Need Your Help...Husband So Anxious

Dear Doug's wife

I am also married to a man that has tongue cancer.  I  just wanted to say you are not alone.  We have only been married for 12 years he is also so anxious.  I am also waiting for a reply from someone.  My husband just started radiation and tomrrow he has both radiation and chemo.  They say things will get better.  It has to get better and so will Doug and Luis. We must believe that.  I wish I could tell you what to do to help him with being anxious but we are looking too.   Wishing you the best. Take care.

Cathy

Cathy, thanks for writing.  Yesterday we were told that Doug must see a psychiatrist first, he's having Parkinson's like symptoms.  A setback.

This whole thing is terrible.  Let's keep in touch.

Gina

On 5/22/2007 Cptmac wrote:

Look at the side effects of your drugs.  I took reglan and that caused medically induced Parkinsons for me.  It only effects 1% of people who take it.  Once I was off the drug, I returned to normal.

On 5/16/2007 Dougs Wife wrote:

Doug was diagnosed last month with tongue cancer.  He's had 1 Chemo round and got feeding tube installed this week.  Begins agressive radiation next week.  He is so ANXIOUS.  Even valium doesn't calm him.  This is his first illness ever, I'm trying to help him but am at a loss right now.  We've been married 36 yrs.  Any ideas will be greatly appreciated.

My husband (59) was diagnosed with base of tongue cancer in early Feb.  He is now through the treatments and in recovery.  Here is what I recommend, now that we have been through a lot of this.

1) Try to get your husband to look at some of the oral cancer message boards.  I see that more caregivers are reaching out to others than the patients.  But the direct contact through email or other ways between those that are going through it first hand is very valuable so that the patient doesn't feel so ALONE in this.  I think men seem to be less apt to get on to this, but then they are very grateful when they do.

2) Its important to try to get some balance back.  Cancer is overwhelming at first.  I had no idea what to expect, whether to keep working, what the future held, how my husband would deal with it, how we would deal as a couple, etc.  Here are the things that helped us and continue to help:

-Send status emails out periodically to people who want to get them:  family, friends, etc.  I started doing this partly to help myself, and I found SO many people responded, came to visit, ask me to keep sending, etc.  You will find out soon enough who is interested in keeping up with your news, and can let the others fall off your updates.  I try to send an update once a month.

-Funny Movies.  No kidding.  This was our therapy.  When I would get home from work and try to make Jeff something to eat (and fail) or just get myself something while he got his via the Tube, and when he could hardly talk, watching funny movies every night (just about), was a wonderful thing we could do together, be close, have fun and not think or talk about "IT".  I can't emphasize how important this became.  Also, I had something great to talk about the next day at work, if we had seen a really good movie.  People became comfortable asking me how things were going because I had pleasant things going on in my life as well as dealing with the cancer.  Laughter is truly the best medicine.  I bet it will help your husband.   If you want my movie list, let me know.

- If you like the movie idea, when friends and family ask "what can they do", and you haven't got a clue... ask them to send you funny movie titles.  They will like to do it and feel like they are contributing.  I've had friends bring over BAGS of funny videos.  When people can help, they feel connected.  It is very hard for friends of cancer patients.  They feel like you and the patient are on another planet.  I know because I know how reluctant I was (shy) to talk to anyone who had cancer.  I wanted to just stay away.  And then I felt bad about it.

Hope this is helpful.  Reach out to everything for help, and drop the things that don't work for you.  We started going to a cancer support group, but it really didn't meet our lifestyle.  I hired a caregiver to drive Jeff to most of his treatments and kept my job, which worked out for me.  Others I know have been more comfortable being there through the whole thing.

Another thing we forget is that our partners who have the disease are also worried about US.  So the better we find ways to deal with this ordeal, the better it is for their stress level as well.

 All best wishes to you.\

Susan

Hello!

 My 37 year old brother was diagnosed with Tongue Cancer end of April.  He finally had his 1st chemo session end of May (IV for 4 days) and his 2nd day, he had cisplatin .  He was actually there for 6 days, by the time he completed all the bags of chemo.

I guess I should give some background on my brother's medical history.  He's currently taking seraquel, doxipin and zolaf for his bi-polar depression.  He also has an extreme case of OCD.... He's gone through so much with his depression and has suffered from this for the past 15+ years.  My family has always done everything we could to help him out, but this recent cancer diagnosis came from left field.  This cancer is typically prone to those who smoke, chew tobacco or drink.  None of which my brother does. 

Everything happened so quick with the PET scan, MRI, consultation with the gastroenterologist for his PEG tube.... we didn't know what stages he was at, but we did know that his mass on his tongue was getting larger. 

 Going back to his treatments.  He just completed his 9th out of 37 sessions of radiation.  Although he's not too far into his radiation, he's just been SOOOO POSITIVE about everything.  He's actually been stronger than all of us.  Don't get me wrong, he's gone through some trying times.  Especially during his hospital stay, but we pray everyday.  We have all our friends and family praying for his recovery.  And this past Monday, the doctor was very pleased with how he's doing.  And I believe this is all a miracle from God!  My brother has said from the beginning, it's in God's hands and he's going to be okay.  We believe this with ALL our heart. 

 So if I can give you give your husbands any advice, believe in prayer.  It's powerful.  And I will be sure to include you and your family in my prayers.

 This is the 2nd family member diagnosed with cancer in less than 6 months.  My stepfather was diagnosed with colon cancer early this year and on his road to recovery, my brother was diagnosed.  My mom has been the caregiver for both, so if you can keep her, my stepfather and brother in your prayers... that would be wonderful.

God bless you, and just believe things will get better.

Jewelz