How Do You Get Closer To Someone With Cancer...

I met I girl a few months back that is absolutely amazing.  We started dating and it became serious very fast.  We fell for each other hard and both felt like we were supposed to be together.  Soon after things became serious she let me know that she has been battling cancer for 10 years.  She has a tumor near her brain.  She had already been through treatment for it twice.  She tried to break up with me explaining that I didnt deserve to be with someone that was at risk and that she didnt want me to get hurt.  I refused to let that happen so we continued to see each other.  We grew closer until one day she had to go to the hospital because she was having bad symptoms again.  Appearantly her cell count was bad again so her Dr. has put her on some medicine that is pretty rough.  Since her health has declined she did break up with me because she didnt want the stress of a relationship making things worse.  I respected that and backed off a bit so that she wouldnt worry about me.  I told her that I will keep things calm while she is going through this, but I am not leaving her.  I still consider her my girlfriend and have not even thought about leaving or being with anyone else.  She keeps me at a distance, but I try to let her know that I am there for her and still love her.  I really only talk to her when her pain medication wears off and she cant sleep.  I have only seen her a few times in last couple months.  I dont mind doing this, but she is very stubborn and will not let me help her or really be there for her.  All she is able to do anymore is work and sleep.  I have explained that I would like to do anything to make her life easier, but she will not let me in.  I have never dealt with anything like this before, so I would just like some advice on her to get closer to her.  She feels like she may not make it through this time and does not want me to get too attached, but it is too late for that.  I want to be there for her no matter what happens, but she will not let me do that.  Help!

You sound like me.  My gentleman friend of 5 years and I met right after he had a lung removed due to cancer.  We too felt God speak that we were to be together.  He left me a couple months ago and we have no communication.  I did help take care of him for about 3 weeks and then he told me he had never loved me.  I know he said this because of his illnes, but he won't let me in either.  He knows I love him and would gladly bear this illness for him.  I hope and pray that she will let you in, that she will let you be there for her.  I know we have to respect their wishes, but sometimes I wonder if they understand how badly they are hurting us?  I can't ever love anyone else again nor can I fathom loving anyone the way I love him.  I pray that she will realize the kindest most loving thing she could do would let you be there for her.  My prayers are with you.  I don't know exactly how you feel, but I have a very good idea and the hurt is often unbearable.  May God Bless You.

Thanks for the response.  I constantly stuggle with trying to be there for her and trying not to pressure her and make her feel guilty.  Ive wondered if I am just making things harder for her, but I have decided that it has to better for her to know that am I am there and that I still care for her.  I am sorry to hear about what you have been through, and that is what I am most afraid of.  I feel like if her condition was to get worse, she would do the same thing.  There are times where I feel sorry for myself, but I just remember that I know she cares for me and would love to be with me.  So she has to deal with the same thing along with her sickness.  I think time is the only that can help me right now.  Eventually when she realizes I am not going anywhere she might start to let me in.  Thanks again for your response and especially your prayers.  I will add you to my prayer list as well.  

I appreciate your prayers also.  I will be asking God to keep her close to you and that she will always let you be there.  Trust me, the pain is almost unbearable and every day I pray that God will give me my miracles of healing for him and a restoration of our relationship.  At this point, even a phone call or an invitation to come and sit quietly with him would mean the world to me.  God is in control though and I can only let Him work the way He wants and on His time table.  My life has been changed by all of this in ways I never dreamed. 

May God hold you close as you take each moment as it comes.  You are a special person to love her as you do.

God Bless You,

Carol

I was involved with a man who was in remission with pancreatic cancer. Initially as a friend, then after a month we fell in love.  His wife had left him a year before I met him and they were divorced.  He had been through a tough time with his wife leaving him and his cancer and whipple procedure, chemo etc.  When I met him he was healthy. We grew very close. Professed our love for eachother. We spent 4 great months together.  The cancer came back.  I told him I was there for him no matter what. He told me that I needed to go on with my life that I was too young to get involved with someone who could give me a future that he would die soon. He told me that he didn't want to hurt me, but it would be best that I stay out of the cancer spiral etc. (he was 53 and I am 45).  He started his chemotherapy in Oct and finished in late December. He told me to move on right at Thanksgiving. The holidays were horrible and lonely.  Only for me to find out that he and his ex wife were back together during Thanksgiving and Christmas etc. On top of it all I  heard that he has been  involved with a woman that is 27 years old since December.  I am completely shocked. He is doing it all over again with someone else.  I feel his actions are completely irresponsible and selfish.  He does not realize the great impact that being involved with and loving someone with cancer does to the healthy partner. Now he is going to greatly impact her life.  I feel anger towards him because he used me and misled me for his own selfish needs rather than thinking of the other people in the relationship.  What do you think?  What is your take on this?