My Mom Passed Away April 30, 2007

Hello everyone,

I am new to the message board. My mom passed away from Unknown Primary Cancer on April 30, 2007. She was 56 years old. Her original diagnosis was July 10, 2003. She had a reoccurence in February 2005 and again in April, 2006. I knew this day would come but I can't believe it has.

She fought a long, hard battle. She always kept her smile and never lost her positive attitude and faith even in the end. She was more than my mom she was best friend. We did everything together. We grocery shopped together, went to Church together, out to eat every Friday and Sunday. We vacationed together. I live next door to my parents so I cooked dinner for them most every night during the last 4 years. I was her primary caretaker along with my Dad. My sister and brother helped out but I was the one who was with her most through it all. I seen her go through so much in the last 4 years. I miss her so bad most days I can barely breath. I have a wonderful husband and precious 9 year old son who help me get out of the bed each day. My parents were married 40 years this past January and celebrated that by renewing their vows. My dad is so heartbroken because the love of his life is gone.His health is also not the greatest. It hurts me so bad to seem him going through this. He thought they would grow old together. I feel like most people really don't understand what cancer does to a family and to the person who is diagnosed with it. My mom was always one of the strongest women I knew and in her last month she went down to being completely helpless. I don't think you can ever be prepared to watch someone you love go through that. We had a wonderful hospice nurse. I thank God we had her in the final stages. Our family has a very strong Christian faith and it's as if people will say "You know she's better off than we are here." I know this is true but we all needed her so badly and even my strongest beliefs are not comforting me right now. She left behind a devoted husband who was her soulmate, 3 kids who loved her dearly and 6 grandchildren who thought she hung the moon. She was another mother to her son-in-laws. Our whole family is grieving and few people I think understand. Maybe they don't know what to say but it is hard when they compare your grief to problems they are having at work or things like that.  Some people who talk to me act as if I should be over it already. I can't get over a mother that easily who for 31 years of my life was a constant source of love and support. Everyone we meet who knew her talks about her smile and her positive outlook , and her love for life and her family. She's only been gone 2 months today but I miss her more each day. I pray for each one of you on this board who are facing this horrible disease. God Bless You All.

 

 

I know what you are going through. I just lost my dad on June 7th to liver cancer. There were also nodules in his lungs and intestines. We didnt know he had this until 2 weeks before he died. The symptoms he had we thought were something else. Blood and urine tests showed nothing though the urine was darker than usual. He had 2 huge masses on his liver that he thought were something else. He was 60 years old. Looking forward to retirement, his new house which is going to be done August 15th. We miss him terribly and it is just such a shock. He did everything to try to control his health and this got him anyway.

 

On 6/30/2007 Rayray31 wrote:

Hello everyone,

I am new to the message board. My mom passed away from Unknown Primary Cancer on April 30, 2007. She was 56 years old. Her original diagnosis was July 10, 2003. She had a reoccurence in February 2005 and again in April, 2006. I knew this day would come but I can't believe it has.

She fought a long, hard battle. She always kept her smile and never lost her positive attitude and faith even in the end. She was more than my mom she was best friend. We did everything together. We grocery shopped together, went to Church together, out to eat every Friday and Sunday. We vacationed together. I live next door to my parents so I cooked dinner for them most every night during the last 4 years. I was her primary caretaker along with my Dad. My sister and brother helped out but I was the one who was with her most through it all. I seen her go through so much in the last 4 years. I miss her so bad most days I can barely breath. I have a wonderful husband and precious 9 year old son who help me get out of the bed each day. My parents were married 40 years this past January and celebrated that by renewing their vows. My dad is so heartbroken because the love of his life is gone.His health is also not the greatest. It hurts me so bad to seem him going through this. He thought they would grow old together. I feel like most people really don't understand what cancer does to a family and to the person who is diagnosed with it. My mom was always one of the strongest women I knew and in her last month she went down to being completely helpless. I don't think you can ever be prepared to watch someone you love go through that. We had a wonderful hospice nurse. I thank God we had her in the final stages. Our family has a very strong Christian faith and it's as if people will say "You know she's better off than we are here." I know this is true but we all needed her so badly and even my strongest beliefs are not comforting me right now. She left behind a devoted husband who was her soulmate, 3 kids who loved her dearly and 6 grandchildren who thought she hung the moon. She was another mother to her son-in-laws. Our whole family is grieving and few people I think understand. Maybe they don't know what to say but it is hard when they compare your grief to problems they are having at work or things like that.  Some people who talk to me act as if I should be over it already. I can't get over a mother that easily who for 31 years of my life was a constant source of love and support. Everyone we meet who knew her talks about her smile and her positive outlook , and her love for life and her family. She's only been gone 2 months today but I miss her more each day. I pray for each one of you on this board who are facing this horrible disease. God Bless You All.

 

 

I am so sorry for your loss. What a lucky woman she was to have such a wonderful daughter as you and to have so much love in her life. And how blessed were you to have such a wonderful mother!!! Take good care of your Dad. Bless you.

