Taking the last few steps...

This starts in 1987, when my grandmother was diagnosed with PC.  I was in the Navy, at sea on a submarine, so I was no at home with her to see the progression.  It went very fast.

 Fast forward to May 4, 2007:

My father told me he was diagnosed with PC.  The mass was in the head, but neither duct was involved.  Over the next few weeks he had a PET scan and an endoscopic ultrasound done.  Both showed a 3cm mass in the head, but nothing else lit up on the PET scan.  However, the original CT showed a shadow around that same area that could not be identified.  On may 30th a whipple was attempted, but during the laparascopic portion of the procedure three lesions were found on the liver: so no whipple. 

He tried one course of chemo.  He got so sick and weak from that, plus his eyes started to go yellow.  He ended up in the hospital the day after fathers day with tremendous pain in his belly.  He started this ordeal weighing 130 pounds.  He is now down to 110 pounds.  He was started on morphine in the hospital (Titrate 3 mg/hr, bolus 2 mg, up to six times an hour).  He told us this past weekend that he did not want chemo, and that he wanted to go home to die.  We brought him home 6/27/07, with the morphine.  Hospice is here to help, and we have a 24 hour CNA coverage.  He is responsive, is happy he is home, and is now starting to shutdown.  His legs are filling with fluid, he had a nosebleed this morning, and is sleeping 10-14 hours per day.  HIs arms are flesh hanging on the bone.  There seems to be no muscle mass at all.  His face is gaunt, eyes are hollow, and speaks in raspy tones.  He is starting to develop a cough deep in his chest. 

But he has lucid moments.  We gave him a bell to ring if he needs anything.  Obviously we want to be with him, but we do recognize he needs his space to prepare for the next journey.  Last night he rang his bell shorlty after being put to bed.  My mother ran one direction, the CNA ran the other (the room has two entrances) and asked him what he needed.  He said he needed nothing, that he was ringing the bell to celbrate that his favorite baseball team won last night.

Prior to being released from the hospital, he told my brother and me that this is going to be quick.

 I understand the process that we are all going through, but there is no way you can prepare for the speed at which this moves.  Less than two months ago he seemed to be very healthy, vibrant,etc.  But, for the time being, his mind seems to be intact.      

My mom was diag. in July of 2004.  It has been 3 years on the roller coaster and it is very hard.  My mom was able to have the surgery, but did not do chemo until 9 months after her surgery.  They did not get all of the cancer with the surgery but there was not any mets to her liver.  She did chemo for 15 months, last June was her last treatment of chemo.  The oncologist said that my mom  should take the summer off of chemo and enjoy the summer for it would be her last.  Guess what he was wrong.  She is still fighting the battle today, as we speak.  Her starting weight before cancer was 130 and now she weighs 75.  She lives alone in her house and we have hospice coming in once a week to check her.  I check on her a couple of times a day, but she is on morphine pills and liquid morphine for the break through pain. You must understand how hard this is to watch your loved one just wither away to nothing.  She is a very strong person and will not give up.  I think things are getting worse now, her diarrhea is very bad.  She goes as much as 10 times a day, can not always make it to the bathroom, thank god for diapers.  Her pain is all the way around her stomach, at first it was just in her back but now it goes all the way around in a circle.  I know you have only had a short time but, I do not wish this upon anyone.  Last Sept, my mom was really bad, hospice thought that this was the end and look at us now, still praying for peace for her.  I know I am rambling, but I just wanted to share my story with you.  I will pray for you and your family as I pray everyday for a cure for this terrible disease.  I am very sorry to hear that it has affected two people in your family.  Have to contacted Johns Hopkins University, they have a research program going on that you might want to check into and they have a great web site just like this with lots of info and a disucssion board.  Again, I wish you and your family peace and comfort at this rough time.  please keep us updated on how things are going.