I Need Help With My Husband

My husband had gotten cancer in 1999. It was squamous on the tonsil. He had intensive radiation & chemo trtmts and the tumor went away but he lost all of his salivae glands. H has had a hard time eating. But put up with it all this time. The dr's were not up front with him as they elected not to tell him this before his trtmts.

Well he has a squqmou cell canccer on his tongue. It's been going on for 2 months now. We finally got ok to go to our Cancer hospital here in Texas, MD Anderson. We go tomorrow to start the doctors visits. today he is not doing well at all. He can't eat hardly anything and drinking is hard not also. He drank about 6 cans of boost yesterday but couldn't today. He is very pale and yellowish now. I hope it's not too late for dr's to treat him.

He is very grumpy and short tempered. My daughter keeps telling me it's not its that he is in so much pain and is hurting so much that he grips at me. I find it very hard to handle when he gets like that and I feel so helpless that I cry alot now.

How do I cope as being his caregiver and try to keep an upbeat for him when sometimes I just want to shake him and yell at him?

If someone could give me some advise on what I am suppose to do as his caregiver. We will be married 36 years this Oct I hope we make it there.

 

Thank you

Sandy

I watch my mother take care of my father for 2 years and I think she would be able to help you with all your questions. My mom just had to try to stay strong and live for today and not think about tomorrow. I hope your family is doing well. I know it is hard for your family but don't take any thing that your husband says to heart and try to understand. The best thing to do is have faith. I know that might sound silly because every one says that. But my father was given 3 months to live in 1998 and passed away in 2000. My father was on an experimental medication and also Moriphine and could only drink boost. Keep up all that you are doing. The doctors arn't God. If you would like my mom's email to talk to her let me know. I am praying for you and your family. 

 

On 8/5/2007 sandy g wrote:

My husband had gotten cancer in 1999. It was squamous on the tonsil. He had intensive radiation & chemo trtmts and the tumor went away but he lost all of his salivae glands. H has had a hard time eating. But put up with it all this time. The dr's were not up front with him as they elected not to tell him this before his trtmts.

Well he has a squqmou cell canccer on his tongue. It's been going on for 2 months now. We finally got ok to go to our Cancer hospital here in Texas, MD Anderson. We go tomorrow to start the doctors visits. today he is not doing well at all. He can't eat hardly anything and drinking is hard not also. He drank about 6 cans of boost yesterday but couldn't today. He is very pale and yellowish now. I hope it's not too late for dr's to treat him.

He is very grumpy and short tempered. My daughter keeps telling me it's not its that he is in so much pain and is hurting so much that he grips at me. I find it very hard to handle when he gets like that and I feel so helpless that I cry alot now.

How do I cope as being his caregiver and try to keep an upbeat for him when sometimes I just want to shake him and yell at him?

If someone could give me some advise on what I am suppose to do as his caregiver. We will be married 36 years this Oct I hope we make it there.

 

Thank you

Sandy

Sandy...

Biting at the hand that is helping them is normal.  We don't like it but it is part of the ilness and the coping mechanism.  Some do it because they know the pain that they are putting you through, some because it is hard to be mad at God and wrong to show it, it is cancer they are striking out against.  Pain is hard to overcome.. hard to smile and be bubbly when you can't tolerate even simple tasks, like eating and drinking.

It shows a lot of spirit within him.  Just hang in there until you have all the Doc's advise and find out what treatment they think will best suit him.  TALK about it with your daughter and your husband.  Pain management will be a good starting point.  If they suggest radiation and/or chemo he will benefit greatly from a PEG tube.

Stay in touch with support groups, like this message board, that can be there for you.

You are in our prayers.

Louise

Dear Chinagirl,

I am glad you wrote, yes I would like to have your mom e-mail me and you also. I need some friendly talks with people who know what the caregivers are going through.

My e-mail address is

--Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html--

I would love to hear from you.

We had an appt with radiation dr yesterday. not good. said he would have 1 out of 4 chance of surviving. He really doesn't want to have PEG tube as he wants to able to drink by mouth and to eat somethings. right now its not looking encouraging.  Have doctor's appt next to go over all the testing we did this week and to give us our itinerary of what we can do.

Thank you for your kindness and support.

 

sandy

On 8/9/2007 chinagirl wrote:

I watch my mother take care of my father for 2 years and I think she would be able to help you with all your questions. My mom just had to try to stay strong and live for today and not think about tomorrow. I hope your family is doing well. I know it is hard for your family but don't take any thing that your husband says to heart and try to understand. The best thing to do is have faith. I know that might sound silly because every one says that. But my father was given 3 months to live in 1998 and passed away in 2000. My father was on an experimental medication and also Moriphine and could only drink boost. Keep up all that you are doing. The doctors arn't God. If you would like my mom's email to talk to her let me know. I am praying for you and your family. 

 

I sent this link to my mom's email since it would't display your email in the msg you sent me. I guess it is against the rules. I hope you and your family are doing well. I put your faimily an our prayer list at church. You will be able to send msgs to my mom when she responds..God Bless Your Family!!  And know your not alone. Thank You!!!!!! Tracey...

Thank you, We finished all appt's last week. Thought we would have appt's this week with the surgeon but none scheduled..He's only in on Monday's..I don't know why they aren't moving faster with my husband to get a decision made. He's in a  lot of pain and is feeling weak at times. It's getting hard for me as caretaker as he gets so moody and irrible all the time. I know he's in pain and I just can't help him and it hurts me.

I will keep you updated...Thanks for being here for me..

 

Sandy

On 8/12/2007 chinagirl wrote:

I sent this link to my mom's email since it would't display your email in the msg you sent me. I guess it is against the rules. I hope you and your family are doing well. I put your faimily an our prayer list at church. You will be able to send msgs to my mom when she responds..God Bless Your Family!!  And know your not alone. Thank You!!!!!! Tracey...

 

I would like to say first of all I'm new to all of this . My husband and I are just going threw the same thing as of this year Easter. he , for a year has been moody to the point I was going to leave him.He was to himself ......and we were not shareing anything in our lives any more and I am the most stubbern woman in the world.......if there's a glimmer of hope I was holding on to things getting better. He al of the sudden gets up and goes to the doctor Easter. Then we had our eyes opened. He has a lesion the size of your foot down his leg and between. It is sqamous cell carcenoma 2nd stage gone into 2 lymphnodes.He's had his first round of chemo and in a few days it will have been 3 weeks and were going again...........They expect this to go on for 8? mths and then radiation to take it ? off the outter skin................The first doctor said were not going to cure it? what does that meen? is he going to die?.................I am absolutely lost.................ready to fight ...but absolutely warn out