Help

my good friend has malignant melanoma in the last stages.  her 6 children are willed to my husband and I.  the cancer is spreading everywhere.  it is in her lungs, brain, lymphnodes, liver and spleen.  all of a sudden she is dry heaving and sleeping all the time.  she lives in vermont and we live in missouri.  she has kind of stopped communicating with us because she said she cannot deal with this situation anymore.  we are very sad and frustrated about the whole situation.  i am not sure what to do in this situation.  if anyone out there can give some advice we would appreciate it.  she will not go on hospice.  we have tried to get her to move in with us but she refuses.  the children are upset not only about the fact of losing their mom, but also that they will have to move to missouri.  the docs keep telling us that the cancer is a fast moving one and she only has up to 6 months left and that was 4 months ago.  what are signs that the end is nearing?

 

On 8/21/2007 forlynn wrote:

my good friend has malignant melanoma in the last stages.  her 6 children are willed to my husband and I.  the cancer is spreading everywhere.  it is in her lungs, brain, lymphnodes, liver and spleen.  all of a sudden she is dry heaving and sleeping all the time.  she lives in vermont and we live in missouri.  she has kind of stopped communicating with us because she said she cannot deal with this situation anymore.  we are very sad and frustrated about the whole situation.  i am not sure what to do in this situation.  if anyone out there can give some advice we would appreciate it.  she will not go on hospice.  we have tried to get her to move in with us but she refuses.  the children are upset not only about the fact of losing their mom, but also that they will have to move to missouri.  the docs keep telling us that the cancer is a fast moving one and she only has up to 6 months left and that was 4 months ago.  what are signs that the end is nearing?

My heart goes out to you for such a sad situation.  Who is caring for your friend at the present time?  The children?.  If it were me I would get some professional advice from a mental health professional regarding the childrren. 

It depends on the individual as to signs of those last days. With my father, he began to have what they call 'terminal agitation' a few days before he passed.  After being bed ridden and calm he sudedenly was up and down, in and out of bed, etc.  Liquid morphine made him comfortable and kept him relaxed til the end

 I would think she would not be able to stay at home under these conditions and eventually be hospitalized - unless, she is taken in her sleep - and the children are the ones to find her, God forbid.  I would do everything I could to get there and assess the situation personnally - whether she wants you to or not. As she gets worse, she may be more willing to have hospice come in.  They would also be able to tell you more about the last day signs and help her be as comfortable as possible. Bless you for taking on the children.

Mrs. C

 

You will know when it is near - tell her to leave a message for her children - my husband died in June and he didn't.  Tell her it's ok to feel scared and that she can let go whenever she has had enough.  I have 2 small children - don't lie to them - try not to make them scared of doctors - my hopes and prayers are with you - this is an awful disease - talk to me if you need to x

thank you for your reply.  my friend is declining rapidly. the cancer has not eaten 80%of liver and 90%of her spleen.  she is on the fentonal patch for pain and docs have said nothing else they can do.  her children are acting out something fierce.  i feel so torn.  i need to be up there but my daughter is special needs and need me here.  i dont know what to do. i know her children are so scared.  i am scared for all of them too.  there is so much to plan for with receiving 6 new children into your family.  i wish my friend would let us help her more, but she is determined to fight, which i understand fully as a mom.  the doc now has said that she has about 8 weeks or so left.