Brandon-cg Message: Exausted, therapy?
Subject: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/16/2007
Hi, I am 34, my wife 32 was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February of this year. We have been through a lot, still going through quite a bit. While she is doing quite well with radiation and chemotherapy treatments, this has totally turned our worlds inside out. I am exhausted by it all. I have no alone time for myself, its been work, then home to take care of all the normal things 2 people might share. Plus, I get so little space to myself because my wife is always at home now resting most of the time. She is also understandably more emotionally needy. Believe me, I have been doing everything I should and can do for her, for the situation as a whole. Ive tried excepting help when offered, I have talked to my doctor who gave me Ativan to take at night to help me relax and fall asleep. To be careful I don't get addicted, I cut my pills in half, taking only 1-mg per night. I usually sleep well but I still feel exhausted.
My doctor said that therapy really wouldn't help me because there is no fixable problem with all of this, its just something that I have to cope the best I can with. Im not so sure and Im wondering if anyone has any insight on this. Has anyone had some talk therapy, counciling, etc....? My guy friends are not much help, and to be honest neither is my family. They all mean well, but I have some real monkeys on my back that I need to talk about. Anyone else?
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
Hi. I am so sorry to hear about your wife's cancer. My thoughts go
out to her, you, and your family. I also went on Ativan when my
Dad was diagnosed with metastatic bladder cancer in January. Just a
little something to help with the anxiety. As to counseling, by all
means get some if you want. Your local hoispital should offer some
counsleing for family members/caregivers of cancer patients. You may
want to check either their website or the American Cancer SOciety's
website. I thought about going to some sort of group therapy after my
Dad passed away in March, though I still haven't done so. Denial is
stopping me at this point. In order to really be there for your wife
you need to be in good mental health. That means taking care of
yourself. You will be no good for anyone else if you are a wreck. Check
out local group counseling and by all means go to a meeting. You will
be able to share your feelings with other people in the same horrible
predicament as you find yourself in, and be able to voice some hard to
say feelings without feeling guilty. Please find the strength to get
stsrong yourself so you can be strong for your wife. She is in the
fight of her life and will need you to be there for her to help her
along the way. Best wishes to you. Kathie B Suter
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
On 5/16/2007 Brandon-cg wrote:
Hi, I am 34, my wife 32 was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February of this year. We have been through a lot, still going through quite a bit. While she is doing quite well with radiation and chemotherapy treatments, this has totally turned our worlds inside out. I am exhausted by it all. I have no alone time for myself, its been work, then home to take care of all the normal things 2 people might share. Plus, I get so little space to myself because my wife is always at home now resting most of the time. She is also understandably more emotionally needy. Believe me, I have been doing everything I should and can do for her, for the situation as a whole. Ive tried excepting help when offered, I have talked to my doctor who gave me Ativan to take at night to help me relax and fall asleep. To be careful I don't get addicted, I cut my pills in half, taking only 1-mg per night. I usually sleep well but I still feel exhausted. My doctor said that therapy really wouldn't help me because there is no fixable problem with all of this, its just something that I have to cope the best I can with. Im not so sure and Im wondering if anyone has any insight on this. Has anyone had some talk therapy, counciling, etc....? My guy friends are not much help, and to be honest neither is my family. They all mean well, but I have some real monkeys on my back that I need to talk about. Anyone else?
I know just what you are talking about - the exhaustion. First you have the disbelief that it is happening at all and that you will wake up and everything will be normal. You are such a young family to be going thru this. It makes me sad. My husband has stage 4GBM and he is 62. He has a 3rd surgery tomorrow where they will insert a balloon in his head and in a few weeks he will have radiated gas poured into the balloon for 5 days. I think the doctors just try everything they know to do but I feel like the inevitable will happen anyways...it's just a matter of time. I just don't want my husband to suffer. There has been one crisis after the other and I have to work full time or we don't eat. He's already getting leave without pay right now and I am frantic to try to pay the mortgage. I know if must be way more difficult for a young family to cope with. Life is so unfair. Just keep on keeping on...that's all we can do. There are only a few of us out here going thru this and we all know how horrid it is. Take care of YOU first of all and try to get some rest.
