine needs to be "refilled already!?"  Kidding of course. I figure you all know what I mean, and I'm a little punchy.

My windshield wipers busted the last ice storm we had. I hadn't really needed them lately, but I fugured I could fix it. Maybe. So I did try today.

I threw the screwdrivers and cursed out everyone on the street and every person who had ever called Kevin because they couldn't fix it themselves.

His friend did come over after work and fixed them for me.

We have plenty of peroxide for myself. Thank you for letting me share! :-)

Dear Fran

Thank you for your kind words and support. My husband who is 54 has not responded to any of the treatments our oncologist has recommended and they are the internationally recommended first line treatments for PC. The disease seems to have a mind of its own and is raging on regardless of our efforts in trying to slow it down. He was hospitalized 10 days ago due to a haemorrhage brought on by a duodenal ulcer! It was a frightening experience for us both.

God Bless

Elizabeth from South Africa