I Am So Down And Upset. Need Encouragment

I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma just after my birthday last year (2006) in October. I have gone through 11 horrific treatments. I experienced all the side effects including absolutely sickening nausea but now when I have my treatments all I can do is cry, sometimes I get so worked up I can hardly breath and I can't help it. It's as if I can't control what's happening to my body. I feel as if I'm in a body I can't control. Life has been so hard I can't even explain it. What breaks my heart the most is that I can't spend very much quality time with  my 11 month old daughter and I can't walk up the stairs to tuck her in at night or pick her up in the mornings and I'm the first face she she's. I can do these thing's sometimes but never to the best of my ability cause I never have the energy or am not feeling the best. My last chemo has been postponed nearly a week because I was in hospital for a week with the shakes and really high fevers and they still don't know what was the cause. My temperature is still up slightly (but at least I am home, even though I can't get off the couch cause I am so weak) and my specialist said if it does stay up for another 2 weeks he will not give me the last treatment. I am praying that it does stay up so I don't have to have it because I feel as if I just CAN "T do this last one. You're probably thinking, it's just one more, but I just can't do it. I just can't. My mum has been amazing through this whole thing supporting me and helping me look after my little girl. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and I think will ever meet!! Is there anyone who has not comleted all their treatments? Or can just give me a bit of encouragment and support? Life isn't supposed to be like this, I just cry all the time and when I'm not crying I just think about this last treatment constantly and how I can't and don't want to do it.

please check your private messages. i will contact you there. shemay

beleive in god. with god all things are possible. worry about nothing and pray about everything. remember things could always be worse.. be around positive people and think happy thoughts. if you are not in church, visit and ask god to lead and guide you. join a support group at a center. let me know how you are doing. think positve and get rid of the negative. i will keep you and all in this group in prayer. remember god loves you and so do i! tinkerbell

 

also get some tranquility and healing cds to help calm you down. look for someone who does healing messages. i was diagnosed with stage4 liver cancer  june 06 and i have claimed my healing from the beginning. i have had chemo since then and am now on zolota chemo pills. sorry yoj are haveing such a time but hang in there. i know all about what you mean. my hubby is on dialysis 3x weekly and my mother like yours is a real jewel. i know you have a beautiful baby. thank god for what you can do count your blessings. they will outweigh the non blessings each time. do the best you can., we have to take each day 1 day at a time and thank god for each day. i know you feel bad but you have got to hang in there. you a lot of reasons to do so. i hope this helps. love, tinkerbell 

Dear Friend,

 I am just starting my first treatment next week I to have HL stage 3 S so I am unsure of how I can make you feel better about treatments.  I can relate to you on having kids I am 30 years old and I have 2 boys 4 month & 4 years.  God will never give up on you and your family.  He is with you at all times even when you don't feel him, he is there.  "I will never forsake you nor leave you."  My dear friend you will feel better it has been a long road for you but there is a light and it will get better.  You do your last treatment maybe they can give you something to relax ?  A year from now your life will be back and you  will be taking your precious child to the park and the sun will beam down on your face and you will say I did it! 

Lori 

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