Nursing My Dad

my dad was taken in2 hospital 2006. and was told he had stones. 2wks later was taken 2 the john radcliff in oxford where they told us he had a tumor on the commom duct and that it was primary. and it was resectable,   this never went ahead. he was given 24hrs 2 live after a stent was placed in2 the common duct. after invasive treatment they got his organs working and 4wks later was able 2 cum home. with a nursing background i and my 2 children moved in with my parents. and i became his full time nurse. when leaving oxford the docs gave him 8/10wks. he lasted 7months. through most of his illness he fought and fought. and tried so hard to remain active. even though i cud see he struggeld so much. he wud cry at nite about leaving his family. i spent 24hrs a day with him i slept on the sofa beside his bed. and we'd chat all nite just about life. he spent his life fund raising for the sick and needy he was president of rotary, and captain of the towns golf club. loved and respected by all who new him. the last wk of his life was so unfair. he was put on a course of steroids. we were told this wud shrink the liver and take presure of the kidneys. but it seemed 2 me 2 make things alot worse. he started having fits, and his brain was effected. which was his biggest fear. it made keeping him comfortable so hard. it was hard 2 turn him in his last hrs. as every time he was moved he wud fit. i promised him that his dignity wud always be kept. but in his last moments i was re,doing his convene and he was naked and uncovered. he died 4 days ago at the age of just 64. and i cant ever forgive myself for his last moments. it wasnt how it shud have been 4 him. he was the best dad he was my best friend my everything. and im so empty and lost. and hate myself for the last moments of his life.

On 9/9/2007 scrag wrote:

my dad was taken in2 hospital 2006. and was told he had stones. 2wks later was taken 2 the john radcliff in oxford where they told us he had a tumor on the commom duct and that it was primary. and it was resectable,   this never went ahead. he was given 24hrs 2 live after a stent was placed in2 the common duct. after invasive treatment they got his organs working and 4wks later was able 2 cum home. with a nursing background i and my 2 children moved in with my parents. and i became his full time nurse. when leaving oxford the docs gave him 8/10wks. he lasted 7months. through most of his illness he fought and fought. and tried so hard to remain active. even though i cud see he struggeld so much. he wud cry at nite about leaving his family. i spent 24hrs a day with him i slept on the sofa beside his bed. and we'd chat all nite just about life. he spent his life fund raising for the sick and needy he was president of rotary, and captain of the towns golf club. loved and respected by all who new him. the last wk of his life was so unfair. he was put on a course of steroids. we were told this wud shrink the liver and take presure of the kidneys. but it seemed 2 me 2 make things alot worse. he started having fits, and his brain was effected. which was his biggest fear. it made keeping him comfortable so hard. it was hard 2 turn him in his last hrs. as every time he was moved he wud fit. i promised him that his dignity wud always be kept. but in his last moments i was re,doing his convene and he was naked and uncovered. he died 4 days ago at the age of just 64. and i cant ever forgive myself for his last moments. it wasnt how it shud have been 4 him. he was the best dad he was my best friend my everything. and im so empty and lost. and hate myself for the last moments of his life.

 

So sorry for you loss. It is always so difficult for the people around the person who is ill. But please, don't be so hard on yourself. As from what I read, you have done everything you could for your dad, and more. Please remember the quality time you had with him, your nightly talks with him and that he confided in you. Even being a nurse, you don't have everything in hand, the way it goes.

My 61 year old husband was diagnosed with this cancer last May. We know we have a limited time left. We are trying to look at the good things in life; the things we had, our wonderful sons, every day he is feeling well we cherish.

I respect you very much for what you did. The deepest pain will pass and then the good memories will stay. I wish you and your family all the strength.

Iris.

I am so sorry for your loss.  You should not be faulting yourself in any way for any deficiencies you think there were in your dad's last hours.  He was home, with you, being cared for by one he loved   surrounded by the people he loved.  He got to spend the last days and weeks of his life talking about things that were important to him.  That is a wonderful thing to have done for him, and you should stop second-guessing yourself.  The end is seldom pretty, and however much you love someone, you really can't make it so.  

 My sister, 53, died of colon cancer a year ago, and I try to take comfort in the fact that we were able to keep her home, and see her out with love.  But believe me, it wasn't pretty.  

 Please be easier on yourself.