Dealing With The Loss of my Mom

Dear Sandy,

I'm so sorry. Tomorrow will be a rough day for you. Please know I'll be praying for you. It's been just over 4 months since I lost Momma, but it seems like yesterday.

Just lost my brother-in-law to cancer on June 16, the day of your post.

Keep your faith, and know that there's someone out there praying for you!

Lori

I lost my Daddy after a seven year battle of throat cancer. He passed Feb. 28th exactly 1 week before his 70th birthday. My husband and I were his caregivers during his battle. Everytime I don't think I can find the strength to keep going Daddy pops into my mind. I know it his him telling me he is ok. Just like the other day i was going to the grocery store getting stuff for tacos and thinking of it when as plain as day i saw him in the kitchen shaking his onions on to the taco (he never used hands or spoon)we always used to laugh about it. I know in my heart that he was trying to tell me he's ok and that it is ok to go on laughing without him, but it is so hard. I always think that my Daddy is back home visiting his Sister and will be coming home at anytime but he hasn't. I kind of thought that watching him suffer so bad the last 6 months would make it a little easier but gosh it has not. Sometimes i get so mad wondering why him, then I start to think of how much he suffered. And how I would never wish that on anyone. It is so hard I am trying to find some place for support. I am sorry I rambled. Thanks for listening. Thoughts are with all. Dena

I lost my mom the 18th of December 2005 she died in my arms, she was diagnosed with cancer four yrs ago and i had to lose her in that suffering way.I dont think i will ever forget that day what hurts most is the house just being there her room , her clothes, her scent is still in that room and that just totures me for now i am ok the only thing that bothers me is my brother cause he doesnt speak about it and it looks like he's ok but i know he isnt i have my days when i am ok and i have my days when i just wish she was there i am so scared for the future cause i know she is not going to be there to see her grandchildren and just any event that is coming up i am also very angry for her cause i think she just needed to stay strong one more day then again i just feel slefish cause i knew and i saw the pain she was in i am just so confused maybe because it its to soon after her death

Hi
How old r u ?
Ijust wanna say i know how you feel
i lost my mother a month ago and im only 15 years old..its really hard cuz i wanted her to see my childs later and my sister and brother's too...and she didnt saw my graduation and she saw my siblings one...its really hard i miss her so much im only fifteen and i need her im so young...at least i have my sister and she is gonna replace a bit my mom but no one will replace my mom...i miss her so much...please write me back...thx bye

I am so sorry about your Mother. I lost mine on January 25, 2002. I was 48, too young to be without her, if you know what I mean. You think they will always be here. It is now 4 1/2 years later, and I want you to know that it is still just as hard, but different.

My mother didn't have cancer. She suffered just the same....for 5 years....and she didn't want to leave us either. I fought for so long to get the memories of her last week out of my head just long enough to sleep through a nite. I struggled and I ached so badly that I didn't want to live without her. (I kept these feelings inside...no one knew. Everyone thought I was doing so well.) I thought things would never get better.

I want you to know that they do. I still ache, I still struggle, but not with the bad memories and the suffering, and not to find answers. I can finally think of her with sweetness and love, and not the suffering. I see God's plan in the way things happened, and I feel his comfort and love. She would have wanted that. She loved me so much that she wouldn't want me to suffer forever without her.

I ask God to let me feel her hand on my cheek, her kiss on my forehead, hear her voice....anything to know she is still with me. As close as we were, I would expect to be able to do that. But it never happens. I know how much she loved me, and therefore, I know she is with me. She wouldn't have left us without making that deal with God. Everytime I see a creature of God's, a bloom, a sunset, hear one of her favorite songs, look at my hands, hear her words come flying out of my mouth, see her smile in the mirror....I know she is right by my side...loving me still....forever. My struggle gets easier, the ache duller, the sweetness and love greater. Time doesn't heal, but it definitely makes us stronger---and wiser.

I hope I have helped ease your pain some, and given you hope and peace for a good nite's sleep. We are sisters in our loss. The hardest thing I have ever had to experience is the loss of my Mom. I told her a part of me would always be with her, and a part of her would always be with me. That's how we lived.....that's how I go on. Your pain will ease, the sweetness will grow, your love for each other will shine brighter. It does get better. Just hold on.

