How Do You Stop A Doom-Sayer?

My father is fighting cancer with poor prognosis, and my mother is absolutely falling apart because of it.  She becomes hysterical all the time--crying, screaming.  And the worst of it, is that she tells my dad that she wishes he would just die so that it would be all over.  In addition, she gets angry because she is worried that he will spend all of their money and lose the house and their retirement paying for treatment.  It makes me so angry!  I don't know what to do. 

The first part of my father's treatment involved a huge, life-threatening surgery.  I left college (and my husband), and moved home with my parents for three months to help care for my father.  I was able to be a positive force in his life every day during that time.  I made sure we found something positive about every day that passed.  Now I am back home with my husband trying to get my regular life back together.  What do I do?  I feel so guilty sometimes for not being there, but I know I can't just stay with my parents forever.

I worry that if my mother continues her negative attitudes, that it will kill my father's optimistic attitude and he will stop fighting.  I worry he will have no chance of survival, and will die sooner.

We've both tried talking to her about seeing a counselor, or something, but she won't.  She says it won't help.  We're trying to get her on some sort of anxiety meds now, but she says those will just mask the reality of the situation.  The thing is, she makes everything seem even more negative than it already is (amazing that that's even possible).  She is a doom-sayer, and completely self-centered.

I know this has to be harder for her than what I can imagine, but how can she do this to my father?!  What can I do to stop it?  He's tried telling her that he needs her to help him fight, but all she can do is cry and feel sorry for herself.

We're all devistated, but isn't this about my father?  Not about my mother?  How can he be expected to fight if his wife is saying she wants him dead?  If these may be his last months/weeks/days, shouldn't we be trying to enjoy them and make the most of them?

I am glad your mom is doing better. This is not easy, putting it mildy.

My husband as well almost bled to death in the first few months of dx. We were up in the woods at our campground when I noticed bloody underwear in the the bathroom. He had been complaining of a headache and just not feeling right. He didn't tell me what was actually happening, I never drove so fast to get him to the hosp.   BUT - he came through. It may sound strange, but he would get the blood and the docs would be trying to figure out where he was bleeding from. This happened a couple times. The first thought was always he was bleeding from the tumor. Wasn't that. Once he had the transfusion, no one could figure out where he was bleeding from and it always just - stopped. Docs were "baffled" I guess you could say. He always came through.