Aftermath Of Leukemia---- My 40 Yr Old Husband Is Gone

I have gone through counseling, I have talked with family members and have started a garden and I am just empty.  I hurt.  I sleep.  I am depressed and I don't want pills.  I am a 38 year old mother of three and being strong for my husband's four year battle has left me winded and weak.  I am lonely and sometimes scared.  We were supposed to grow old together and raise our children together.  Our children are 12, 10 and 2 years old.  I think perhaps I need to just cry and be alone and then maybe come out.  I have been asked if I have started dating or told I need to move on.  How cold.  I have been told ............"What would your husband say to you now- if he could talk to you?"  That hurts so much more to even think.  I know he is in a better place without the cancer but now I feel like someone has dropped me out of a plane into some strange country.  People will see me and some will cry and want me to comfort them and I just do not understand.  I choose to stay home or away from people.  I would like to ask you as I have the Creator....... how long does this last and when will I feel a little better?  Thank you for your time.

Merrilee

On 7/13/2007 Merrilee wrote:

I have gone through counseling, I have talked with family members and have started a garden and I am just empty.  I hurt.  I sleep.  I am depressed and I don't want pills.  I am a 38 year old mother of three and being strong for my husband's four year battle has left me winded and weak.  I am lonely and sometimes scared.  We were supposed to grow old together and raise our children together.  Our children are 12, 10 and 2 years old.  I think perhaps I need to just cry and be alone and then maybe come out.  I have been asked if I have started dating or told I need to move on.  How cold.  I have been told ............"What would your husband say to you now- if he could talk to you?"  That hurts so much more to even think.  I know he is in a better place without the cancer but now I feel like someone has dropped me out of a plane into some strange country.  People will see me and some will cry and want me to comfort them and I just do not understand.  I choose to stay home or away from people.  I would like to ask you as I have the Creator....... how long does this last and when will I feel a little better?  Thank you for your time.

Merrilee

Dear Merrilee,

I am so sorry for your loss .I know it will take a lot of time to recover

from such a sad thing. But you have 3 beautiful children to live and try to be happy for . I cannot begin to imagine how you feel but time will heal slowly.I have my husband suffering from EC * Esophagus Cancer) and

I feel helpless but just hope all the time he will be well. He is in hospital been there since 29th May he was 65yrs yesterday.. I dread to think of anything happening to him. So I know you must feel totally lost without your beloved husband. Hang in there and it will get better , but it will take a lot of time.

I pray for you and your children.

Be strong.

Kind thoughts Mary 

I still have my husband but have been caring for him for 15 years. What you are going through is every carers nightmare.WHAT DO I DO?? They say time is a great healer and i do believe that, but i can imagine it being hard at the moment. Your husband is still with you through your children. I am a strong believer that they are with you in spirit. Talk to him when you feel lonely. He would not like you to be unhappy it is hard but things will get better i am sure. You have been strong for your husband and you will be strong for your children. As they grow you can feel proud as your husband would in what you have achieved.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

KEEP STRONG XX