Hi, I'm new to this...

Hi all,

My mother-in-law has been diagnosed 2/5/07 with pancreatic cancer, stage 4 basicially given less than 6 months to live.  My mother-in-law and I are very close and my husband is an only child.  My mother-in-law became jauntice and went to the doctor, they did a CT and MRI and noticed she had a tumor near her pancreaous.  They decided to try and perform a Whipple procedure and when they opened her up they were unable to perform the surgery because it spread around her main vein the vena cava.  It is unfortunate how we learned about this and of course not given much time.  We moved her to our house which is great as we now can take care of her.  We are tied to a Hospice which comes in occasionally to check up on her and our hope is that the rest of her days with us will hopefully be pain free.

Does anyone have any thoughts, ideas on how one handles this?  I am very fortunate that my mother-in-law is so far doing OK.  She has a drain from her stomach that we need to empty but she has 2 infections one by the drain and the other by where she had staples.  I don't know what to expect of course day by day, she had a horrible weekend where she barely ate anything and that caused her to sleep majority of the weekend.  I tell her she needs to have something so she has some energy.  She is taking a ton of pills, I can not imagine how she manages but she is a tough cookie and I am amazed how well she handles herself.

My husband unfortunately is a mess, he has quit his job and has dedicated his days to take care of his mom.  I take over on the weekends to give him a break since I work full time.  I tell him that he needs to take care of himself and I tell him to maybe look for a part-time job so that he gets out of the house.  I know it is hard to watch your only parent (he doesn't have a father) go thru this.  His mom is 67 and it is unfortunate the outcome of her prognosis.

I'm just reaching out to hear others in how they deal with this, we have been told by the doctor that she is stage 4 and chemo and radiation is not worth doing as it won't help, as it's too late, we caught it too late.

Thanks for listening and love to hear from anyone.

Have a blessed day!

 Hello dear cancer friend..It is always sad to loose the ones you love like this.  You have pretty much put the situation under control but you are correct about your husband.  Hire someone if possible, and force him out of the house for 4-5 hours to a movie so he can get some relief.

He is consumed with this and we understand why but his health will suffer.  Just give her pain meds keep her comfortable.  One thing that helped me (I was in that situation and survived) was watching funny movies and things that made my day light. I just sat in a comfy chair-recliner about 6 hours a day.  I made sure I had a shower every day and lounged in day clothes. It helped a lot. AS your MIL has a drain you can cover that up. I had a permanent stent in my arm for iv's I would unhook wrap in plastic and tape my are (my husband did this as I was unable to use my arms) and it was sooo good to have a shower. I sat on a stool and then wrapped in a huge bath towe AND he patted me dry.

If you MIL can take this (soon she will get weaker) it helps tremendously to feel relaxed and clean.

All the best as you are going to need it.  Elaine 

 

On 3/12/2007 Michmeister22 wrote:

Hi all,

My mother-in-law has been diagnosed 2/5/07 with pancreatic cancer, stage 4 basicially given less than 6 months to live.  My mother-in-law and I are very close and my husband is an only child.  My mother-in-law became jauntice and went to the doctor, they did a CT and MRI and noticed she had a tumor near her pancreaous.  They decided to try and perform a Whipple procedure and when they opened her up they were unable to perform the surgery because it spread around her main vein the vena cava.  It is unfortunate how we learned about this and of course not given much time.  We moved her to our house which is great as we now can take care of her.  We are tied to a Hospice which comes in occasionally to check up on her and our hope is that the rest of her days with us will hopefully be pain free.

Does anyone have any thoughts, ideas on how one handles this?  I am very fortunate that my mother-in-law is so far doing OK.  She has a drain from her stomach that we need to empty but she has 2 infections one by the drain and the other by where she had staples.  I don't know what to expect of course day by day, she had a horrible weekend where she barely ate anything and that caused her to sleep majority of the weekend.  I tell her she needs to have something so she has some energy.  She is taking a ton of pills, I can not imagine how she manages but she is a tough cookie and I am amazed how well she handles herself.

My husband unfortunately is a mess, he has quit his job and has dedicated his days to take care of his mom.  I take over on the weekends to give him a break since I work full time.  I tell him that he needs to take care of himself and I tell him to maybe look for a part-time job so that he gets out of the house.  I know it is hard to watch your only parent (he doesn't have a father) go thru this.  His mom is 67 and it is unfortunate the outcome of her prognosis.

I'm just reaching out to hear others in how they deal with this, we have been told by the doctor that she is stage 4 and chemo and radiation is not worth doing as it won't help, as it's too late, we caught it too late.

Thanks for listening and love to hear from anyone.

Have a blessed day!

