My Father In Stage Iv

Hello,

I just wondered if anyone out there has a parent going through this can help me cope? My father had his kidney removed last summer (06) and was told the cancer was contained. On October 1, 2007 he went in for a follow up ct because they had found a spot on his lung in June of 2007, and found the cancer had spread to his rib cage, left hip, and two spots on his spine. Basically we were told he has just months to live. My father is only 58 years old and I have two kids that he won't get to see grow up. I'm sorry if my grammar is incorrect in anyway--I"m a mess!! I"m trying to hold it together for my kids and my mom, and my husband. I just don't know how to act or what to do. Anyone else going through this?

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through.  I lost my father three years ago to lung cancer and I still can't believe it.  He died within nine months of diagnosis and was in excellent shape up until that time.  The only thing I can say is to take one day at a time.  Enjoy the time that you have with him.  There is no "right" thing to say except to tell him what a good father he is.  He will be concerned about you and all other loved ones.  When he starts to fail, please call in hospice.  Ask for the pamphlet "Gone From My Sight."  Make sure he has palliative care and everything he needs to make him comfortable and pain free.  Remember that when he gets to the point where he's very tired and sleeps a lot, and you don't think he can hear, he CAN hear.  Hearing is the last sense that the patient loses.  I know that what I am telling you is not easy to take in, but I hope that it helps.  No one can actually give you a time frame.  Just know that you will do your best and that will be enough.  Take care of yourself.  He will need to know that you and all of his loved ones willl be okay and that he is leaving a legacy behind.  He will live on in you.  Nothing and no one can take your good memories from you.

Strength, courage and peace to you.  And many blessings.

Donna

Hi,

   I lost my father last year to cancer. This is hard to bear still - nothing and no one can replace a father or even come close. Only thing I can say is keep him happy and pain-free, and spend as much time with him as you can doing happy things. Perhaps he enjoys a card game, or a board game....or would like to read your children a book. As long as the kids are not too jumpy around him, let them spend time with him (would be a good change for him too).

Get some support for yourself  - its ok to cry once in a while. Don't think you have to hold it all in for the sake of your husband and mom. You are human too. I hope for your sake that your father defeats the disease and proves all doctors wrong. Take care, and hang in there.

 Priya.

Hi Jode,

My father has stage IV too.  On the day I was told he had months to live, the dr. told me I'd be losing my mom soon as well.  When you wrote "I'm a mess" it also describes my life right now.  Trying to keep everyone calm--mom, dad, three kids and husband, not to mention adult two brothers.

I think we just keeping trying to make them comfortable, as pain free as we can and for me--keep praying for the best.  I've been spending as much time as I can with them.  Conversations have been good.  That helps.

On a daily basis, I feel the same as you do.  Not quite knowing how to act or what to say anymore.  Perhaps that has to do with the sleep deprivation.

You are not the only one going through this and you are not alone.

Hang in there,  Cheryl

Donna,

Thank You soo much for your advice and your kind words. I haven't been on this site obviously in a while so I apologize for not responding sooner. Well my father was on Sutent but now tumors in his lungs have grown and they found more nodules in his lungs so they had to take him off the Sutent. Now he is going to start an experimental chemotherapy. We have been taking day by day and we are definately enjoying him.

Again thank you soo much for your words and advice!!

I'm sorry to everyone about not posting since October!! Thank You to everyone with the nice words and my sympathy for everyone going through cancer or any serious illness with a loved one. I guess the only good thing that comes from something so awful is that you really do learn to appreciate the loved ones in your life.

I have just finally accpeted that these were the cards dealt and I just have to enjoy my father while I have him and I plan on doing that. Although I was reading some messages about being sleep deprived and boy I can relate to that one. One day I found myself putting my purse in my refrigerator!!

I guess we all have to just hang in there and take it day by day as hard as that may be sometimes!! Thanks Again !!!