My husband had melanoma on his forearm last year. He was sent to a dermatoligist, it was removed and biopsied. The doctor had bandaged the area where the spot was removed.
I remember that it seemed like it took for ever for it to heal. My husband told me at the time that it was fine, that there was no further treatment needed. I asked him a few more times over a period of time, but he said everything was fine. Over the summer he has been very withdrawln, not sleeping and having temper out burst. Looking back I do remember that as early as Febuary 07 he had bouts of vomiting, white/pale look to his skin, and just not feeling well. This happened on a few occassions over the past 6 months. Just recently we have been arguing about every little thing because of his un-called for and un-explained temper outburst. A few weeks ago, while in one of his rages, (I was accusing him of using drugs, he has been recovered for 19 years) The sympotoms of being sick, not sleeping, stress, and anger outburst, I had summed it up to him having relapsed. Anyway, he told me that yes he did relapase a few times over the summer, but that is the least of the problems, that I'm going to be so embarrased when I know the truth. He then continues to tell me he won't tell me what is really wrong, because I never listen, I don't love him, or I don't care about him. Such hurtful things, but I'm thinking it is because of drugs. But now the other night, he went into the worst rage I have ever seen him have, he said that I better not mess with the life insurance, that it better be in place, and that i would be fine for a few years...He said that when he was ready he would tell our two daughter, his parents, and sister what was going on, but that he wasn't going to tell me.
i looked him in the eyes and asked him if he was sick, and he just gave me a stone cold stare down. I could tell that he was struggling to tell me something, but then he backed down and yelled at me, telling me NO he wasn't telling me anything.
He just had all this anger, which I understand some of it because we have had problems in our marriage, but he just raged and raged for over an hour that I had to call the police to calm him down and to assist him leaving the house for a while that evening.
Later that night, he came home. I went to him and told him how much I loved him. He apologized to me for the names he called me, and that he loved me too. We are on better terms now. But the past few days I have been thinking and thinking what could be wrong with him. My friend mentioned to me that really the only thing that he could seriously be dying from would be something like melanoma, and I just felt a chill down my spine, I told her YES he had melanoma spot on his arm last year. Her and I discussed the seriousness of melanoma if it spreads, and last night I did some research on the internet.
This morning, he woke up and started raging because there were no "poptarts" left.
I then asked him what was wrong, that getting this rageful over poptarts was uncalled for, that something else is wrong. I then asked him if the Melanomia had returned, he just yelled at me, saying that I didn't know what the hell I was talking about, and slammed out the door. He came back a while later, I went to him, took his hand and said that I loved him, that I wanted to be there for him, and that I understood that there was no "right" way to deal with this or talk about it. And he just said Yeah your right, and did not give me any further information!
I'm so sick with worry. I don't know what to do. I understand that he must be so scared, angry and hurting if in fact this is what is wrong. I just can't imagine what else it would be. The past 5 months he has been working non-stop, not sleeping and extremely withdrawn emotionally from me and his family. I guess what I'm looking for is some help on how to approach him. Looking back at when he first was diagnosed with this spot on his arm as Melanoma, it just seemed that it was taken so lightly. He never mentioned that he had to do any follow up treatment, just that it was removed, biopsy was done and I was told that it was all taken out. He never talked to me again about it!
Is that really the course of treatment?? If a person has a spot removed, and it is melanoma, isn't there some type of treatment that has to be done, follow up of some kind?
I'm so scared, I know deep down something is truly wrong and he is fighting it. I love him, we have two teenage daughters, how does a family even begin to talk about it??????
Thank you to anyone who reads my long email!
Mary