Diane T

Hello to everyone and BLESS each and every one of you.  I have also lost a loved one and feel like I am trapped in my house because you are right- nobody does understand.  My husband was diagnosed July 31, 2003 and I lost him March 29, 2007.  This is the lonliest road I have ever been on.  My husband fought Leukemia so bravely for 4 years. He had known something was going on.............. symptoms arose around February of 03 until he finally had to go in.  I try to find something to read about my grieving but I think the four year struggle was a trauma and the treatments were a trauma and now the death.  We are doing okay.  We have three children.... Avery (m) 12, Jordan (m) 10, and Jo Jo Bean (f) 2.   I get angry that I have to be strong for them but I realize as my husband's wife that my husband left me such a beautiful legacy.  He could have shared his life with any person but it was me and I am so much better for this choice of his.  My children are still sad and pray for a cure every day.  SO MANY PEOPLE just mutter......he is in a better place, you are so strong, and on and on.  We didn't want to be in the spotlight.......we didn't want this but we do not question the Creator.  I miss him and cry and have problems breathing and feeling like it is okay to live.  I am not to that point yet.  It has been 105 days since his passing .  Without sounding crazy.........it is good to know that there are others feeling the same way.  Thank you for sharing.  It is so hard.............. Merrilee

 

On 7/13/2007 Merrilee wrote:

Hello to everyone and BLESS each and every one of you.  I have also lost a loved one and feel like I am trapped in my house because you are right- nobody does understand.  My husband was diagnosed July 31, 2003 and I lost him March 29, 2007.  This is the lonliest road I have ever been on.  My husband fought Leukemia so bravely for 4 years. He had known something was going on.............. symptoms arose around February of 03 until he finally had to go in.  I try to find something to read about my grieving but I think the four year struggle was a trauma and the treatments were a trauma and now the death.  We are doing okay.  We have three children.... Avery (m) 12, Jordan (m) 10, and Jo Jo Bean (f) 2.   I get angry that I have to be strong for them but I realize as my husband's wife that my husband left me such a beautiful legacy.  He could have shared his life with any person but it was me and I am so much better for this choice of his.  My children are still sad and pray for a cure every day.  SO MANY PEOPLE just mutter......he is in a better place, you are so strong, and on and on.  We didn't want to be in the spotlight.......we didn't want this but we do not question the Creator.  I miss him and cry and have problems breathing and feeling like it is okay to live.  I am not to that point yet.  It has been 105 days since his passing .  Without sounding crazy.........it is good to know that there are others feeling the same way.  Thank you for sharing.  It is so hard.............. Merrilee

Merilee,

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what you are dealing with. My parents were married for 40 years this past January and my Dad is so lost. He too feel likes very few people understand. My daddy is a Baptist minister but he feels like people think because he is a christian and has the hope of life her after and that my mom is in heaven he should be ok. But like we said, yes she is in Heaven, cancer free and pain free with no worries or cares, but we are still here without her, missing her and wanting her with us so bad. I know my pain is great because I was so close to my mom and she truly was my best friend but I cannot even begin to know the pain my dad is feeling or the pain you have. I feel blessed to have had my mom for 31 years although I would have loved to have had here until she was 90. My mom was 56 when she passed and had so many plans yet that she didn't get to have fulfilled. I know your children are helping you get through each day and I pray the part of your husband you see in each one of them will help you feel him close to you. I wish there was more I could say but as you know we can't put our grief into words. I don't expect people to understand what we are going through but it really upsets you when they try to say they do, yet tell you to go on. I haven't fully figured how to do that without crying every day. I do the things I have to and try to keep life fun for my son, and take care of my dad but my pain is constant. God Bless You and I pray for comfort. How long it will last I don't know. I have asked the same question. They say time heals but I feel like the longer my mom is gone it's that much longer since I've seen her or talked to her and I miss her more everyday.

your message just hit me really hard. i am so very sorry for your loss and i am so happy that you have your faith to help you through this terrible time. your mother sounds like an amazing woman and i am under no doubt that she was or that you loved each other with every particle of star that you are made of. 

my thoughts also go out to your father, i think we all grow up thinking that when/if we eventually find someone that nothing will stop us growing old together and possibly being old and senile. i have this image of an old couple walking around town moaning about youngsters and then sitting together on a night looking back at the past.

the only advice i can give you is that i believe life is for looking forward, for loving and cherising the past for all that it was and is and could lead to. any serious illness effects a magnitude of people. it effects their loved ones, their loved ones friends, and their friends. we all need support and i dont know if anyone can ever say they get enough. no one will ever be able to know what exactly you have felt and been through, even your own siblings will react differently to you even if they have been through every second of it that you have.

look forward for your future, the one that your mother shaped for you and the one that she prepared you to lead. you don't have to be strong all the time and when you don't feel strong just let someone else be strong for you.

all the best,

abby xxx