Well now I'm confused for the last week I've had full intention of going thru the Cyberknife Program , it's designed for inoperable cancer paitents , ones that have no other options , I was diagnosed over a year ago and when I was diagnosed they told me I was in the final stages of having cancer , so I started off with radiation, I made it to my 7th week of radiation when it all broke loose , I was unable to eat , swallowing was torture, my ears felt like someone was hitting me upside the head with a hammer , but I kept going thru the radiation until that 7th week monday thru friday once a daythey realized that I wasnt doing good and sent me to the hospital for a feeding tube to be put in , the dr cut the tube too short and it fell out , they had to rush me to the operating room and put in a new tube....i was put into a coma and stayed that way for 2 weeks, during that time they had been giving me iv food, and drugs , they also put in a peg tube for chemo..which i was dead set against. I finally was able to sign myself out of the hospital and pick up hospice. when I was released from the hospital i weighed 70 pounds hospice gave me 3 weeks to live that was a year ago.
Recently my cancer came back and hospice allowed me 10 rounds of radiation starting off at 200 on my first visit my last treatment was 3500 ... by then i was lossing weight and pretty much unstable again. I was again given a few months to live ,,,, that was about 6 months ago. hospice stuck by me while i went through all of that , Now hospice is saying that Im dying and only have a couple of months to live, I weighed around 80 pounds then, now I weigh 94 pounds which isnt a lot but I'm gaining weight . A few nights ago my youngest son Dustin and me were watching tv and a commercial came on about CYBERKNIFE my son pulled it up on the computer and we watched the video it sounded perfect f or me , I emailed them and they told me I sounded like a perfect canidate for the Cyberknife...hospice is saying that its too invasive for them to ok, and they will have to drop me if I decide to do that , my whole thing is that I'm a single mom of 5 boys and 1 girl everyone is grown exce4pt for Dustin hes 13 his father is a full blown junkie and has never done anything for Dustin , hes 70 grand behind in child support doesnt try and have a relationship with my son...when he found out that I was as sick as I am he came over here with a bag of heroin telling me that it would make me feel better...I've been drug free for over 20 years so i flipped out on him...threw him out of my house ... but he had gotten into my safe where all of my meds were at ..he stole my liquid morphine and my kadian , clonipins, and something else. hospice was ripping but by then we had already told andrew he was out of here just for the heroin ,,,but to top it off he stole drugs that i needed ,, ok now Im considering doing the Cyberknife and hospice tells me if i do decide to go that way then they will have to drop me while I do the cyber knife ..both cant get paid its either hospice or cyberknife. I'm now not sure which i should do I cant find out what any of the side affects are from the cyber knife , and then hospice told me of a patient that they have that chose the cyberknife and now she can't talk, but she had a brain tumor and results vary from paitent to paitent...so I need some help deciding which way I should go..cyberknife cost 15grand per treatment , hospice is 135. per week ...i need 4 or 5 treatments from cyberknife that would about knock the socks off of medicaid and Im not sure if the side affects are like that for everyone..has anyone here tried cyberknife and if you did how was the treatment? plus if you were in my shoes and most of us are about the same here would you take the chance with the cyberknife>?? i can pick hospice back up after the last treatment so they arent gone forever just while im doing this ...so i need some help deciding on what to do... would you take the risk of the cyberknife ?? im terminal anyhow i just wouldnt want to aggravate my cancer so that it decides that itts going to rear its ugly little head again...Im a born again Christian and I do believe that God makes those decisions on when someones time has come , I think that I need some form of a sign from Him to let me know which way I should go with this...but any insight into this would be greatly appreciated ... by the way Ive gau\ined back up to 94 pounds now I can eat some things but I make these shakes with Boost icecream and carnation instant breakfast I drink those 3 times a day and if that doesnt put weight on me I have no idea left as to what would put weight on my skinny butt..I'm great at giving advice and I try very hard to help anyone i can,, Ive replied to a couple of the messages posted on here even though im new here Ive been dealing with sicknessess a long time i also have systemic lupus to top the whole thing off....so any and all advice would be greatly appreciated ..
God Bless all of You
Cathy & Dustin