I need help!! My mom has had pancreatic cancer for almost 3 years now. I was told that my mom would not make it to 2007. She has not had any chemo since, June of 2006. She is still here even though the nurse tells me that anyday her heart will probably give out on her and someone will find her dead in her own house. She is able to be alone and gets around pretty well, but her qaulity of life is not good. She weighs about 75 lbs (lost 50 pounds) and has blue hands and feet and is very grey colored. She is a very tough and stubborn person.
In December we had to take her key to her car away from her because she thought that she was fine to drive. She on morphine pills and liquid morphine. The Dr told us in Sept that she is not to be driving, she understood. But, on day in December she decided to go to the grocery store by herself and a couple of other places. We found out about it and were forced to take her keys away. Let us say, it did not go well and it was a very stressful Christmas. I will tell you this too, I am the only care giver in my family. I have a brother that is in denial, because when he comes to see my Mom she is fine and can not believe that she is dying. He comes maybe once every 6-8 weeks to see her, if that. My brother does not call to hear how things are going and only talks to my Mom. She does not tell him if she is in pain or if she has had a really bad day and been in the bathroom all day. They just chat like nothings wrong. I deal with the hospice nurse's and her meds and I take care of her house and yard. My sister has had no-thing to do with Mom for about 10 years. So this all falls on my shoulders. Anyway, just the other day she asked me for the keys to her car, again. I took her where she needed to go and I thought we will have the yelling match after her errands are completed. Luckily enough, we had to hurry home so she could go to the bathroom. At that time, I left her house without leaving her the keys and without saying good bye. I am sorry but I just can not keep having this fight with her about having her keys. The hospice nurse and the social worker tell me I can not give them back and I am sick of being yelled at by my Mom to give her keys back. We are afraid if we give the keys to her she will take off and drive and kill some one or herself. I can not trust her to give the keys to her and then she would have to call a friend or myself to drive her somewhere in her car. She states that "she won't drive she just wants them there so she can have other people drive her in her car."
I am caught in a hard place. Can anyone relate to what I am dealing with and offer some advice? I can not get her to understand that she could hurt someone or worse. She told me in Sept that she did not care if she hurt someone and she did not care if the police would put her in jail. I understand that this is not my Mom and it is either the disease or the drugs, maybe both. I am burnt out & frustrated as a caregiver. I have faith in god that he will stop her suffering, but I believe that I am being punished and I am not sure why, I am trying to do my best to care for her and my family (2 kids and my husband) and work full time. Please pray for me and my Mom, because I don't know what to do anymore. She thinks that I am being mean to her and I just trying to keep her safe and protect anyone that she would come in contact with.
Please pray that someone finds a cure for this terrible disease. It has torn our family a part at a time when we should be pulling together.
I am sorry that this is so long, but I hope someone will offer some suggestions for me.