I love you, Sister, and I am praying for you.
Connie

 

On 2/12/2005 Jodemus wrote:

I took care of my mother during the end of her battle with pancreatic cancer. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself until 11-04. She went into the hospital after the 2nd bad reaction to chemo. She was diagnosed in 2-02. She had the whipple and everything was fine. The tumor showed back up this august and they tried a new chemo but it was just too harsh for her. She went home on hospice 11-13-04. I watched her turn into a child from a very strong and independant woman. I watched the most amazing spititual experiences. I was completely calmed about death. The last 4 days is the only time when we couldn't communicate. Even though I am not sure just how lucid our conversations played out in her mind. She couldn't eat the last 2 weeks and she lost so much weight. The hardest part was watching her body deteriorate. It was a total of 3 weeks and it seemed to drag on forever during that time but looking back, it was so quick. I wanted to to go because I couldn't bare to watch her suffer. She was so ready to go also. She was so funny at times because she kept asking what to do next so she could die. I told her that I don't think God is going to allow someone up there who is more controlling than him up there. She only wanted certain people around but of course everyone was there. The strange thing was, was that the only people she wanted around were there when she passed. I think she saw that and decided that she better go now. I guess she never gave up control after all. I have had very strange experiences since she has passed and I am convinced that it is her making things happen. We discussed certain things before she died and I truely believe that they are still around after they are gone. Has anyone else out there felt their loved one around? Jodi B.

 

 The strange thing was, was that the only people she wanted around were there when she passed. I think she saw that and decided that she better go now. I guess she never gave up control after all.

 My mom did the same thing, she passed away June 13 of this year. And the house was filled, at 9 the house cleared out and at 10:10 pm she died.

 I have been watching for some stuff to happen as well and it does. I can so relate to everything that you wrote.

Noone knows how we feel, I am more comfortable around people who understand then even my friends and even they shyed away from me in my moms last few months.

 If you want to chat please let me know, take care.

that was beautiful...i just lost my mom 3 weeks ago....still so hard

dear helpful,

I really feel connected to what you experience. I lost my mum 11 years ago from brain cancer. The sad and painful thing is that I still sometimes miss her so much, eventhough long time ago I overcame my bereavement. I used to say to myself that she went for a trip, or she moved to another country..I used to see other women of her age in the crowds with the hope that it could be her. I might not help you with what I write, but I wanted to let you know that unfortunately other people like me, have similar feelings to yours.

The most painful part of all this loss is the one you mentioned: how can we deal without any hug from them?I still recall her smell, the massages she would give me. I understand bitterly and deeply they cannot be replaced. But I captivate my emotions at that time and have them inside my soul as my most precious feelings, emotions of being loved and taken good care of. I really wish that I will be able to give to my children the love and affection she has given me. I think this might be a way of coping: we should continue the chain of beloved hugs, of sharing the love..of giving to other people what our mums taught to us. Somehow through this, their existence might be sensed.

I could keep writing for ages, I am very touched by this site. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I really wish that god will rest their souls and we ll find our way through this. 

Your story sounds so much like my own..My mom passed away 2 months ago after battling Stage 4 breast cancer for 10 years. My mom was 55 years old. I am the oldest of three children..I am 31, my sister is 29 and my brother is 26 today. I need to tell you that you must spiritualy want to see the signs and leave yourself "open". Since my mom has passed I have had several vivid dreams where when I wake up I write down what I remember. Let me tell you one...I am writing you this directly from my notebook...

Last night I dreampt of mommy. She told me that she saw all of us standing around her as she passed. She said "I saw all 12 of you"- that is confirmation enough for me because I had no clue how many people were there and now that I think of it there were in fact 12 people- Daddy, me, Cortney, Ian, Andy, Pete, Uncle Eddie, Aunt Joanne, Uncle Jimmy,Annmarie, Sally and the Priest. What a great thing! She also said she saw the funeral and that we did a great job. When I told her about the motorcycle escort daddy got she shook her head and kind of rolled her eyes with a smile. She said that she was proud of daddy for holding things together and how he is  coping. At one point Cort and I were showing mommy her death certificate and by some strange action we were telling her that maybe we could save her and she just looked@ us and shook her head as if she was too tired to fight anymore. She told me that she was the one diming the lights in the house. I also asked her if she remembered what she had told me in a dream when she passed and she said " I told you I need you to take care of yourself"....If that isn't proof enough that a mothers love never ends.....Hope this cheers you up and gives you hope.

with Love, MAegan