To Have Chemo Or Not

My mom has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer with multiple other tumors in her abdomen, she doesn't want to have chemo because of all the other people she knows died anyway and doesnt want to go thru all the suffering, she is 73 and feels she is having a good life, why when she isnt in any pain start the suffering and misery of all this, I don't know what to do or say ? The doctors wont do surgery until she tries chemo to see if they will stop growing.

My mom was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer at the age of 60. She had always said that she didn't want to do chemo if she ever got cancer. Well, she did decide to try chemo and radiation. I don't know if she felt this was her decision or if others talked her into it. Anyway, it ended up not working for her in the long run. We lost her this past summer, about a month after she turned 63. I don't know how long she would have had if she had done nothing, but I feel bad that she was used as a guinea pig for a cancer that not much was known about. This really needs to be your mom's decision. Whatever she decides, please be sure to spend as much time with her as you can. Make the most of every minute with her. I miss my mom so much, and I wish I had spent more time with her. I suppose you can never feel like you've spent enough time, but let her know how much you love her. We were supposed to have five more months with her than we actually did, and I feel so cheated.

I hope this helps.

Dannielle

Hi Sandee. Please beg your Mom to try the chemo. I was 46 when diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer in June 03. It was in the pleural fluid and I had multiple large tumors in my abdomen. When diagnosed, my primary doc told me that there was no hope for me. He told me that my family would want me to have chemo but that I should think about myself and consider not doing it. He was implying that the side effects of chemo would not be worth it. I went to an oncologist who told me that I was not yet in a position to say there is no hope. I decided to have chemo. I had 6 rounds of carboplatin and taxol, surgery to remove everything and then another 6 rounds. The chemo was done every 3 weeks. The first week of chemo I would feel sick. It wasn't fun, but definitely not the worst sickness I have ever felt. Then I would have 2 weeks of feeling perfectly fine. The CA125 came way down so I consider one week sick, 2 weeks not sick a decent trade off. I had a wonderful 15 months that I know I would not have had if I did not do the chemo. Unfortunately chemo ended last May and when I was checked 3 months later, it has been shown to come right back. CT scans show no tumors but something is going on. The CA125 is at 3000. So I have just started chemo again. This time I am on Doxil. I have only had one dose so I am not sure what to expect. The prognosis is not good for me but if I did not do chemo I would not have been around to see my daughter graduate from college, take 3 great trips with my husband or be here to see my son get engaged to the girl of his dreams.
If your Mom does not do chemo, her health will deteriorate rapidly. She is feeling fine now and maybe thinks she will die quietly and peacefully. I know that would not have happened for me. The pain and physical suffering is great. Before chemo, my lungs filled up on the outside with fluid. I could barely breath. It happened very suddenly. A needle was stuck in my back to drain out liters of fluid. They do not do this procedure with anesthetic. It was painful. This was done twice to me. When chemo was started, it cured this problem. That alone made chemo worth it for me. I'm sorry to sound alarmist or scare anyone anymore than they already are. I'm just so positive that a person needs to give chemo a chance.
I pray for all of us.
Jane

Thanks so much for your response. I understand where you are coming from. When I hear the word chemo I have about a hundred pictures running through my head! For one ,my mom losing her hair, and all her eyebrows, throwing up, and then taking pills to stop the throwing up, then more tests, the Dr. Lets go ahead and have surgery. I'm still dreaming, A HUGE Cut from her stomach, to her breastbone,! 4 hours in surgery, cutting away. Mom in the hospital room, the pain so bad I could hear her say I wished I would of never of had this done...

This is the true picture of what I would like you to see in your mind.
Mom is 5'4 around 115pds, she just turned 73, she has thin blond hair, she has the old fashioned hair do, teasing it into a french roll. Mom will whip up some brownies for anyone who just brings up brownies! and, she'll bring them to my house! She loves going to the kids sports games. Mom lives by herself. We talk alot to each other on the phone, and we go over to each others house. My Mom, What will I ever do without her???? Tears are pouring from my eyes. God PLEASE take good care of her then it is time!
I can't bear the thought of her last days in the hospital!
I hope I didn't offend anyone, thanks sandee

I hope you won't have to go through the last days in the hospital. I know I will never forget them. I just wish I could have Mom back here with me. I found out two weeks after she passed away that I was pregnant with my second child. I never got to share that with her.

I guess it depends on the prognosis with chemo. Mom did lose her hair, but fortunately, she never got sick and threw up from the chemo. I'm glad she didn't have to go through that.

I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.

Jane,
I would like to tell you thank you for taking the time to tell me about you and your families life. You're a very strong and wonderful person to get out and try to help my mom. We made an appointment. We had our first visit at the cancer center. I was so scared to walk into the building but of course I had to be strong. Mom acted like it diden't bother her a bit. Then they called our name. My stomach was in big knots. I have to keep telling myself don't cry, don't cry. The Dr. came in she was very nice. She went over all her records she then asked a lot of questions.We then asked about what are our options with chemo. She said they have a new pill out which has very little side affects. Then we asked ,will the insurance pay for this she said No. We have to try to get help so mom woulden't have to pay for it herself. After everything was done the Dr. asked Mom again you need to decide. Mom asked how long will I live if I don't have chemo? She said mabe a year. After we left and we got into the car she said ,there's still nothing they or the pill can do. I said to her take your time. I told her I Love You and I held her hand.

Would you know how much these pills cost? I forgot to ask. I'm sure there not cheap.
thank you again

I'll be saying prayers for you and your family and too all.

There are many signs in life that we miss because we have so much to do in life, Do you ever have that feeling that someone is standing over you? And you look back and no one was there? Your Mom was there and God.

Sandee

Hi Sandee: I have no idea what pill this doctor suggested for ovarian cancer. I have gone to several doctors, including Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC. Nobody has ever mentioned a pill. The fact that insurance doesn't cover it makes me think that it is part of a clinical trial. What is the name of the cancer center you went to? Also could you get in touch with the doctor and find out the name of this pill? Getting back to your original question of whether or not to do chemo. I had another thought. As your Mom is 73 years old, she is maybe familiar with hearing stories of people on chemo from years ago. I have heard several people say that chemo is not as bad as it was years ago. Don't get me wrong - every chemo drug has different side effects but generally it's not as bad.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Jane

Jane
Here is the name of that pill (Hexalen)
My girlfriend said it was on the news today, I haven't seen it yet. My husband told me to look it up on Google. I'm very interested to get more information.
Sandee

My name in Linda and I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer 3 1/2 years ago, Stage 3C. I have never been in remission but have taken chemo the entire time. I work full time and I'm able to have a "somewhat" normal life including golf, cooking and traveling. I have taken probably 70% of the different types of chemo for ovarian cancer and last month my doctor put me on Hexalen which is a pill form of chemo. From what I understand, this is not a new form of treatment but just recently they were able to make the pill more acceptable to the body. The previous pill made the patient sick, however, it was the coating on the pill and not necessarily the pill itself. My CA125 during the 1st treatment went down from 780 to 640 so I will be continuing treatment as long as it goes down. I love it since I don't have to go in for treatment, only blood work once a month. It's 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. I will be happy to answer any other questions you might have that I might have an answer. Good Health to All!