My Mom Passed Away 3 Weeks Ago

My mom passed away on 8/17 and my dad has been having such a difficult time.  My parents were married  for 41 years.  My mom was sick for about a year and my dad too such wonderful care of her.  I was there on the weekends but it was only the week she passed that I was there 24/7.  I was exhausted, emotionally and physically.  I don't know how he did it all that time.  I'm so grateful for having such a wonderful dad. 

 He talks very openly with me and I'm so grateful for that.  The problem is that because he has a difficult time being alone at home he tries to stay out until it's late and time to go to bed.  He isn't seeking someone to date but he has met women and I'm feeling very insecure but I don't want him to know because then he won't feel comfortable about being open with me.  I don't know if I'll ever be ready to accept another woman in my dad's life.  We were an extremely close family.  I don't know what is normal and I think it would help me if other people shared their experiences who have been in similar situations. 

I haven't been in your situation but I am a nurse and i do see this happen alot. At first, they are just seeking someone or something full of life so they don't have to deal with the death. He isn't doing it to forget your mom, I'm sure you know that will never happen, nad from what I see it begins to change back after awhile and they want to be home again. My heart goes out to you and I hope everything turns out okay. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

I am very sorry for your loss.  A daughter and Mom have a special bond that cannot be broken, even when she is gone you willl feel her with you often.

As for your Dad, he needs time.  He has had his soulmate and love for 41 years, you cannot expect that losing her will be easy for him to get over.  But he WILL.  And when he does how wonderful to think that he could find love again! 

I think that you need to be accepting that if he does find someone special she will hopefully have something to offer you...  not as a replacement to your Mom but as someone that can benefit from your Dad's caring nature and admiration and perhaps offer you friendship and guidance when you need it.  Surely he still has more to give, he may find someone to share the rest of his life with but she will never take the special place in his heart that your Mom has always shared.  

The incredible thing about love is just how much of it there is to give!  We caregivers sometimes get so caught up in our spouses illness and the constant appointments and other matters that we forget how to live when they are gone.  

Your parents may have discussed this.  I have talked to my husband and told him that I would feel sadder to know that he did not open his heart up to someone that could give him the love I wished him to have and love my children as much as she loves him. (Of course I told him she cannot be prettier than me).  There is so much for your Dad out there in the world.  In time he will be ready to start.

In time, if he does find someone special, get to know her.  She will be a companion to your Dad and, I deeply hope, a true friend to you. 

To have a love that lasted 41 years is incredible... to think that he could find love again.. well, that is wonderous!

L.

I know what you are going through.  The same thing has happened to me.  My parents were married for 34 years.  My mom passed away 2 1/2 months ago.  My dad would be out of the house most of the time.  I guess being in the house reminds him alot of my mom.  he would cry often.  He does go out with other woman which bothered me and would also come back home late.  I felt like my mom meant nothing to him.  My dad was used to having my mom around and he loved her so much.  I know deep down he loves my mom still.  I still can't believe that my mom is gone.  just wished it was a nightmare.