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
Hi, I'm very sorry about your wife. My husband was about the same age when we discovered he had a brain tumor. We have been fighting this for over 20 years. In one sense, I'm thankful I still have him but you are right--it's totally exhausting. I have been going to counseling and to be frank it does not help the problem you and I are facing. The truth of the matter is the buck stops with you. Friends drift away and everyone seems busy with their own problems. The latest surgery Bob had was right before Thanksgiving 2006 and it has left him unable to say words so that they can be comprehended, and he is also very weak on right side, so he falls a lot. The battle everyday to understand him is so frustrating for him and me. He has had a lot of therapy to no avail. Believe me I have searched everywhere for help and the only thing I can come up with is out-of-pocket care. If I get someone to come in with him, I have to leave my home. There is no down time for yourself. Do get someone to come in about every 3 months for a couple of days so you can go away to relax for a couple days. That does help; at least you have time to think and regroup. It is very cruel when this happens to someone as young as you. You have my best wishes and thoughts. I wish you the best. Diane
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
i am sorry about your wifes diagnosis and the whole cancer situation. my daughter who is 17 now was diagosed with hodgekins disease in august 05. i was so emotionally drained, the ativans could not even help my anxiety. -i wasa taking clonopan and zanax to help me sleep. i know this is a curve ball in your life, -you will get through this and even though your dr, felt therapy would not help you it may just help you to vent out your feelings to a stranger. -I always needed to speak to others but it washard, I was depressed and still to this day worry about her all the time,- -------the --d-rs-,-- -w-a-n-te-d- -me- -to go on an antidepressan-t but did not.- i know-- many others in your situstion who have done that it also madfe them feel calmer. Your wife will get stronger and will not be so needy . hang in there and be positive. It does get easier but the nights are the worst times for me, My mind gets going .this will pass and so will the cancer/ How is she dealing with the chemo/ do you have AANY KIDS? Please e mail me anytime. you can alway talk to me, i had 8 months of hell. she had 6 rounds of chemo and then 5 weeks of radiation. hang in there and it isok to cry, take care jayne
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
I strongly disagree with your doctor about seeing a therapist. Often the issues for which one would see a therapist are not "fixable", but, gee, you really need someone to talk with and to be able to vent your frustration. These feelings are not selfish; you have to stay emotionally and physically healthy to take care of your wife. Please, take care of yourself. Susan
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
Hello, your wife is certainly going thru a lot & as her caregiver & supporter you are also certainly going thru a lot yourself. This is not an easy time for you and you need some help. Take a look at the www.emofree.com website and see if there is an EFT practitioner near you. EFT (emotional freedon technique) is an amazing practice which helps restore the flow of energy in the body by tapping on certain meridians of the body (as in acupuncture but without needles). I find it much more useful than any type of therapy. You sound like you need to regain your energy and a good feeling about yourself which may be waning because of your fatique....I cared for my aging Father years ago and really suffered. I thought I was going crazy....really, EFT could have helped me then but I didn't know about it. The amazing thing about EFT is that you can see/have result very quickly. It will help you, I am certain. In addition, once you have mastered this dead simple technique you can ddo it with your wife and help her..... All the best to you and courage.. this is certainly a tough time to be going thru & a tough thing to have to go thru...Isabelle --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
On 5/16/2007 Brandon-cg wrote:
Hi, I am 34, my wife 32 was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February of this year. We have been through a lot, still going through quite a bit. While she is doing quite well with radiation and chemotherapy treatments, this has totally turned our worlds inside out. I am exhausted by it all. I have no alone time for myself, its been work, then home to take care of all the normal things 2 people might share. Plus, I get so little space to myself because my wife is always at home now resting most of the time. She is also understandably more emotionally needy. Believe me, I have been doing everything I should and can do for her, for the situation as a whole. Ive tried excepting help when offered, I have talked to my doctor who gave me Ativan to take at night to help me relax and fall asleep. To be careful I don't get addicted, I cut my pills in half, taking only 1-mg per night. I usually sleep well but I still feel exhausted. My doctor said that therapy really wouldn't help me because there is no fixable problem with all of this, its just something that I have to cope the best I can with. Im not so sure and Im wondering if anyone has any insight on this. Has anyone had some talk therapy, counciling, etc....? My guy friends are not much help, and to be honest neither is my family. They all mean well, but I have some real monkeys on my back that I need to talk about. Anyone else?
Hi, I too am sorry to hear about your situation but hang in there! I was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer at age 33 been through everything. I am also a nurse and I facilitate a support group for breast cancer survivors but because of the need of the spouses I am starting one in July for caregivers. First of all I want to commend you on your dedication and your support you give to your wife, we as survivors, truly appreciate what you do for us but sometimes we are just too sick and exhausted from fighting our illness. It is actually harder for you because you are helpless you can't fix it, and you lost your partner, temporarily, and it's frustrating and as you describe exhausting too. Ask family and friends to help they too want to help but don't know how to so give them direction they will be receptive you'll see and it will give you a much needed break. Take time for yourself a walk, a drive whatever you enjoy to do, and please don't feel quilty for living your life too survivors don't want to be a burden and if you are still having fun and doing your thing your wife will feel like she hasn't destroyed your life. I could go on and on but what I will do is pray for you and your family and best wishes throughout your journey. God Bless, Leslie
Shilowmyangel Message: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
im so sorry to hear about your wife,my husband has bladder cancer and it took its toll on me ,from worrying to fear to anger you name i felt it ,i felt like i was gonna loose my mind i was tired and had little energy to take care of everyday life things did it but it was hard ,what i found worked for me was al-anon not aa where you can just sit i know its for adults of alcoholic parents or partners but it just worked i could just chill for a hour once a week and it helped me get through the week and it took to edge of of my anger and anxiety what a diffrence it has made thearapy did not help me cause they seem to always wanna push meds to get you through ,i dont feel meds will help cause you cant stay on them forever and the problems are always still there where al-anon you just hang and talk if you want or you dont have to no pressure hope this helps its what worked for me figured i would share .
Crazyworried Message: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Subject: RE: Exausted, therapy?
Date: 05/17/2007
hi sorry about your wife, i too have the stress ,worry, madness for tit happening to us, my bsby boy is 29 hes ahd 26 surgerys from birth born with bladder extrophy, a surgery he had at age 4 years old caused this wwere dealing with today, he has colon cancer 4th stage as well as germ cancer inliver and lung, weve here at medothist hospital in h ouston for 45days when they told us he had cancer i said no way hes been thurgh to much but here we are, and i pray very hard allday and night and ill pray for you and your wife also. i know were not supose to ask why but i do dont you. im by my sons side day and night we havent sleep a good two hours in over 2months but i cant leave him hes my baby, and i watch other patients without family here they dont get the care they need. so pray and believe and GOD WILL see us thru these hard times. now my son has had 2 rounds of 5 day kemo and 1 each week, we still cant go home cause he cant stand his little legs are like toothpicks and his legs cramp allday and night, if you need to talk email me well discuss our cancers and try to help each other. as for a therphy helping i find friends or people i never met hevp me more i dont like phycs. god bless hope to hear from you. brians mom god bless --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----
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