Statistics Lie... Story Of Hope & Loss

I can't begin to even tell you how many hours I have spent obsessing over the internet for stories of hope... Endless research of statistics yielded the same grim prognosis time and time again. And with every different website visited my heart sunk deeper into sorrow. Discovering this website gave me solace that although the future did look dark, there were so many other people out there fighting this cruel enemy we can not see. Brave people who are willing to share their thoughts and experiences freely. I made my first post in May 2006. My message was filled then with so much hope... That hope has now turned into loss My mother passed away last week on 14/03/07. She was only 49. Her courageous battle lasted 20 months, she was so brave and determined... When mum was first diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer I knew right from the start only about 5% of patients survived for >5years. I hung my hopes high and prayed that she would be in that small percentage given a bit longer time. So no, she wasn't in that 5%... 20 months??, I know she has done a bit "better" than some. But statistics lie...20 months may sound like a long time in the setting of advanced cancer. But I tell you what, that time flew by in a blink of an eye. There were alot of bad days and then there were good. And my god did we hang on to those good ones. Talking, laughing or even just lying on the bed together watching TV, just being in presence of each other. I miss her so much! You know why else statistic lie? It gives you only a time frame, it doesn't paint you a picture of how the persons quality of life will be. They may still be breathing but whether they are suffering or not is a totally different story. I learnt this with my mum... I kept on focusing on "how long" she would be around. I was selfish because I was scared of losing her. But in the last few months there was alot of suffering. Statistics don't tell you about the complications cancer can eventually cause. My mother suffered a bowel obstruction and could not eat or drink. And every time she attempted to her stomach got so distended to the point i thought it would burst! She then underwent (and survived) a radical operation for palliativve purposes. She never seized to amazed me. So yes, statistics do lie! Don't get drawn into statistics on prognosis. And the doctors?? They give out "averages" based on their past experiences with other patients. What makes them think that you or your loved one who is battling cancer the "average" patient? Yes, they can measure tumors and tell you your blood levels etc. But can they measures ones determination, courage and will to live? So, to anyone reading this post, I want to let you know, that although sometimes it seems we might be fighting a losing battle, you are not alone in this war. Your loved ones will fight with you, every step of the way. One day there will be peace again! Cancer may claim the lives of our loved ones, but can never rob us of the beautiful memories we hold eternally inside us... In loving memory of my mum...

Thank you so much for the beautiful testimony of your family's journey.  It is such a poignant reminder of the precious time we have with our loved ones and the quality of that time.  God bless you and comfort you in your loss.

Patsyann

Eukie,

Your post really struck me. Sorry for your loss, I can't and don't want to think of my life without my mom. It is hard enough thinking about this with my husband. But sadly, you are right. The worst part of this horrible disease is the fact that it is not predictable, so no matter what the doctors say or statistics say, it is all about the person living with it. I have had the unfortunate opportunity through my life to see family memebers with various cancers and the progression and suffering can be unbearable.

I pray for your comfort in this difficult time. I know when my father passed the only comfort I had was that he was not suffering anymore. April 8th will be 18 yrs and I still miss him very much. He was young also, only 54 when he died.

God Bless you,

Debbie

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.  This disease is so horrible, and we never really know what is ahead of us.  All we can do is fight as much as we can, and love those close to us with all our hearts everyday.  I am so sorry that she suffered so much.  Sounds like she was very lucky to have your near.

 

On 3/22/2007 Eukie wrote:

I can't begin to even tell you how many hours I have spent obsessing over the internet for stories of hope... Endless research of statistics yielded the same grim prognosis time and time again. And with every different website visited my heart sunk deeper into sorrow. Discovering this website gave me solace that although the future did look dark, there were so many other people out there fighting this cruel enemy we can not see. Brave people who are willing to share their thoughts and experiences freely. I made my first post in May 2006. My message was filled then with so much hope... That hope has now turned into loss My mother passed away last week on 14/03/07. She was only 49. Her courageous battle lasted 20 months, she was so brave and determined... When mum was first diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer I knew right from the start only about 5% of patients survived for >5years. I hung my hopes high and prayed that she would be in that small percentage given a bit longer time. So no, she wasn't in that 5%... 20 months??, I know she has done a bit "better" than some. But statistics lie...20 months may sound like a long time in the setting of advanced cancer. But I tell you what, that time flew by in a blink of an eye. There were alot of bad days and then there were good. And my god did we hang on to those good ones. Talking, laughing or even just lying on the bed together watching TV, just being in presence of each other. I miss her so much! You know why else statistic lie? It gives you only a time frame, it doesn't paint you a picture of how the persons quality of life will be. They may still be breathing but whether they are suffering or not is a totally different story. I learnt this with my mum... I kept on focusing on "how long" she would be around. I was selfish because I was scared of losing her. But in the last few months there was alot of suffering. Statistics don't tell you about the complications cancer can eventually cause. My mother suffered a bowel obstruction and could not eat or drink. And every time she attempted to her stomach got so distended to the point i thought it would burst! She then underwent (and survived) a radical operation for palliativve purposes. She never seized to amazed me. So yes, statistics do lie! Don't get drawn into statistics on prognosis. And the doctors?? They give out "averages" based on their past experiences with other patients. What makes them think that you or your loved one who is battling cancer the "average" patient? Yes, they can measure tumors and tell you your blood levels etc. But can they measures ones determination, courage and will to live? So, to anyone reading this post, I want to let you know, that although sometimes it seems we might be fighting a losing battle, you are not alone in this war. Your loved ones will fight with you, every step of the way. One day there will be peace again! Cancer may claim the lives of our loved ones, but can never rob us of the beautiful memories we hold eternally inside us... In loving memory of my mum

So very sorry for your loss.  My mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer 7 months ago.  She has been through 2 rounds of chemo and a complete gastrectomy.  Right now we are waiting for her PET scan results.  Our doctors never gave us a time frame.  I guess we just never asked as we did not want to know.  After reading so many articles about stomach cancer and so many alternative medicines we take one day at a time as every patient is different as is every treatment.  Our only hopes and prayers are that mom is not suffering at this point and depending on the outcome of this next test we will just have to put it in Gods hands and hope mom is with us as long as he sees fit.  I do not know what I will do without my mother.  She is not only my mom but she is my best friend.  My only hope is that she she can die with dignity and does not have to go through any more pain.