My Mom's Too Young For This & What Do I Tell My Boys?

Hi,

 I've been reading on this site for a few days, now, and love how supportive you all are. I hope you can help me in our journey as well.  My mom was just diagnosed with what appears to be stage III adinocarinoma NSC lung cancer.  It's all over her right lobe.  She has the PET scan tomorrow and a meeting with her oncologist on Wednesday.  I guess until that is all done, we won't really know what we're looking at.  She was diagnosed less than two weeks after her 53rd birthday.  She's had symptoms for a long time, but heart problems run in the family, so everything they did focused on the heart.  They only found it after she became so short of breath she couldn't walk down the hall.  The nodules were rubbing on her ribs and creating a buildup of fluid.  Right now she has a couple holes in her side where they drained the fluid (twice), performed a talc procedure, ran a scope and performed a biopsy.  She has a really good attitude about it right now.  Of course we're all a little scared and she's anxious to get the chemo started.  I took her to get her hair cut today so that when it begins to fall out, it won't be as traumatic as clumps of long hair would be.  She's being really brave, and I'm trying to be there with her, but it's hard.  I never thought I'd have to consider her not seeing her grandchildren grow-up.  My kids don't even know.  All I've been able to tell them is that grandma is really sick.  We lost my grandmom (mom's mom) to a form of lukemia less than a year and half ago.  They both know that GiGi died from cancer.  They are only 8 and 4.  We'll be with mom when she starts chemo, how do I explain it to them?  If I tell them she has cancer, they'll automatically assume she's going to die like GiGi did.  I don't even know what to expect from chemo.  Should I send them to spend the day with other family members?

I certainly know what your going thru. My mom turned 54 this month. My mom had surgeryt to remove to tumors from her brain on Friday. I havent told my children either. Im so afraid and whats worse is my youngest child (5) is scheduled to have open heart surgery this coming friday. My mom is laying in NICU in Ga alone and I cant go to her because of my sons upcoming surgery. My sister is waiting until she speaks to someone in Oncology before she decides when to go to her. Ive never felt so helpless. I will pray for you and your mother..

sincerely

kerri

I am so sorry to hear about your mom.  This is alot like the situation with my dad.  He was diagnosed with stage IV adenocarcinoma about a week before his 53rd birthday.  He went through 24 weeks of chemo and has been off chemo since Feb '07.  I know the doc  is sending him for a PET scan on Monday (August 27).  How did your moms scan go?

Anyway, I have yet to tell my children also.  They are 9, 7, and 5yr old twins.  They are very close to my dad.  They too, have already been through the death of my husbands mother and to hear that "Papa" has cancer will devastate them.  I continue to ask God for strength through this nightmare.  The oncologist told us in the beginning that we don't have to tell the kids until they start to ask questions about papa being sick or losing his hair.  I just did my best to limit their visits when they were all healthy and when dad was feeling good.  They did talk to him on the phone on a regular basis. 

I know you are just figuring everything out too, but that will never change.  I've learned that prayer is strong and just take one day at a time.  I pray the best for you and please let me know how your moms scan went.  Take care and God bless,

Tracey

On 8/23/2007 Ttbmaat wrote:

I am so sorry to hear about your mom.  This is alot like the situation with my dad.  He was diagnosed with stage IV adenocarcinoma about a week before his 53rd birthday.  He went through 24 weeks of chemo and has been off chemo since Feb '07.  I know the doc  is sending him for a PET scan on Monday (August 27).  How did your moms scan go?

Anyway, I have yet to tell my children also.  They are 9, 7, and 5yr old twins.  They are very close to my dad.  They too, have already been through the death of my husbands mother and to hear that "Papa" has cancer will devastate them.  I continue to ask God for strength through this nightmare.  The oncologist told us in the beginning that we don't have to tell the kids until they start to ask questions about papa being sick or losing his hair.  I just did my best to limit their visits when they were all healthy and when dad was feeling good.  They did talk to him on the phone on a regular basis. 

I know you are just figuring everything out too, but that will never change.  I've learned that prayer is strong and just take one day at a time.  I pray the best for you and please let me know how your moms scan went.  Take care and God bless,

Tracey

I hope your father is doing as well as possible.  My wife has stage IV adenocarcinoma and has went through whole brain and focused brain radiation, as well as radiation treatment to her lung and lymphnode.  Now they say it has went to her liver.  I would interested in knowing why kind of chemo you Dad has and how it has helped, or not.  Thank you