How Do You Not Cry Everyday...

My father was recently diagnosed with a stage IV cancer that, according to health care professionals, is so far advanced, no treatment is worthwhile.  They've sent him home to "get his affairs in order."  He is in quite a bit of pain, and barely able to function normally.  It is so tough to see him this way, and be able to do nothing but offer support.  My mother is an absolute trooper, and continues to try any and every alternative medicine that's on the market.  Some of these tactics are effective for his pain, but mostly he puts on a brave face.  This is the second time in 3 years that this monster has invaded our family, as my brother, only 33 at the time, endured a full year of chemotherapy and radiation to beat his lymphoma.

My Dad is one of my very best friends.  He taught me to drive, and as an autobody man, built me my first car.  He encouraged me to travel as a young person, and helped me convince my mom that 4 months in Europe would be a good thing.  He paid for my education, and I always knew that no matter which path I chose, that he would be proud.  He's been a friend and father to my husband, who no longer has his dad, and proudly gave me away at my wedding.  We've worked on cars together, golfed, camped, and even went skydiving a couple of times.

Although I realize that many people aren't fortunate enough to have these types of memories with their parent, I'm just not ready to lose my friend, my hero, my Dad.  How do you NOT cry everyday?

Kylie

Kiley,

My heart goes out to you and your family.  The feeling of seeing someone you love so dearly, begin their journey of the unknown is sometime so painful it feels as if your heart is going to explode.  You will not stop crying right away, it will take a little while.  But you will cry less and less as time goes by.  I know because almost 3 years ago I lost the best friend I ever had in my life...my dad.  I will always be daddys girl.  He taught me to fish when I was a little girl, taught me to drive as well.  He would come over for coffee every day for 4 straight years, and I could go on forever.  It just hurts and there is nothing that will make you stop crying.  It is natural, and the tears will come less and less over time.  I still miss my dad because he was the one I always went to when I needed to talk about something.  Now my husband has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and it feels like a void returned because I miss not having my dad to talk to.  You will have good days and bad days.  Turn to your husband for comfort and that will help.  Also, be there for your mom, as I am sure this is extremely hard on her also.  Never give up on miracles, as they have been known to happen.  Prepare for the worst and pray for the best.

I am truly sorry for what you are all going through, but I can really relate to your feelings as "daddy's little girl"

Hang in there and remember this is a wonderful support site.  Keep me posted.

God bless,

Jeff's girl

Crying everyday might be better then letting it build up and scaring everyone around you with a complete emoptional breakdown.  Cry a bit and call a friend, then get a cool glass of water and blow your nose, take some deep breaths, you can do it... 

Crying everyday is ok, just don't pop a tent and start living there.  :-)

Also, my boyfriend has stage IVB mets to liver and spine, inoperable but he is receiving Chemo.  He was in bad shape with pain in back and abdomen and couldn't eat.  He lost a lot of weight.  He had a stent placed in his esophagus. Now his pain has abated and he is eating regular meals.  The Chemo side effects cause nausea, so sometimes his appetite is poor...but eating is important to maintain the weight.  You should get to a regional cancer center and start him on Chemo. 

Have you googled "EC Cafe"?

Kylie,

I am so sorry to hear about your father.  I am going through something similar with my sister.  She has stage 3 stomach cancer and has just finished her radiation treatment and two rounds of chemotherapy.  I also cry everyday.  There is nothing wrong with crying.  It's better to cry than hold it in.  We lost our mother fourteen years ago which means I can relate to your pain.  All I can say is cherish every single second you spend with your dad now.  Tell him how much you love him.  Be there for him as much as you can. When I lost my mother it was only God who could help me, no one else.  There were times when I was in such deep despair and didn't know if I could live another second without her.  But here I am fourteen years later living proof that you live through it.  You may not want to but the sun keeps rising and setting. I found out that God truly gives us a way of escape when things in this life are too much to bear. As time passed He miraculously pushed my pain way back deep into my soul so that I could continue to live.  Sometimes I wonder if the pain is gone because I don't feel it anymore. But all I have to do is talk about my mother for a few minutes and the floodgates open all over again.Then I know it's there just under the surface.  God's internal mechanism has gotten me through.  As I go through this with my sister I am reminded through every small miracle, such as her not experiencing much pain, or nausea, that even in the mist of this horror there are still blessings that I can be thankful for.  We are not meant to stay here forever.  We all must pass this way.  Thank God that you were blessed with the father you have.  He sounds like a jewel.  What a lucky girl you have been.  I am praying for you all.

Sincerely,

Roberta