Melanoma Cancer Stage iv

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Melanoma Cancer Stage iv

by Red_Velvet on Sat Jul 31, 2004 12:00 AM

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Hello, I am new here. My spouse has melanoma cancer stage IV. We went to the doctor two days ago and was told that the catscan showed that things did not look good, that the masses and nodules have enlarged. He has been taking chemo once every three weeks. He has had his 6th treatment and now they want to change the medicine. We don't know what it will be until we go back to the dr next week. He found this out in January 2004 and now it is July 2004 and he is still active, playing golf 4 and 5 times a week. Cutting the grass and helping out at the church. My concern is we have 5 children and they all live out of town and in different states. He does not want to tell them anything that the doctor told us so as not to worry them. They all have their jobs and children to look after and he dosen't want to worry them. Could you help me understand this. I am home alone and have no one to talk to about his condition and my children would be a big support to me.

Melonoma Stage iv

by Thomas_L_1 on Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:00 AM

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I can relate to him perfectly, I was diagnosed with level III 2 years ago this September. I had a very close freind that passed away 12 years ago with level IV melonma. It hit me hard finding out I have the same thing. I thought it was the end of the world for me, I didn't want anyone to know, faimly or freinds no one. Eventually he will come around as I did. It's something you can't deal with alone. As I did in good time one will confied after he excepts the reality of it but it just takes time. I didn't want people to look at me as I'm already gone or feel sorry for me and even over mother me. It's a guy thing. I can only say just be ready for when he let's go cause he will need you the most. I hope this helps.

Melonoma Stage iv

by Kevin_W on Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:00 AM

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I am 36 and was diagnosed in Feb 04 with stage 3 melanoma. Have been blessed so far that is hasn't spread. Just started high-dose Interferon treatments this week. Also, we just had our third child two weeks ago. Been a little busy...just to say life doesn't stop around you. Without the love and support of our friends and family, it would be incredibly tough to get through this. Yes, it is hard to tell people, and in his case just coming to terms with it may be incredibly difficult. I wouldn't say I was in denial, but I didn't really want to accept the diagnosis either. I would just encourage your husband and you that you can gain strength from your friends and family. You'll be amazed at the number of connections you'll find with people who have experienced the same issues with their friends and family. Good luck.

Melanoma Stage iv

by Gail_C_1 on Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:00 AM

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Hi Dorothy, My name is Gail and my son, who is now 25, was diagnosed with Melanoma stage IV when he was 22. He has had 6 surgeries, 2 of which were plastic surgery to repair the areas where the melanoma was. We were told at the time that the only treatment is surgery. No chemo or radiation would help. His last surgery was December 2001, and he is doing wonderfully. He and his twin brother and younger sister have Dyplastic Nevus Syndrome, which is a genetic predispostion to melanoma. They all go to the Dermatologist every 3 months, and usually have to have biopsies. But so far, everything has been ok. It is a hard decision to make, whether or not to tell family about an illness, but you just have to do what you feel is right for your family. It sounds like your husband is getting along very well, so just take each day as it comes and be very grateful. At least that is what I try to do. Some days that is harder than others. I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck and write back if you would like to talk.

Support For Spouse

by Pamela_G_1 on Tue Jan 11, 2005 12:00 AM

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My husband is also in stage 4 MM. He was diagnosed about a year ago and took Thalidomide and Dexamethasone. He is now taking Velcade which seems quite promising. My husband has also decided not to share his diagnosis with his adult children because he doesn't want them to treat him any differently or risk that they may tell others. I have a few friends that I have share his diagnosis with confidentially and I use them as as a support. My husband has heard me talking to them and seems to have accepted it. I hope you have been able to find the support you need. Feel free to email me anytime.

my Husband

by Ellen1188 on Mon Jan 17, 2005 12:00 AM

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Dear Pamela, I would like to talk to someone else about my husband. Ellen

Let's Talk

by Pamela_G_1 on Tue Jan 18, 2005 12:00 AM

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I would be more than happy to talk with you. Let me know when and how. It feels really good to talk with others.

Father With Stage iv Melanoma

by Hopeful_Daughter on Mon Feb 21, 2005 12:00 AM

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It is nice to see some messages from people that have been diagnosed with stage IV melanoma that have been around for at least a couple of years after diagnosis. We live in Canada, so I am not sure what treatments are different in Canada vs. the US, maybe there is someone else out there in this situation from Canada that can shed some light on the subject? My father first found a lump on his upper thigh toward the groin area last spring, now it is about 5 inches by about 3-4 inches and has grown through the tendons in his leg and is inoperable. (we only found out it was cancer at the beginning of February 2005) It has also started to spread upward toward his stomach. We found out a couple of days ago that it is also in his lymph nodes and his bloodstream. As far as I know, the only treatment he will be receiving is radiation to his left leg. The lump they found in the lymph node under his right arm is not going to be treated unless it gets too big and becomes bothersome. I don't understand why he is not being put on any of the medications that I see some of the people on these message boards mention, or why they say chemo is not very effective. I have been wondering if it is because he will be 60 this year, or if they just don't think it is worth putting him through that and that what ever they do is useless? They just said they would treat the areas that it decided to show up in as long as it is not too uncomfortable for him. It doesn't sound too hopeful. Any information anyone can offer on this situation would be appreciated. I did want to address the people who had not advised their adult children of what is happening. As the 32 year old daughter in this situation, I could not imagine my father not telling me what is going on. I would feel awful to know that my father had kept such a life altering event from me and to know that he endured this situation with only my mother to lean on, and for my mother not to be able to lean on us for support. I am glad that I can now appreciate every moment I do have with my father and not take those moments for granted, like we so often tend to do, until we realize those moments will not go on forever.

Letting Adult Children Know About Dad's Illness

by Pamela_G_1 on Mon Feb 21, 2005 12:00 AM

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I agree that my husband's adult children should know about his health. My husband is adamant that he doesn't want them to know. They do know that he is ill and can no longer work and that he goes to the doctor frequently. I feel they would want to know the diagnosis and I pray that he will change his mind. I invite his adult children to the house as often as I can and plan family vacations and dinners so they can spend time with him. I have talked to my husband about his reasons for not telling them, and while I would still opt to tell them I honor my husband's decision. He has lost so much control over his life because of this illness I won't take this decision from him. I am glad that your mom and dad have included you in this part of your dad's life and I pray you will have many, many beautiful moments with your parents

Your Father

by Robbie_f_1 on Sat Apr 16, 2005 12:00 AM

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My wife has stage IIIC Metastatic Melanoma. She had a node excission last month and removed 28 lymph nodes, of which 3 were involved with MM. She has a pretty good chance of recovery with chemo and radiation. If she can make it to five years her chances double from 24 to 48 percent. We are from Arkansas and had to move to Houston TX for treatment at MD Anderson Cancer Center. Our local doctors were just not prepared to handle her disease, I'm wondering if your father is in the same boat we were in to start with. The local doctors were just not doing much and were taking their sweet time about it. We waited a month in Arkansas for something to be done and it just was not happening. At MD Anderson they took the bull by the horns and jumped right in and took care of business. You should ck your father's options. He has a lot of good life left, I'd fight as hard as I can. That's what we are doing. God Bless
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