Exausted, therapy?

I'm very sorry for your wife and you...she's too young.  My husband has GBM IV.  I understand how you feel...and he is still able to work but totally exhausted.  I admire that quality in him.  The cancer patients are battling for their life but we are also on the road with them.  We try to give our loved ones all the emotional support and leave little for ourselves.  You are supporting your wife and have nothing to feel guilty about needing some time for yourself.  During radiation I had to leave two nights because I felt if I didn't get a break I wasn't going to be any support the next day, I slept in the car under the carport!  All of our lives are turned upside down.  I was at the c-store yesterday and a wife of a lung cancer victim (we were at radiation together) was buying a 6 pack of beer for herself at 9:00 in the morning.  She is a business woman and not a usual drinker.  Her husband is very depressed, for good reason, but that day she was exhausted.  We all pray, we all give to our loved ones but you have to take care of you too.   We all wish that our loved ones weren't going through this and we know they can't "get away from it".  Our small town offers no cancer support group.  This has become my support group.

Katy   

Hi!  My mom has breast cancer and my husband has chronic arthritis so bad he hasn't worked for about 10 years.  I was so exausted but not sleeping well in spite of exaustion.  It's like when you are overtired you can't sleep.  I went to a very sweet communicative P.A. (physicians assistant) and told her about my life and she put me on Prozac 10 mg. and then went up to 20 mg.  after a couple of weeks and I am feeling so much better, and sleeping at night and am able to cope with all the sick people in my life.  I am a nurse who works full time, so that is a lot of sick people.  I recommend anti-depressants for caregivers.  It is great for the short term difficult experiences...it gives you the power to cope and not be so down about how your life is now..  I am laughing again, and have my sense of humor back.  I still have to do everything for everybody, but I can smile while I do it.  You can too, get some help.  You may only need it short term to get you through this hardest time. 

Brandon,

my wife also has brain cancer. there is no easy or simple solutions.

Some advise, be specific with the help you need from people, they offer help but dont know what to do. Tell them what you need. If you need time then tell them I need an afternoon or whatever.

Try a support group for caregivers, mind you i have not done this but it sounds to me like you could benefit from it, you are not alone.

 Are you religious or not, for me much of my strength comes from my faith.

lastly, and this might sound harsh, devote yourself fully to her, she is going through an unimaginable journey and only since feb. My wife has glioblastoma for one year now and she is very tough but i have sucked up a lot of fatigue and stress.

 You must take care of yourself if you are to be of use to her, be pragmatic and get the help you need, trust me i know what you are going through, its a rollercoaster ride and every day is different but i have learned from the experience so far and from my wife to cherish every day and live as hard as you can, none of us are gaurunteed tomorrow,

let me know your thoughts, Ill keep you and your wife oin my prayers, 

Peace,  Carl  

 

 

 

On 5/19/2007 Babysteps4me wrote:

   Brandon...I am not usually a confrontive person...but I had to respond to you letter....it made me so angry I could spit...As a cancer patient, that has been battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, with many reoccurances and on going treatment for years just to stay alive to raise my son's...you need to know that this is not about YOU!!!! Get over it...she is your wife....you have no idea what she is going through, until you yourself have had cancer and treatments...You complain about being tired....dear God, do you know what your wife has had to endure??? And you have little time to yourself..., you would have plenty of time, if this illness took her life....Do whatever you have to do to help the one you are supposed to love...in sickness and in health...get therapy..take pills, whatever it takes...for you to be a man and stop complaining...I have found there is a certain percentage of men....that just do not get it...If you were sick, your wife would be there taking care of you, as most women would....she would not be thinking of her discomfort....so, stop,this whinning about yourself...take care of your wife,and all the things that need to be done....try your best to keep burdons off of her..and pray that this is only a small period of your life and your wife will be well...to continue this journey called life.......A long time cancer patient

 

 

 

On 5/19/2007 Babysteps4me wrote:

   Brandon...I am not usually a confrontive person...but I had to respond to you letter....it made me so angry I could spit...As a cancer patient, that has been battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, with many reoccurances and on going treatment for years just to stay alive to raise my son's...you need to know that this is not about YOU!!!! Get over it...she is your wife....you have no idea what she is going through, until you yourself have had cancer and treatments...You complain about being tired....dear God, do you know what your wife has had to endure??? And you have little time to yourself..., you would have plenty of time, if this illness took her life....Do whatever you have to do to help the one you are supposed to love...in sickness and in health...get therapy..take pills, whatever it takes...for you to be a man and stop complaining...I have found there is a certain percentage of men....that just do not get it...If you were sick, your wife would be there taking care of you, as most women would....she would not be thinking of her discomfort....so, stop,this whinning about yourself...take care of your wife,and all the things that need to be done....try your best to keep burdons off of her..and pray that this is only a small period of your life and your wife will be well...to continue this journey called life.......A long time cancer patient

 

you said everything I wanted to say, i have brain cancer as well my husband has been great, so i had him respond to the letter instead knowing how upset he was when we first got th dx .

