Lost My Gram To Cancer Just 3 Days Ago

I am finally satisfied that I can find a board to talk on about my loss. My gram was 75 years old and exactly a week from this past thursday she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year. They never gave us a time frame that she was going to live. My gram had 2 daughters, my mother and my aunt. Although our family had some problems, my gram was the backbone of the family and I never thought I would live a day without her. She was such a beautiful person inside and out and although she yelled at me for spending my money unwisely or something like that...I miss that terribly and can hear her voice now. She died on Thursday, Feb. 10th,2005 at 11:50am. I was holding her hand in mine and rubbing her fingers on my face. The last thing I remember saying is Gram, your fingers are so blue. Her eyes got real wide and she breathed her last breath on this earth. Although I know she is in a better place, I am hurting. I am hurting because I loved her so. I am hurting because I have to still be a mother and wife but yet still mourne her death. I am hurting because my own mother is going through so much pain and I know there is nothing I can do for her. I am hurting because there will never be another moment when I call the house and my gram answers the phone and she says "what do you want?" I am hurting because she was suffering when she died. I am hurting because although she will suffer no more on earth, we will continue to suffer through our pain.

Tomorrow is her viewing. She will be cremated on Tues and then put in the ground on Wed. I know I can just think back of the good memories with her but right now the only ones that come to mind are the ones of her death. How warm she was right before she died and then after when I said my final goodbye as she was lying in her bed, peacefully, how cold her cheek was and how motionless her body was. I know that she is walking with the Lord right now. Telling him how her 8 grandchild and her 2 daughters and the rest of her family should not be crying for her. I know this. She was ready a few months ago. I'm not sure what she waiting for and why she didn't leave us then, but she waited for something that only she will know. I'm glad that I am the one that had the special bond with her. I'm glad that I was the one holding her hand when she took her last breath. That will always be a special memory in my heart and soul to know that we shared her passing.

I know all of these feelings will pass in time. My gram was such a wonderful lady, even though she was strict, her wisdom was instilled in all of us at some point. I know she will be walking with me everyday of life and I have to get over the guilt of living my life without having her here. A huge chunk of my heart went away on Feb. 10, 2005 but in time she will fill that up again with her memories and her spirit that surrounds me everyday of my life.

I am sorry to read about the loss of your grandmother but hope that I can help you in an important way. I was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer in 06/03. I have been going through various chemotherapy treatments since then and have had many good days. I think it is miraculous that I am still here but realize that every day is a gift. I am responding to your letter because I had no symptoms whatsoever of cancer. I was healthy, felt perfectly fine and all of a sudden I couldn't breath. It appears that the outside of my lungs were filling with fluid. Tests were done and that is how I was eventually diagnosed. When asked about having symptoms I denied any. When asked about family history of ovarian cancer, I at first denied family history. Then my mother told me that my grandmother, who died in 1977 of a heart attack MAY have had ovarian cancer. I think she probably did because all doctors are baffled as to how else I got this. My message is - go to a gyn and have yourself checked out. Tell the gyn about your family history. And of course it is even more important for your mother to do this. Good luck to you.

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through what my gram went through. She was such a wonderful and beautiful person and yesterday in her casket, she looked so peaceful and no pain was going through her body anymore. I believe that this was the mistake of her doctor in the first place. She kept saying that she had pain right above her pelvic bone but because she had 3 back operations that was where they were concentrating on. Now that she is gone there are so many things that could've been different and my life and my family's life will never be the same.

I hope that you get the treatment that you need to fight this awful disease. My grandmother started chemo but because she was so old, it literally put her on her death bed.She said she would handle it till the Lord took her home and she did...with strength and courage right up till the very end.

I will go get checked because as I found out, cancer runs on both my father's side with the women and on my mother's side. I am the only biological child from my mother and father and I know that I am at increased risk because my dad's 3 sister's all had some kind of cancer.

Once again I hope you get the treatment you need. This is such an awful disease and I am praying for your recovery.

Sommer - I am sooo sorry about your loss and I share your pain. I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer on June 14, 2002. I had a masectomy on July 20, 2002 and my grandmother passed away in her sleep of natural causes on July 24, 2002.

I have not talked about this until yesterday and after reading your message, I'm re-living this again. I say that not to make you feel bad but because I know how you feel. I went to the wake one week after my surgery and cried until no more tears would drop. She will never make my favorite foods or share her wonderful recipies with me again. I can never again feel comfortable going to her house because she's not there. She went to her grave never knowing I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. But as she lay in the casket at her wake and at least five of my cousins looked at her through tear-filled eyes, she smiled at me and I felt comfort ever since.

In the Bible, 2 Timothy 1:7 says For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, of power and of sound mind. I say that to say what I said to a former co-worker when her husband passed last year of cancer: She told me about an essay she found around the house that her daughter had written for some college course she took. In it, the daughter talked about different memories she had of things her father did and times they shared together. She told me that her daughter was taking her father's death rather hard. I gave her the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7 and told her to let her sound mind focus on the good memories and they will provide comfort in those times of sadness and allow him to continue living. That has held true for me since July 24, 2002 and I know it will work for you.

Be blessed, now and always.
Fran

My mom is suffering from cancer she has it through her body and my heart goes out to you all who has a love one with cancer or lost one to it my mom is still living but lives in pain shes my best friend and not sure how I will feel when the lord takes her home but I will do all I can for her now I have two boys that will miss her I to have had cancer and I just went in to remission Dec. 1 2004.

I just lost my mother the day before her 44th birthday. Still can't deal with anything as of yet. I feel your pain as I can fully understand what you're going through. My mother was diagnosed with late stage colon cancer just 2 weeks before my son was born. She passed away at home and it was something she always wanted.
Just sending you my blessings and may you rebound from this with a warm heart. Mike