Scared And Confused

My brother in law, John, has found out he has cancer.  As of yet we are not sure what type but the doctors have found it in the pelvis, 7 ribs, tumor on his lung (which they were to biopsy today) and advised us last night that he has several pea sized spots in his brain.  Everything I am reading points to him being in stage four regardless of the type of cancer as it has spread to so many places.  He is in so much pain.  His chemo doctor has changed his meds to a liquid morphin every three hours along with a morphin patch.

We, as a family, are scared out of our minds.  John is switching between anger, acceptance & denial.  Today, they were supposed to do the biopsy and he was instructed to eat nothing after midnight, he got up at 5 a.m. and had toast "cause he was hungry" then got very angry because he didn't see why they wouldn't continue with the test.  I can't understand why he would do something that would stop the test knowing how important it is to find out what type of cancer it is. 

I have read some of the postings on this board.....I see our family in so many of them.  My heart goes out to each & every one of you.  I know that mine is breaking on a daily basis.  We are all trying hard to make the time that he has happy and full of love.  Thanks for listening.  Even if no one reply's to this I feel better after typing this.

If you peruse these boards you will find that 'fear' is due to the unknown factors.  READ, READ whatever you can find on the internet about the specific tests they are running and how to interpret them.  Knowledge is power.  You have to take it one test, one day at a time.  Then with the help of his medical team he can be a part of developing his treatment plan and be a part of what's happening to him.

 Once he understands the hand he's been dealt, even with multiple problems to handle, you have to handle them one at a time.  Don't try to scale the mountain overnight - you have to start at the bottom, climb one foot in front of the other and you'll reach plateaus and be able to continue up to the top.  Of course he's angry, scared, in denial...Cancer isn't something we plan for and therefore cannot prepare for ahead of time.  BUT today's technology, tools, new treatments and new Rx make the battle against cancer doable.  The survivors are those that enter the battle field armed with 1/2 the weapons needed - Faith, Family, & Friends.  In the ring they meet with the other 1/2 of the arsenal - the medical team.  You all have to dance the same dance, same tune and I'll be praying you'll come through the 'tunnel' into the sunshine.  Give him your Love and Support and tell him you're walking beside him down this path and his weapon is a cannon compared to cancer's pea shooter.  Cancer can be beaten!!  Peace Be With You!

Thanks for the encouragement! 

Funny, my Mom was saying last night that our family looks like an old western movie...cirlcing the wagons!  My sister in law (not Johns wife) is an oncology nurse.  She is also licensed to give chemo.  She says the same thing......one foot in front of the other....one day at a time...one battle at a time. 

We see or speak to John everyday just to "check in" as we put it.  Sometimes, you can almost see him taking strength from each one of us & it gets him through somehow. 

We'll get out the cannon and the six-shooters and fire away!

Thanks for the prayers....I'll be praying for you as well.

John was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  They found the tumor on the outside of his lung, but the cancer had spread to his pelvis, 7 ribs and his brain.

Yesterday, they stopped the chemo as it is not slowing the cancer at all.  They have said he has a maximum of 2 months at this point.  The doctor had been so optimistic when he began the chemo back in late March / early April.  But it has made him SO sick.  He's miserable, hurting all over his body, can't eat and can't go to the bathroom due to all the pain meds.

At this point, I'm praying for peace.  Peace for John, peace for his children and his brother & sisters. 

Thanks for listening.

Chelle

John is not doing well at all.  He's afraid to sleep, afraid he'll die while he's sleeping.  He's wasting away....he's lost almost 85 pounds over the last 4 months.

Watching his brother (my husband) and sisters with him is breaking my heart.  We took a few pictures of them together last night knowing we won't have this opportunity again. 

Time is so short....we are quickly running out.  My sister-in-law (she & John have been divorced for over 5 years now) hasn't told her kids yet that their father is dieing & only has a few short weeks left.  She hasn't even told his 28 year old son from his first marriage....we don't want to over-step our bounds but feel he deserves to know what is going on. 

God, I feel so helpless!  All I seem to want to do is cry, which isn't helping anyone.  My husband & I are both having trouble sleeping at night....seems like we are waiting on the phone to ring with bad news.

Once again, thanks for letting me vent folks.  My heart is heavy & my brain crowded with thoughts...this seems to be a good outlet.

 Chelle

On 7/3/2007 Chelle1 wrote:

John is not doing well at all.  He's afraid to sleep, afraid he'll die while he's sleeping.  He's wasting away....he's lost almost 85 pounds over the last 4 months.

Watching his brother (my husband) and sisters with him is breaking my heart.  We took a few pictures of them together last night knowing we won't have this opportunity again. 

Time is so short....we are quickly running out.  My sister-in-law (she & John have been divorced for over 5 years now) hasn't told her kids yet that their father is dieing & only has a few short weeks left.  She hasn't even told his 28 year old son from his first marriage....we don't want to over-step our bounds but feel he deserves to know what is going on. 

God, I feel so helpless!  All I seem to want to do is cry, which isn't helping anyone.  My husband & I are both having trouble sleeping at night....seems like we are waiting on the phone to ring with bad news.

Once again, thanks for letting me vent folks.  My heart is heavy & my brain crowded with thoughts...this seems to be a good outlet.

 Chelle

Chelle, there are few words to express my sadness for you.  I am so terribly sorry John is not doing well.  When you wrote that he lost 85 pounds over four months I fear this for my father.  He is already losing weight and his treatment hasn't even started.  He weighs 141.  I am so afraid that if he loses even 30 or 40 pounds he won't be able to hold up his upper body, or, worse, sustain life. 

I hope decisions are made to allow all family members to know about John's condition.  I know I would want to know, even as difficult as it would be, so I could have the opportunity for time with him to say the important things.

Go ahead and cry.  Let yourself feel what you're feeling.

When you said, "God, I feel so helpless," Chelle, I believe you said the right thing.  Tell God all about it.  He has big shoulders, and He knows the heaviness of your heart and all the thoughts that crowd your brain.  Like a dear friend, He is there for you.  Hang onto Him for dear life.  I strongly believe in prayer, and you and your whole family are in my prayers. 

God, care for John with Your tender hands.  Wrap him in Your safety, and keep him in Your care.  Surround him with his dear ones.  Give his family a sense of peace, strange as it might seem at this time.  Grant Chelle and her husband restful and restoring sleep at night.  Place a shield of protection around this family, and keep them strong.  Fight the battles for them, Father God, and bring them Your love in many forms, whether it be the strength for this hour, a peaceful sleep, less pain for John, someone to cook and clean, a cheerful word, or just the right thing at the perfect time.  They are scared and confused, Father.  Replace fear with Your love, and bring them through this time with Your presence in their lives.  I thank You, and ask this through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Bless you, Chelle, and I send you energetic thoughts of friendship. 

Maggie