As I continue to read the replies that come in from my initial posting to this thread, I feel so much less alone and more and more supported every day. I have made some in roads to getting to talk with a social worker with a great organization called Cancer Family Care here in Cincinnati where we live. I am glad to know that I am not alone in my exhaustion at times, that I am doing the right things. I hear this not only in everyones support on this terrific website, but from the doctors and nurses that my wife and I see every day. Most of all my loving wife tells me how important I am to her and how much I am doing and how whole it makes her feel. I am honored to be her husband, her caregiver and her best friend as we travel this road together. There is no way for anyone to prepare for this in life, you just have to keep on living the best way you know how. Its just very comforting to know that other people have felt this way too, and to hear of what helps them. I hope to be as supportive to others as others need a reassuring voice. I think this website is a wonderful resource. My deepest thanks and best wishes of health and love to you all. Brandon.

Buy her a dog or a cat that she can cuddle up with.  One from the humane society.  Hire someone to be with her while you are gone - two to three times a week.  Take that time to go running or some kind of challenging exercise.

It is very important that you keep your mental and physical health up as the caregiver.  But you have to get up and get going!  And stop feeling sorry for yourself, even if you are justified.

Another cancer survivor

 

On 5/19/2007 Babysteps4me wrote:

   Brandon...I am not usually a confrontive person...but I had to respond to you letter....it made me so angry I could spit...As a cancer patient, that has been battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, with many reoccurances and on going treatment for years just to stay alive to raise my son's...you need to know that this is not about YOU!!!! Get over it...she is your wife....you have no idea what she is going through, until you yourself have had cancer and treatments...You complain about being tired....dear God, do you know what your wife has had to endure??? And you have little time to yourself..., you would have plenty of time, if this illness took her life....Do whatever you have to do to help the one you are supposed to love...in sickness and in health...get therapy..take pills, whatever it takes...for you to be a man and stop complaining...I have found there is a certain percentage of men....that just do not get it...If you were sick, your wife would be there taking care of you, as most women would....she would not be thinking of her discomfort....so, stop,this whinning about yourself...take care of your wife,and all the things that need to be done....try your best to keep burdons off of her..and pray that this is only a small period of your life and your wife will be well...to continue this journey called life.......A long time cancer patient

 

That's really not fair to Brandon. He is seeking help so he can help his wife and be the support she needs without breaking down himself. I have unfortunately been on both sides of this issue. When I was diagnosed with uterine cancer my husband was there for me. He took care of me in ways I never wanted him to, some of the things I needed help with I thought would change any romantic feelings he could ever have for me again, fortuntely I was wrong about that and our life continued. While I was sick I was as worried about him as I was about myself. I made a point to call a friend of his to arrange time out - I gave him my sisters phone number and between the two of them they got him out for breaks and she would "insist" he needed to go and give the two of us our girl time.

Now it's my turn to care for him. He has Stage 4 colon cancer - second occurance in 5 months. I recognize some of the feelings he's having when I have to clean him up from a bowel movement or from vomitting. I just tell him he's not getting out of the contract we signed 27 years ago and the oath we took before God "In sickness and in health". He remembers my girl time with my sister and now insists on some sports talk with a buddy or one of his brothers and sends me packing for lunch or dinner with the girls.

We talk candidly about how hard this is on us - either as the patient or as the caregiver. It's not a pity party of who has the been given the worst deal in this mess, just a reminder that we're both hurting and scared in our own way and need each other but need breaks too.

i  feel for you. i had cancer 2 years ago and my husband had a hard time  taking care of me also.  and just now i asked him what his advice would be for you and he said,  PRAY,,,,if you are a religious man that is the best advice. ask God to give you the strength and also your wife.  go and kiss her and tell her that everything will be ok.  thank Him also for her and for letting you be her husband, i will l pray for both of you.

Very sad to hear of your wife's illness.  I, too, am a caregiver.  My mother in law has pancreatic cancer (inoperable, she's in the end stages).  Like you, I've felt the stress of caring for someone who is very ill.  My mother in law lives with me & my family.  Her son, my husband, is helpful but, much like your buddies, pretty useless when it comes to lending me a hand with his mother.  As the mother in law is not very lucid or strong, she needs to be watched 24/7.  So I'm stuck here, a prisoner in my own home.  I feel your pain, as it were, and would be glad to swap sob stories with you.  Best of luck to you & your wife- she's lucky to have you.