Supporting A Loved On

I am a fifity five year old male who has meet the most woderful woman in many ways, and I want to be of help to her. We  started dating about one year ago, and I have  never been married and her twice. She also has form of Lukimia that can be treated, and has  been in remission twice in the last ten years. I know that she is used to battling things alone being a single parent, and a good one at that. We are both are  the same age, and have  arived at this point in our lives traveling different paths. She is now thinking that the cancer has returend without going to see the Dr. I have  told her that I want be around to assit her in any way that I can by praying, or anything else, like going to assit her to see the Dr, and alike. As I read some of the other post it is not that uncommon  for soemone with the cancer to push a friend or lover away. I am hoping that the differnce we with our lives will not runion this realtionship. 

 

On 7/10/2007 looser wrote:

I am a fifity five year old male who has meet the most woderful woman in many ways, and I want to be of help to her. We  started dating about one year ago, and I have  never been married and her twice. She also has form of Lukimia that can be treated, and has  been in remission twice in the last ten years. I know that she is used to battling things alone being a single parent, and a good one at that. We are both are  the same age, and have  arived at this point in our lives traveling different paths. She is now thinking that the cancer has returend without going to see the Dr. I have  told her that I want be around to assit her in any way that I can by praying, or anything else, like going to assit her to see the Dr, and alike. As I read some of the other post it is not that uncommon  for soemone with the cancer to push a friend or lover away. I am hoping that the differnce we with our lives will not runion this realtionship. 

This woman is so lucky to have you in her life.  To be willing to support her in such a difficult time says a lot.  She may not want to form too much of an attachment to you because she fears a loss or of hurting you.  All you can do is offer support to her and be there if she needs you.  Sometimes it is difficult to ask for help, especially if a person has been hurt or let down in the past.  This may be a bumpy ride for you, and I admire your sense of compassion.

Blessings and good luck to both of you.

I admire you for hanging in there with her. My  husband told me because I got breast cancer it was my fault, and went on to have an affair, please do  not do this if you truly love her and want to support her all the way. It will be difficult, but you sound like a  really good guy and she should be glad to have you in her life. Much happiness to the two of you.

A lot of times, those we love going through this feel like they are taking away from us. Everyone is different and I cannot speak from her point of view. But, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to feel as if you feel sorry for her. If she feels that from you, she will pull away because it would make her feel weak. (Just an opinion) Look at her as you have when you first met her. "Hi honey - how was your day?"....."Mine sucked...you wouldn't believe what happened...or whatever.    Sometimes nothing said is best. You'll feel it (if you are paying attention). Try not to try so hard to get into her head, because you'll never truly understand. Follow her lead when it comes to how she is feeling. It's not easy because YOU can't fix it.

Check in here once in awhile. Sometimes responses don't come when you need them, but just getting your feelings out helps.           Hugs