Thank you for your gracious reply to your situation. I know well how relatives can be. Within the stages of grief one can move back and forth. Yet there are others who never will leave the stages of denial, anger, and depression. It's a human thing and a spiritual thing. I am trying to adjust my spiritual attitude. Things in my life have been so negative at times that I just accept the idea that this is the way things will always be. By doing this I have helped perpetuate any problem and have put up a roadblock against any resolution. I came to the above conclusion when I got to my emotional burnout point with my husband and familywith his illness.
Changing my perspective has helped my husband. By being positive and pro-active in my life regarding boundaries, and support etc. I am less frazzled and better focused and optomistic. Yes, optomistic, because what gets lost is our faith.
We can and we must have faith. It is like a window to our souls.
Some people live their whole life without someone to love. You and your wife share such a special bond. Maybe your wife was not ready to let go and tell the kids. Maybe it was too much, or she thought as a mom she was protecting them. It is good that you shared with the children. With the time you and the children share with her the truth will become visible. With just a hug or a look she'll know, and you will know.
Re: Your relatives. You do not owe them personal updates.Write out a note from you and the kids or just tell them, this is YOUR time. You and the children can write down any concerns or needs you have. This helps if a friend asks what can I do. You need not stumble just say, laundry, or quiet time, or whatever.
Ask the helpful or unhelpful ones if they want to make a commitment to help you with the needs. If they say yes, great, and if no, fine. Make boundaries for what you will accept and what you will not tolerate and let it go!! God can handle the rest! (If we leave Him room). We think that we have to do it all and be nice. Well, you don't.
Poor old me always wants to give my inlaws the benefit of the doubt. Now, with MY attitude adjustment I had to accept that they were undependable before and I do not need to waste my time which is precious with my husband on them.
In closing, get angry at them, but then let it go. Who knows all the reasons they cope and do what they do. I am so fed up with my brother in law that I put the issue in for prayer in my sunday school class. I am tired of talking bad about him. I want my life with my husband and family to be my focus not him.
Please let your kids know that there are others just like them and that we care.
In Christian friendship, Colleen