I am 36 and a 2-time breast cancer survivor. I was first diagnosed two years ago in stage 3 and I now take weekly treatments of Taxol for metastatic breast cancer in the lungs and bones.
As I drove myself home after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I stopped at a red light and asked God this question: I have friends that smoke 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day, I have other friends that have had sex with entire townships, I have other friends that drink liquor like it's kool-aid. I've never judged or shunned any of them about the things they've done. And while I don't wish this or any disease on any of them, none of them are sick. So what am I supposed to learn from this?
In the midst of me crying, God said: It's not about you.
I don't know why, but upon hearing that, I stopped crying. God never elaborated beyond that statement but in the two years since then I've learned that this really was NOT about me. God has used me to be an example to others that have unfortunately been diagnosed after me. So many of the women in my support group have taken chemotherapy and not had the strength to work. I not only go for chemotherapy every week since my recurrence (in August, 2004) but I also work about 45 hours a week.
Since my diagnosis, I have continued to change my eating habits. I don't eat fast food, I've eliminated most of the junk food...I may treat myself to french fries, cheesecake or ice cream once a month.
Once I got a second opinion that confirmed the diagnosis, God told me to let go of past hurts and anger. He said forgive and let it go. That for me was a bit of a challenge. There were many days prior to diagnosis where I would be happy and doing whatever and out of nowhere a memory of something someone did to me that made me really angry would pop into my head and I would re-live the entire experience and I could feel my chest get tight and I would have to take several deep breaths to loosen up. It did take time, but it has also gotten easier to do.
Another major task was separating myself from negative people. The Bible tells us to guard our eyes and ears against evil because the pride of life can tempt us to sin. It is really easy to get swept up in listening to people talk negatively about other people. For some reason, we've been conditioned to find that interesting which is why there are so many celebrity gossip programs, magazines, websites, etc. From the second week after the initial diagnosis until now, I get a sick feeling inside when people start talking negatively about anything around me. I'm not saying that I live a sheltered life where I only talk about sunshine and blue skies; I will discuss the good, the bad and the ugly for the sake of sharing information and learning from it but I don't have time - and neither does any other cancer survivor - to waste on trivial matters, we must be about the business of getting and helping others get healed.
The most important lesson I have learned from this experience is this: Life, Time and Choice are the most precious gifts God has given us. How we use that time, that life shows our gratitude to God because it shows how we make choices. We can choose to be angry, bitter or scared that we have received this diagnosis and in some cases, blame God. Or we can choose to live life to the fullest and encourage another survivor to do the same knowing that God will enable us. The Bible tells us that with man all things are impossible, but nothing is impossible for God. It is one of the scriptures that comforts me most on this journey.
So what would I say is the meaning of my illness: Jesus told his disciples that when He left to return to the right hand of the father, the disciples would be able to do even greater works than Jesus did as He walked with them and taught them. I believe that those of us that are dealing with these diseases - cancer, lupus, sickle-cell, etc. - are here so that others who don't believe Jesus because they cannot physically see Him will come to believe because they will not only physically see us healed, but because we in turn will lay hands on them and by the authority given to us by Jesus, others will be healed.
Isaiah 54:17 says "No weapon forged against you will prevail and you will refute every tongue that accuses you." That means that when the naysayers come around looking at you like your at the end of your days, you can look at them with confidence and tell them Jesus was wounded for my transgressions and bruised for my iniquities. The chastisement of my peace was upon the Lord and by His stripes I AM HEALED!!