 

 

On 3/12/2007 Commonsense2265 wrote:

 Hello dear cancer friend..It is always sad to loose the ones you love like this.  You have pretty much put the situation under control but you are correct about your husband.  Hire someone if possible, and force him out of the house for 4-5 hours to a movie so he can get some relief.

He is consumed with this and we understand why but his health will suffer.  Just give her pain meds keep her comfortable.  One thing that helped me (I was in that situation and survived) was watching funny movies and things that made my day light. I just sat in a comfy chair-recliner about 6 hours a day.  I made sure I had a shower every day and lounged in day clothes. It helped a lot. AS your MIL has a drain you can cover that up. I had a permanent stent in my arm for iv's I would unhook wrap in plastic and tape my are (my husband did this as I was unable to use my arms) and it was sooo good to have a shower. I sat on a stool and then wrapped in a huge bath towe AND he patted me dry.

If you MIL can take this (soon she will get weaker) it helps tremendously to feel relaxed and clean.

All the best as you are going to need it.  Elaine 

 

On 3/12/2007 Michmeister22 wrote:

Hi all,

My mother-in-law has been diagnosed 2/5/07 with pancreatic cancer, stage 4 basicially given less than 6 months to live.  My mother-in-law and I are very close and my husband is an only child.  My mother-in-law became jauntice and went to the doctor, they did a CT and MRI and noticed she had a tumor near her pancreaous.  They decided to try and perform a Whipple procedure and when they opened her up they were unable to perform the surgery because it spread around her main vein the vena cava.  It is unfortunate how we learned about this and of course not given much time.  We moved her to our house which is great as we now can take care of her.  We are tied to a Hospice which comes in occasionally to check up on her and our hope is that the rest of her days with us will hopefully be pain free.

Does anyone have any thoughts, ideas on how one handles this?  I am very fortunate that my mother-in-law is so far doing OK.  She has a drain from her stomach that we need to empty but she has 2 infections one by the drain and the other by where she had staples.  I don't know what to expect of course day by day, she had a horrible weekend where she barely ate anything and that caused her to sleep majority of the weekend.  I tell her she needs to have something so she has some energy.  She is taking a ton of pills, I can not imagine how she manages but she is a tough cookie and I am amazed how well she handles herself.

My husband unfortunately is a mess, he has quit his job and has dedicated his days to take care of his mom.  I take over on the weekends to give him a break since I work full time.  I tell him that he needs to take care of himself and I tell him to maybe look for a part-time job so that he gets out of the house.  I know it is hard to watch your only parent (he doesn't have a father) go thru this.  His mom is 67 and it is unfortunate the outcome of her prognosis.

I'm just reaching out to hear others in how they deal with this, we have been told by the doctor that she is stage 4 and chemo and radiation is not worth doing as it won't help, as it's too late, we caught it too late.

Thanks for listening and love to hear from anyone.

Have a blessed day!

Elaine,

Thank you for your thoughts, I greatly appreciate it.  My mother-in-law takes a shower at least every other day it really depends if she wants it.  I guess she gets very tired so she feels every other day is good.  We have the shower set up so she can sit in the shower chair and enjoy.  She has her mother's recyliner and sits in it and  watches her favorite shows.  She tells me she likes to sit in it as she feels she is sitting in her mother's arms. 

I will work on getting my husband back to work.  My MIL doesn't really need anyone watching over her as she is not at that point.  So, I tell my husband go while she's able to take care of herself even if it's a couple of hours.  I hope he can get the courage to do it.  I know he feels so obligated and feels he doesn't have that much time left with her....

 I hope my MIL can try to eat, that is the major problem, they say most cancer patients in the end starve to death so I get nervious when she isn't able to eat.  Hopefully she'll be better.  She had a popsicle today, can you imagine?  LOL  Bless her heart, she's doing I know the best she can do.

Take care and thanks again!

 Mich

 

Hi, I am sorry to hear about your mother inlaw and my heart goes out to you and your family. 

My mom has PC which is inoperable and has spread to her stomach lining as well as her lymph nodes.  They just finished doing emergency surgery due to a blockage in her duodenum (I am not sure how to spell it) and they had to reconstruct a new passage, this all happened on Friday.  Today, my mother has told me that she is not going to allow this to take her so soon and she still has some good years left in her.  Knowing my mom, she is right.

The reason I am telling you this is to tell you not give up and to let your mother in law know she does not have to become a statistic and although she may not have many years, she still has time to live.  Each person diagnosed with PC is unique.  It is important for her to do things, even little things around the house, to get out and perhaps go for a walk or take her for a drive (I am not sure how active she is).  To do the things she enjoyed before she was diagnosed but to maintain a healthy balance of rest and activity.  To be as positive as possible.

A very inspirational person from this message board gave me advice. She reminded me that this is not my battle, but my mom's, what is important is the now, and to make sure I am here to support my mom.  When your mother in law is ready to end her battle she will, she is the only one who will decide this. In the mean time be there for her, do not leave any words unsaid, most importantly live, love and create lasting memories.   

