Stage 3 Breast Cancer - I'm Scared

I am in remission from stage 3 breast cancer, lymph node cancer and unproven but speculated lung cancer.  I'm thankful for the remission, but the side effects never let me forget the cancer.  I have arthritis from the Tamoxifen, no veins from chemo, my hearing and vision keep slowly changing, I have lympedema, and I struggle with fatigue.  I feel like two people - one person who is so thankful to be in remission, to have family, to be on permanent disability to deal with my side effects, and so on; and another person who never loses the thought of cancer because of the side effects.  Also, Doctors tend to treat me as if they expect a return of the cancer (mine was very aggresive) and that makes it hard to let go too.  I admit I'm feeling a lot of fear right now and my usual "jump in to denial" tactics aren't working.  How does a person let go of the fear?

I feel so much the same way.  I was diagnosed with Inflammatory bc.  The prognosis is not good.  I believe I am NED right now.  I just had my three year anniversary.

 I am just comming to the conclusion that Aromasin is really effecting me.  I can't go on as I am.  I am exhausted. 

I was diagnosed as stage 3C in February of '05 also advanced with a high probability of reoccurance but am holding on to remission.

I hate to say it but the fear will be with us for as long as we're in remission. Every little ache, pain, out of sorts feeling either real or imagined will be a reminder that we've delt with this monster before and it might be hiding around the next bend in the path.

One way to look at the fear is that as long as it's only a fear, we're still okay. As long as the monster doesn't jump out and grab us again, we're okay. As long as we can have days, hours, minutes of wonderful life, forgetting the fear, we're fine.

The fear is not as strong in occupying my thoughts as it was a few months ago, and much less than a year ago, so it's easier to forget for a little while. It's never gone and probably never will be but as long as I can say it's just a fear and my tests keep coming in okay, I'll keep moving forward. You can do the same.