How Do I Convey To My Husband How I Feel

my husband has never had any sickness of any kind not even a cold and here I am with just finished surgery for thyriod cancer and all my emotions. want him to understand why I am scared and hurt and why it physically hurts and that things won't be the same.Some times I am in a foul mood and need to vent my anger at this and he doesn't get it. He seems to think every thing is oky doky and that i am going to be my normal self now that it has been cut out of my neck. He also doesn't understand I need a break from the doctors and that the quicker I get the treatment done the better but emotionally I need time for me to heal as well as my body to heal. I am going away for a weekend but it was a battle with him to let me go he is afraid my head is going to fall off while I am gone and he won't be there to stop it from happening. He has tryd everything to make it so I can't go. with no success so far. he has been manipulative, ect.

I can completely relate to you. I don't know what the right answer is because I go through the same stuff with my husband. I will try and tell him what I am feelimg and I have come to think he just wants it to all be over and thats it. Have you tried any kind of counseling?

 

On 8/16/2007 cassyopia wrote:

my husband has never had any sickness of any kind not even a cold and here I am with just finished surgery for thyriod cancer and all my emotions. want him to understand why I am scared and hurt and why it physically hurts and that things won't be the same.Some times I am in a foul mood and need to vent my anger at this and he doesn't get it. He seems to think every thing is oky doky and that i am going to be my normal self now that it has been cut out of my neck. He also doesn't understand I need a break from the doctors and that the quicker I get the treatment done the better but emotionally I need time for me to heal as well as my body to heal. I am going away for a weekend but it was a battle with him to let me go he is afraid my head is going to fall off while I am gone and he won't be there to stop it from happening. He has tryd everything to make it so I can't go. with no success so far. he has been manipulative, ect.

E Komo Mai (Welcome !!)

Hmm !! Where do I start? 

I am a 2 time thyroid cancer survivor and because of my support system I have made it this far.  Communication is the best thing for a healthy recovery.  Since he's not dealing with it so well maybe you could give him some reading material on thyroid cancer.  I did a great deal of research on my condition so that I was prepared for most of the good and bad effects.  I'm sorry your husband isn't proactive in your recovery.  He sounds like he's in denial.  I know it'll be hard but you will have to make him understand because your life has changed and it will never be the same.  My husband is my rock and I don't think I would have done it without him.  My second surgery was almost a year ago and I'm still in recovery period.  Right now you don't need added stress because it will make your recovery time longer.  May you find peace within yourself.  I will send positive vibes to your husband so he will be more compassionate with your condition.  Good Luck & Best Wishes.  Take Care & God Bless.

Aloha, Paulette

If you would like to read my story, please find it on this cancer compass website.  "Cancer Again ! Now What?", dated Jan 2007 on the thyroid cancer post message board. 

 

hey i am the girlfriend of panncreatris cancer surivor. he had the whipple done a year ago so i am on the other side. which it sounds selfish but we worry not pitty about him we are also afffected by the cacncer i would rather have it myself than see him go through it. It afftects everybodys life not only who has cancer. when you love somebody you always fill thier pain i will leave it as that. thnk about your spouse as well believe me i no.                                                     strugleying for answers

I see it's been about two months since you wrote your post, I hope your husband is being more supportive by now.  At the beginning of my diagnosis my husband was being a real poop!  When we saw the surgeon and he told us I was going to have surgery some time in November he made a comment about it being so close to Christmas and "I guess we won't be snowmobiling" which did not hit me well.  I was so mad at him and so was my mom (she was with us).  I came to the conclusion after thinking about it that he didn't mean it the way it sounded and that he just doesn't know how to express his worry very well.  As I started chemo he began to be very caring and compassionate.  I really don't believe that as a person with cancer you should have to be stressed out by anyone that can't handle it but if that's the card your dealt I guess you'll unfortunately have to.  Do as the other poster said and get your husband plenty of information so he knows what your dealing with.  Maybe he's so afraid of the word "cancer" that it's easier for him to deny it.  He may not realize that a person can beat cancer.  My husbands mom died from cancer and I think he just figured that was going to be my fate also so he commented on things he thought he could control.

Anyway, maybe things (hopefully) have gotten better for you by now.