My Mom Has Jaundice

My dear sweet mom was diagnosised on May 30 of this year with stage 4 gallbladder cancer.  They can not operate because the tumor on the liver is the size of a grapefruit and is making it impossible to operate.  MD Anderson gave her 6-8 months..more if we did chemo.  She did the chemo for a while but now throws up constantly and is too weak to do any more chemo.  Yesterday the doctor in Nacogodoches told her that she has jaundice and there is nothing else to do for her.  He is calling MD Anderson today.  They are talking about a tube to drain the stuff that is making her throw up.  She is so weak now she doesn't even try to make it to the restroom..just throws up all over herself.

Can someone out there help me?  I feel so helpless.  I have tried to get Dad to ask for hospice but he says he can handle this.  She is 67, he is 68.  They have been married 51 years.  Is there something natural to help relieve the nausea?  Is there some supplement to help with the jaundice?  She has given up.  Does anyone know once the liver stops how long she has?  Also, how do you let them go?   I don't want to see her continue in the aweful life of throwing up and in pain, but I don't want her to leave.

Thanks, Eileen

Eileen - I am so sorry to hear about your mom.  My dad was diagnosed in Dec. 2006.  He was eligible for resection, had it with clean margins in March 2007 but by July was declining with a recurrance.  Sloan in NYC said could do nothing so we went to a local surgeon who suggested we get my dad to the VA.  He was admitted and they put in 2 external drainage bags to releive the jaundice (done by an interventional radiologist).  Stents may be another option (done by a GI dr).  He was ok for a while and then couldn't eat or drink.  They were able to pump his stomach and do an ERCP (GI dr) to find a blockage at the connection of the stomach/intestine.  They inserted a stomach drain (I believe the IR did my dad's) - which allowed all of the fluids to be released and they then put him on a feeding tube - went through his nose to his intestine by I would think a J-tube to the intestine may be better.  My dad would have passed on in July had it not been for all of these efforts.  He is now in hospice care and has slipped into a coma and we are no longer feeding, etc.  We have told him that it is now ok to let go.  He has lost over 80 lbs due to this terrible disease.  Never had been in the hospital a day in his life prior to the gall bladder removal that discovered this.  There are things that can be done to lengthen time and to provide palliative care for your mother.  Get 1, 2, 3 or even 4 dr opinions.  Every dr is different.  Main thing is to do what your mom wants.  Hope that helps.  Prayers are with you.

On 10/31/2007 cpaeileen wrote:

My dear sweet mom was diagnosised on May 30 of this year with stage 4 gallbladder cancer.  They can not operate because the tumor on the liver is the size of a grapefruit and is making it impossible to operate.  MD Anderson gave her 6-8 months..more if we did chemo.  She did the chemo for a while but now throws up constantly and is too weak to do any more chemo.  Yesterday the doctor in Nacogodoches told her that she has jaundice and there is nothing else to do for her.  He is calling MD Anderson today.  They are talking about a tube to drain the stuff that is making her throw up.  She is so weak now she doesn't even try to make it to the restroom..just throws up all over herself.

Can someone out there help me?  I feel so helpless.  I have tried to get Dad to ask for hospice but he says he can handle this.  She is 67, he is 68.  They have been married 51 years.  Is there something natural to help relieve the nausea?  Is there some supplement to help with the jaundice?  She has given up.  Does anyone know once the liver stops how long she has?  Also, how do you let them go?   I don't want to see her continue in the aweful life of throwing up and in pain, but I don't want her to leave.

Thanks, Eileen

 

I am so sorry for your suffering.  My mom died almost 2 months ago from a 2 year struggle with pancreatic cancer.  She was at hospice in the end and they really are a wonderful organization.  I think her being there gave my dad some rest and therefore  energy; and the  setting to be with her in her final days in a more emotional spiritual way since he did not have to tend to the medical part. 

We prepared for 2 years for her eventual death and although at first I had found peace in the end to her suffering and how peacefully she died,  I now struggle with deeply missing her.  It is still surreal.  We were very close and my parents were also married 51 years.   I think it was important that we gave her permission to be done.  It is hard and there is no way to prepare really.  My faith is what keeps me going.  My parents are 10 years older than yours so in  a way my dad is more frail...in that physically it is difficult for him to try and stay busy to help ease the pain if loss.  He  (and we) are just very sad about our loss.  I pray for you.  It is painful and it is difficult to go from trying so hard to keep someone alive to switch to letting them die.     I would say she needs your dad from more of an emotional (saying goodbye, calming her fear) than he needs her physical care BUT he needs to have peace with whatever decisions he makes so that he can have peace after she is gone.  regret can eat at a person.

All my best to you and your dad

 

Thank you so much.  I talked to Dr in Nacogdoches and he said there was no reason to go to MD that she was going to die within the next 3 months and there was nothing we could do to change that.  I called my Dad to tell him and he cried.  He has had a hard time giving up.  I told him I had asked for hospice from the doctor and explained it to him.  I am taking off work tomorrow to go see them and try and spend some time talking to my Dad.

Thanks again for your response.  I have some peace knowing there is nothing else we can do.  I know that sounds funny but she wanted to stop fighting and now I can agree with her.  I know it will be horrible when she is gone, especially for my Dad.

My parents and I are strong Christians, so there is some strength in knowing our Father is in control.  Thanks for your prayers...

Sorry about your Dad.  We have been told we have about 3 months, so we are just going to try and enjoy that time and have stopped all treatments.  We are putting it in God's hands...thanks for your sweet words..Eileen

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. My mum had cancer in the stomach which went to her liver. They gave her chemo but the growth only got bigger and that was in October last year. She went yellow in January this year and I hate to say I couldn't cope with looking at her so ill. So they suggested a hospice and I was dead againts this but i am sorry to say it was the best thing i done for her they look after her so much better than a hospital and in the time she had left which we didn't know at that time she had the most peacefully time. I was like your dad didn't want anything like that and she wasn't so sure herself but she did settle and had everything she wanted. In February this year she passed away with liver and stomach cancer but i can say they done everything for her and no pain just rest and peaceful which I wanted for her. And also i could stay day and night every day which made my mum feel stafe. So hopefully there will be some rest for your mum and you and your dad as well I do know what you are going through, and if you need someone to talk to you can always email me. I wish you all the best.

For the past 6 months I have been going through the same exact thing you are, only my mom is not married and I have no siblings and have been trying everything humanly possible for her. She was diagnosed in May after virtually no symptoms. She did become jaunadiced due to a tumor in her Bile Duct which is not allowing her Liver to drain to her intestines, but they did put in an external stent with a drainage bag and that has helped a lot. she does not eat much and does throw up form the cancer but a mediction called EMEND from Merck has helped. She takes that along with Zofran and can atleast get soup down. Last week they were able to internalize the drainage so that she does not have a bag any longer and she has been doing better. They think the tumors have shrunken some. Although they only gave her 3-6 months she is still here. She lost 50 lbs so far but is hanging on and I just keep hoping the Gemzar is helping enough that she can resume some quality of life. She is only 62 and I am not rady to let her go, she is not ready to leave her grandchildren! Hang in there!

Sorry for what you are going through.  We have stopped all treatment and called in Hospice.  It is a really wonderful organization and I encourage you to do that when they have stopped chemo.  Hang in there.  God Bless, Eileen