Really Need Your Help For Difficult Issue.

Hi, I have written on several boards before about a variety of issues. 

One issue that I haven't addressed is the following:

My mother is currently going through stage 4 colon cancer, has been through 4-5 lines of chemo and currently we are at a halt.  We are trying to research different options. The issue is:  my father...he is ill himself with a neurological impairment and gets very irritated and irrational with paranoia, yells and screams alot for no apparent reason.  My mother, who should be getting emotional support from him is on pins and needles...she tries to ignore his outbursts, but it is hard for anyone, especially for her.  He has been a difficult person always, but his disease is exaggerating the negative aspects of his personality.  I have spoken to my mother about him seeing a psychiatrist and possibly medicating him to improve his mood (I don't think that his agitation is very healthy for him as well)...she keeps saying she will do it....How can we address this issue with what is good and healthy for both parents?  She has struggled so much and I want this time to be more emotionally and psychologically easier for her...she is one of those people who always do for others and keeps things internally...I want her to have some quality to her life with a partner who empathizes with her and shows love and support to her in these difficult times. Thank you for any suggestions.  Elaina

My heart goes out to you and your family...

Is your father undergoing any treatment whatsoever for his condition? It sounds like he needs to see a neurologist, perhaps a family doctor can refer him. Is your father AWARE of his outbursts, personality issues, etc? Can you possibly document (i.e. videotape) these episodes and show them to him?

My ex-husband was diagnosed with delusional disorder Type II (reality-based delusions), which makes it IMPOSSIBLE for him to trust anyone, including loved ones. Unfortunately, such conditions exist and make it difficult for the family,

Your mother needs to be protected from such stress in order to heal. Your father needs to receive medical treatment, possibly in-patient, as well as unconditional love and support. Don't forget yourself.  You all need emotional support. I recommend you and your mother read the book : Love, Medicine, and Miracles by Bernie Seigel.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need someone to talk to.

God Bless,

~Leslie