I am not sure if I have helped at all.  My prayers go out to your mother in law, your husband and of course yourself.   Take care of each other and please let me know how it is going.

Sincerely,

Bobbi

Dear Caregiver:

I read your story and felt like you could have been talking about my own mother.  She was diagnosed with Stage IV PC on 09/29/06 (28 days after retiring from the elementary school where she worked for 35 years) and passed away on 02/23/07 at age 68.  I would literally BEG her to eat towards the end, and she refused.  It was very, very difficult for me and I can only imagine how difficult it was for her.  Nothing could have prepared me for the last 5 months and what hell it would be.  My heart goes out to you all.  The only thing I can tell you that might help is if you are there for her, really there for her, you will not have any regrets.  I have no regrets where my mother's care is concerned.  I was just telling my Dad last night that if there was just one thing I could change it would not be wishing her to be here with us longer...I would wish to take away the emotional turmoil she went thru in dealing with this horrible disease.  You see, my Mom was told to, basically, go home and die.  And even though we took her to a different doctor who tried to tell her that everyone is different and not to buy into statistics, she went home and did exactly what that first doctor told her to do.  She felt completely hopeless.  For the physical pain we could just administer more pain meds, but the emotional pain was beyond our control.  Very, very hard to watch.  I know I have not been a ray of sunshine here, but I just wanted you to know that I know EXACTLY how you feel, as my mother has been gone less than 3 weeks.  Bless you and your entire family!

Hi

Don't know if this will help but when my dad's weight went down to 127lbs from 160lbs after surgery on his now palliative pancreatic cancer and didn't feel like eating I went and bought some complan (powdered food supplement in original flavor) which Mum added to any food Dad wanted (soups, rice pudding etc).  Even though he would only eat a few spoonfuls (Mum would finish it as she hates waste), it did give him some energy and he now weighs 134lbs (and I have no idea what weight Mum gained).

Stay strong, best wishes

Sue 

Thank you for your kind words, its nice to know others that are out there. I never speak in negative thoughts to my MIL, just here. I do understand each patient is different but I have to tell you my MIL had that surgery you stated in your message and she has a drain that will be there until she leaves us. It isn't pretty seeing that nor seeing her have zippo energy but being pain free is key. Having a positive attitude is also key and I do but realistically she's not going to be with us more than a year. I see her every day stuggle and it's emotionally draining for her son to watch. One day at a time, that's all we can do.

WOW, my heart goes out to you. My MIL is like a mother to me and it's just a painful thing but knowing she's here and being able to give her memories and share laughter and give her all my love and thoughts make it all the better. You hang in there and knowing that other have gone thru this makes me feel a whole lot better.

Sue, I'll go look for that - thank you so much! Mich

My sister-in-law was diag. 2/5/07 with PC (Iv Stage.  She decided after two radiation treatments (chemo to follow) she was too sick to undertake this course and decided to go with Hospice.  She has since moved in with us on a permanent basis.  Hospice is wonderful.  However, my only dealing with hospice was when my mother passed and she was only on it for one week.  She had a sudden stroke and it took her in a week.

 

My sister-in-law is the only sibling of my husband (we are retured - he's 72 and I'70) She is 76.  Never been married with no children or close friend.  We were shocked at how sick she was and felt the only course of action was to have her come with us.

Because Medicare is taking care of all things through Hospice there is no financial problem.  But, that is not the issue.

Our life has been turned around to accommodate her problem.  I can't dismiss it because it is real. 

I have found it difficult to be around her in conversation too long.  Her conversation is always about her and past lives and people that I never even knew nor did she.

She repeats not because she is demented but because she never stops talking.  I believe you can sense my stress.  My husband and I gave up our master bedroom and attached bath to allow her more freedom.

We are in a small room without the things we are used to around us.

I'm [partly ashamed I am even writing this but hopefully it will help me. I believe God is asking me to put forth this effort in his name.  Not for my benefit nor hers.  He will only ask of us that which we can do.  My husband and I have had serious medical issues while raising our family.  She has never been hospitalized for another illness.

I believe we reacted to quickly to her medical problem without looking at the whole picture.  She seems quite content to be with "her brother". She's has mentioned how nice it is we are all together [- again.

Their mother died at the age of 40 and the father at the age of 58.

I never expected to have this living arrangement.

Now, for the bottom line.

Since she does have this awful disease and is facing the end of her life, I'm not convinced she will see that before my husband and/or I pass before her due to stress and oiur own problems. He's got serious heart problems and I'm with a pacemaker for three years now.

Thank you for sharing and if you care to perhaps you could help me in this trying situation.

God love you both.  mme