Watching My Mom Starve To Death

My mom died from esophageal cancer. She was diagnosed in Dec. 2006. Had very little opportunity to eat after that. She had a feeding tube placed in March 2007. Went through 6 weeks of hell with cheomoradiation. Had her esophagus dialted 5 times to help eating. Developed a fistula and had  a stent placement but continued to cough violently for the next week. Went to the ER one week after the placement due to pain. Found a new fitsula lower then the tumor. Keep in mind, thoughout this whole time, my mom had occasion to believe that her tumor had been killed... didn't happen... it grew bigger. Then in the hospital, the doctors told us that the only thing keeping her alive was the feeding tube and it would be best to stop feeding her.  We thought it was the right thing to do. She died 8 days later... having no water or food during that time. She knew she was being starved to death, although I don't think she felt pain due to the morphine. She was coherrant most of the time and felt that maybe she would be better if she had something to eat or drink, maybs she should walk around or try to get better. Basically, she wanted to live.  So the last night, she could hardly get her breath. In the morning, I went in around 4:30 am and she woke up and asked for oxygen.  That was the last thing she said. Her toungue was so swollen from dehydration, it was hard to see her like that. She died that day at around 6:30 PM. I know she is not suffering now, but it's hard to go through that even with hospice. I miss her.

You are so right it is very hard watching your mother die. My mom passed away April 30, 2007.  We had hospice for the last 3 weeks she was alive. She had unknown primary cancer that had spread to her liver. She had a large inoperable mass which had blocked off her intestines as well. She fought her battle for 4 years and did so with such courage. The last month she was alive she wasn't allowed to have any foods only liquids because of the blockages in the intestines. It was very hard having her ask for food and not being able to give it to her. She basically starved as well. She was coherent the entire time. She didn't speak to us at all the last 2 days she was alive. Her battle ended at 5:20 p.m. April 30, 2007. I miss her so much. We were very close and did everything together. My daddy is barely holding on at this point. This disease is so horrible and takes away our dearest loved ones. My mom also truly believed she would get better and tried so hard to do so. The cancer was just too strong but it never broke her spirit. I wish I had her for just one second to hold but I try to look to the woman she was and draw some strength from that. We have always been a very spiritual family and had alot of faith in God. I still do. I just find these dasy my faith is very weak. I wanted so bad to have my mom until she was a little old lady. She just turned 56 on April 3rd.  My heart goes out to you. My prayers are with you.

I am really glad I found this board, I posted something about this in the Nutrition section.  My mom is in stage IV of abnocarcinoma of unknown origin.  She has begun to vomit and is not able to even hold down water most times, so getting nausea medication in her system is very hit or miss.  

She is very alert and is aware that she's not eating and when she can eat, is not eating enough to sustain her and make her strong again.  She gets so angry with me a lot because I've always "fixed" things for her and made things in her life easier and this I can't fix.  I have tried clear liquids, baby food, bland foods, you name it and it all comes back up.  She's been in and out of the hospital so many times that she's refusing to go back but she's refusing to give in as well.  I don't know where to go with all of this because I feel as if I'm watching her starve to death and the harder part is watching her KNOW it..........ty both for sharing your stories. 

 

On 2/6/2008 Hanginwithstang wrote:

I am really glad I found this board, I posted something about this in the Nutrition section.  My mom is in stage IV of abnocarcinoma of unknown origin.  She has begun to vomit and is not able to even hold down water most times, so getting nausea medication in her system is very hit or miss.  

She is very alert and is aware that she's not eating and when she can eat, is not eating enough to sustain her and make her strong again.  She gets so angry with me a lot because I've always "fixed" things for her and made things in her life easier and this I can't fix.  I have tried clear liquids, baby food, bland foods, you name it and it all comes back up.  She's been in and out of the hospital so many times that she's refusing to go back but she's refusing to give in as well.  I don't know where to go with all of this because I feel as if I'm watching her starve to death and the harder part is watching her KNOW it..........ty both for sharing your stories. 

I got some very useful info from hospice that tells you all about the physical and emotional stages of death. One sign of the end nearing is detatchment from family members and close friends. Your mom is not consiously pushing you away but rather preparing herself and you for the transition into the spiritual world. Think of this as a loving action and not hateful. She has to "let go" in a sense and it is completely normal for her to seem alomst angry with you and eventually not speak or show much emotion at all. Just continue to love her and tell her what she means to you.

You might want to talk to your docs about reglan. It dissolves under the tongue and is great at controlling nausea.

I don't mean to sounds as though your mom is dying, just keep this perspective in mind when she gets mad at you. It gives me a lot of comfort and understanding as to what my dad is feeling.