On 9/29/2007
Baptist wrote:
Brenda,
My husband has stage 4 lung ca with mets to his bones and has had 6 chemo treatments with 3 more to go before another scan to see if it is helping. In 3 months he has lost 70lbs. and hardly get out of bed because he is too tired and sick most of the time. I work full time and take call 20 hrs a week, am a respite care giver for my 6yr old grandson for 17hrs per week and hand write for my old job when they have extra work. Yes, I am very tired and just weary with stress but being so lonely is the worst. My husband has become almost a stranger that I take care of and it breaks my heart everyday. Because of his suffering, I am ready for it to be over and I know that sounds horrible. I feel guilty just writing it but it is true and I could only post this on this site because I know there are others out there that feel the same. We need to support each other. Until this disease claims someone in your family no one understands the horror. That is why I feel so comfortable writing how I feel on this site. We all have our guilt so know that you are not alone. Take care. Margaret
Margaret, I totally understand everything you wrote. I lost my Mom five weeks ago after being her cancer caregiver for over 6 years. At the end, it was so hard, tragic really. But, I do feel better now that her pain and this ordeal is over. I also feel horrible writing that. I feel like I should be begging God for 'one more day' with her. But, the truth is, I now have time in my life that's been missing for years. With no more Dr. appts, and everything else that comes with caring for a dying loved one, I now can do some things I haven't done in years. Sounds selfish, I know. My Mom had two wishes thru her whole cancer journey. One, that she would 'go fast' and two, that she would 'feel no pain'. Thankfully, the Lord provided those two things for her. Once she started to die, she was gone in four days. That was truly a gift. Please be good to yourself, as much as is humanly possible. Tell your loved one that you love him, every single time you can. And, remember that ALL feelings are ok right now, so please do not feel guilty. You have many others out here who understand and care.