So many things have happened since my last post about my mother's body starting to shut down. Today is Saturday, she's been in the hopital since Wednesday morning. During the evening hours on Tuesday, my mother complained of sever pain. I initially thought the pain was "normal" and tried to give her break through meds. None of her medicine seemed to help ease the pain. It soon reached a point where the medicine wouldn't stay down. I contacted hospice for advice and assistance, because my mother was now complaining about chest pain and tightness. We also noticed a pool of dried blood on the back of her pajamas when she asked to use the bathroom. Hospice was of NO help. I guess the on-call nurse was sleepy and didn't want to get out of her bed. It was pretty late, around 4 am or so by this time. The hospice nurse instructed me to give my mother her pain meds anally. I'd never heard of that before, and it probably would have done something, hopefully, because I hope hospice wouldn't tell me to do something without logic. I decided to call paramedics instead because my mother had been suffering for too long and I wanted the pain to stop ASAP.
Oh, I forgot to mention that my dad was at work when all of this began. He came home around 12:45 am Wednesday morning. I was alone with my mother through this ordeal initally and was terrified that she was going to die. I honestly believe she was suppose to, but fought it off. At one point, she became ice cold, her eyes bucked and she seemed to be staring at someone. Then my mother started patting her chest and telling whomever it was, "No, I have to wait until my husband comes home. I have to wait until my husband comes home." I didn't ask any questions, I just continued to sit by her side holding her, telling her I love her. Her body began to warm again and she calmed down.
Once the paramedics arrived and took mom to the emergency room (she was continuing to vomit while in route), we were told she had a ruptured intestinal wall that caused some internal bleeding and a bladder infection. WOW, was I glad I acted on instinct and went around hospice. They weren't able to do corrective surgery for the ruptured intestinal wall, but they did begin to administer antibiotics for the bladder infection.
My mother's physician told us she didn't have much longer and to get her affairs in order. He also had to tell my mother what was going on. She took it very hard because we'd been sheltering her from any such news throughout the last year to keep her fighting. I now question if we did right by lying to her for so long because the news of having days to a couple of weeks to live hit hard.
Her pain meds are pretty high. She sleeps most of the day (still in the hospital fighting the infection). Before they got the pain meds properly adjusted, when my mother awoke in pain she would be out of her mind a little. She asked why were we allowing "them" to kill her. One nurse told her she had a beautiful daughter while trying to calm her, my mother responded saying, "and I want to stay here with her but ya'll won't let me." At one point my mother started crying saying she'd prayed and prayed but the Lord didn't hear her. She asked why didn't he hear her cry and she thought he'd answer her but he didn't. That was hard to take. She whispered to me that she was sorry if she'd ever done or said anything to hurt me and that she loved me. During one pain moment, she asked the nurse how much morphine she was giving, the nurse said 3 mg, and my mother told her to fill it up. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. She asked for 20 mg. I chuckled a little when she asked for 20. My mom asked what was I laughing at, and I told her 20 was too mcuh and they couldn't do that. She almost immediately felt at ease from the 3 mg. I then asked if she felt better and she said yes. Then I smiled and said, that was 3 mg mommy, see I told you 20 was too much. The nurse chuckled a little and my mom drifted off to sleep.
So today, I'm preparing to head back to the hospital. I don't know what to expect, when this will end, nothing. My mother is no longer waking up, telling stories and sharing her humor. She just sleeps now. When she is awake, she stares. She has a seriously congested chest, sore throat and it hurts her too much to talk. Her hands, feet and abdomen are swelling. It seems like she heard me tell the family about the swelling I noticed on yesterday and she fought it down because a couple of hours later, there was light swelling only, not the plumpness that was there before.
I know it won't be much longer now. Someone is still with my mom 24 hours a day. My aunt and I arrive at the hospital during the morning hours and we stay until 1 or 2 am. My dad sleeps at the hospital, so does my brother when he can. The vomitting is still happening, but not as much. Their giving my mother nutrients, which is why she's vomitting because her digestive system shut down about two weeks (maybe more) ago. So that's giving her a little more time. The family was against giving her this, we wanted her passing to be with the least amount of discomfort as possible and knew feeding her would only cause pain. But the hospital insisted on this, for whatever reason...I wasn't there during this conversation. Her nurses are wonderful though. They really make an effort to keep her comfortable.
So the active signs of death have kicked in: Sleeping, loss of bladder control, congested chest and throat, loosing her ability to speak, swelling of extremities and confusion.
My dad isn't aware that these are signs of her last days. He wants her to be more alert so he can talk to her and is concerned about the congestion and swelling. I've tried to explain to him why these things are happening but he doesn't hear me. Now, I just nod my head when he talks about what's happening. I can't help prepare someone that doesn't want to be prepared.
So, I'll post an update when I can. It's been very helpful for me to read other people's experiences with PC, so I will contintue to share my family's experiences as well, hoping my stories will help someone down the road.