No One Seems To Post Here

Something we all need is support during this horrific journey.

No one ever seems to post here.

Anyone just want to run away, scream, cry, give up all at the same time?

I am trying so hard, but there are moments, hours, days that just seem like all life is about is Mom and her Cancer.

I love her, and want it to go away.

Just to see her and feel this sadness is so overwhelming.

Beth

Hi Beth!

Yes I feel the same way!  My husband has cancer - first diagnosed 3 years ago - 36 rounds of radiation and 8 weeks of chemo.  We thought the cancer was gone.  This August they found another tumor in the same spot!  They did a complete larygectomy (removed his vocal cords, surrounding lymph nodes).  He breaths through a hole in his neck (a stoma) and talks with a voice prosthesis in his esophagus.  He was diagnosed in April AGAIN with the SAME cancer.  Now he is thre weeks into radiation and chemo - with 2 weeks to go.  He will have surgery in late July to remove all the radiation damaged tissue and any cancer that is left behind after treatments.  They will remove tissue from his forearm to reconstruct his esophagus and neck.  I am scared to death!  He is only 51 and very healthy and strong.  He has a great attitude (thank goodness!).  I feel just like you do many days!! I teach and that has helped keep me occupied.  Now that school is out, my whole life IS CANCER!!  I want to run away many days and just have time to be by myself without thinking about cancer but I can't.  I love my husband with all my heart and it pains me greatly to see him having to go through this AGAIN!  I hate that I have thoughts that I want to get away from it all because he can't!  You are not alone!!!  Stay strong and love your mom while you can!  Use this forum to vent, cry, scream, etc... I will join you!!! :o)  Take care of yourself Beth!!!

Debbie

 

On 6/1/2007 Njtwinmom wrote:

Something we all need is support during this horrific journey.

No one ever seems to post here.

Anyone just want to run away, scream, cry, give up all at the same time?

I am trying so hard, but there are moments, hours, days that just seem like all life is about is Mom and her Cancer.

I love her, and want it to go away.

Just to see her and feel this sadness is so overwhelming.

Beth

I'm so sorry for your pain Beth, I too felt/feel like you I just wanted it to go away. How I cope with the nightmare of cancer on a daily basis is cymbalta and denial...An antidepressant is not the answer for everyone but I couldn't drag myself out of the black hole..time was ticking and somehow I had to get on with life...What I have learned about cancer (I have 3c ovarian) is that its not so much I'm worried about my own death but to see those I love suffer because of their love FOR ME.  As a mom I would prevent any pain I could for my boys but I have no control. Life one day at a time is the best I can do, and it has taken me over a year to finally get to this place. Get up in the morning, take a deep breath, and just put one foot forward..it sounds lame but I just fake it till I make it..you are not alone and your mother is lucky to have such a daughter.

 

This is not my first opportunity to take care of someone I love under these circumstances.  My husband is sick now but I went through my Mothers breast cancer with her, caring for her just as I will my husband.  My Mom's illness lasted 20 years, from breast cancer to brain tumors and she resided in a nursing home for the last 14 of those years. 

I know what you feel when you say everything is about cancer.  I spend my days working, caring and my evenings researching and discussing cancer. 

BUT we ARE caregivers for one simple reason - we LOVE them. 

Your feelings of wanting to run away are normal, what you need to do is still find some time for yourself.  Get some time away from cancer and just relax.  Maybe there is a hobby you can take up, go window shopping, garden, take up photography (everything looks so different when you are dealing with illness that you tend to see things you never took note of before).. or write a book about your years as a caretaker,  There are web sites that will accept your writings and if that can help someone else WONDERFUL..  at the least it will help you. 

L.