Having A Bad Day And Needed To Talk

Hi, this is my first time writing-- I'm just feeling badly right now and it's not something I feel I can speak with my family about. My father has Stage 4 Lung and Stomach cancer, diagnosed 1/22/07. I'm supposed to be the 'strong' one-- my family depends upon me to make medical decisions and handle things that need to get done.  

 Sometimes that means being the 'bad guy' in Dad's eyes.  Tonight he had a nosebleed-- which he thought he could take care of himself.  Eventually we found out that this isn't the first one-- he hides problems, rather than admit something is not right.  Anyway-- a nosebleed is a side effect of the one chemo medication he is on and he's in a very frail condition.

I tried nicely to convince him to go to the hospital.  He insisted it would stop.  Fine-- I agreed that if it didn't stop in half hour that we'd go.  Well-- that came and went and I continued to be extremely patient with him.  Finally, after it had been bleeding for well over 2 hours I phoned his Dr. and they advised me to get him in to ER.  I told him that his Dr. said he HAD to go-- I assured him he wouldn't have to stay, we just need to get it checked out.  Needless to say, he is furious with me for making him go.

We went-- he was checked out-- and by the time we got there it had stopped bleeding.  My mother and sister are grateful that I can get him to do things that they cannot, such as go to the hospital, etc.  He kissed me good-bye when I left for the night-- so I know there's no real hard feelings.  I assure him that we love him and that we're concerned for him.

When he says angry, hurtful things I  tell myself it's not him talking, it's the pain, the medication,  etc-- but still, I must confess-- it does hurt when he lashes out at me.  Still, I'd rather have him lash out at me than my mother-- she's not so strong.  It breaks my heart to see her cry.

Anyway, thanks for listening-- hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

I am both a cancer survivor (childhood leukemia) and now carefiver of my Mom with Stage IV colon cancer.  I can tell your first and foremost that the drugs and disease cause anger and lashing out (it did with me when I was sick) and by no means is it intended personally to you at all.  So please know that more than anything.

It is rough being the one in charge with decisions etc.  that is also the case with me.  Just know what you are doing is wonderfully and by taking charge you are alleviating a lot of stress from your Mom and Dad.  Although the decisions are rough, difficult and frustrating, it is important you make them and surely you are doing so with a level head, so don't dopuble guess yourself.  We cannot change what is happening and we cannot change the outcome, we can make it as easy to endure for our parents as possible by taking on these extra responsibilities.  Please know what you are doing is appreciated and important eventhough you will often feel scared and over stressed.  You are a great daughter doing wonderful things for your parents, be proud.  Cancer is a horrible, horrible thing, but certainly makes us appreciate our family and life even more, so cherrish what you have and we will all pray for a cure... sooner rather than later! 

Hi there,

 I know exactly how you feel. My mum's been suffering with multiple myeloma for about 7 years now.  I'm the organiser in the family, the one that sorts things out, makes things happen, makes sure everything's alright.  I feel like there is know one in the world that understands how I feel, there's no one I can talk to. If I'm having a bad day, there's no one I feel comfortable with to confide in.  I feel like if I ring a friend, I'll upset them or if I ring my mum she'll worry.  My husband just doesn't deal with things so he doesn't understand why I get so upset.  He tries, but he just doens't quite get it.  It makes it a very lonely and difficult time in my life. 

I'm so glad I've found this website.  There are so many ppl going through the same feelings.

Thanks for listening