I just need to vent (Sorry)

Hi everyone, I was told on 10/31/07 yep Halloween that I have adenocarcinoma in situ encapulated and I now wait for a hysterectomy. I do not have insurance and slowly falling through the cracks I think since I was suppose to be called last Thurs by an oncologist but he did not call and now I have to wait till Monday. I am so scared and lonely and everyone just keeps telling me to be positive and I will be ok well I am no ok and this is not ok and I should be able to cry and yell and throw things and have support and I don't. My husband actually started a fight with me because I said I wanted to buy a new night gown and some slippers for the hospital and he said why don't I just wear the stuff they provide and I don't want too, I want to have my own personal stuff is that so wrong? His mom agrees with him. He is not being supportive he is being selfish and stupid but no one else sees it except my 16 year old son. I am so scared and all I do is break down and when I do everyone gets mad at me. The people I thought I could count on are not there my husband actually called me the "C" word last night because he had to come and get me because my suppose to be friend got mad at me because she tried to take me out and get my mind off things yet a couple of times I broke down and she got mad at me because after all she did take me out and I am suppose to forget my recent diagnosis and eat jelly beans and swing from the light fixture right? I was not having a bad time I just had some emotional moments. I did not deserve that but everyone is treating me like this except my kids. I have no one to cry with or talk to. My husband is actually mad at me because he had to wake up and come and get me (his wife) that needed him??? I'm a fool. My mother in law asked if I was supporting him? WHAT? I just want to get my surgery and get on with my life I have decided that I need all the things keeping me down out of my life and so my new goal is to get well finish school and move on. Thanks for reading this I need it;)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are completely entitled to be scared, sad, angry, etc. Don't let people tell you otherwise. Your husband and mother-in-law are being selfish and verbally abusive in this situation. Do not apologize for what you are feeling. Take one day at a time. Embrace the love of your children. Visit the board for support. Gravitate as much as you can to positive things, and stay away from those that are toxic. Blessings to you and good luck.

keep away from those jelly beans! sugar is BAD for you! you need a lot of support, get some better friends, get the md to talk to your hubby!

If you want to heal, you need to remove the negatives from your life NOW! Stay with your family or friends, just get out of that house! Read Louise Hay, one of the reasons for having a cancer in that area in the first place is because of a blow to the feminine ego. Sounds like your husband is not good for you. And if he or his mother is not there for you now when you most need it, can you really believe that he loves you? I'm sorry but after reading many books on cancer, I know that healing is affected by negatives such as this in your life. Read Dr. Bernie Siegel, in one of his books he tells of people who left their spouses and went on to live!

Leave this guy id you ever want to beat this. He is as bad as cancer it seems. You deserve better

Thanks everyone,

I just need to get through this, my appointment with the oncologist is the 20th and then I will know my plan of treatment which I am 99% positive it is a hysterectomy and then I can get back on my feet and leave.  My brother says I can come and stay with them in fact they want me to come now but I don't want to have to start this all over with the medical I do not have insurance and this has been a  process but I finally got emergency medicaid  and now just have to meet with the oncologist.  Its is funny I don't blame my husband for having cancer but it is his fault I was unable to see a doctor for so long he left his job and took another with no insurace although he told me that we would have insurance (it is going on 1 1/2 years no insurance) I only just got here in June 07 we were separated for almost a year and I should have left then. I need to get my life back. I need to be happy, I am so not happy life is too short to be unhappy!!!! Thanks again everyone.

Hang in there girl!!!!!  I know the feeling of being scared about the hysterectomy.  It is the uncertain things that stick in your head and you worry about.  Everyone can tell you it will be all right and I hope that it is but in your head those things will drive you nuts.  If your husband doesn't support you now get rid of him.  After you have your surgery you will need people around you that care for you and love you not someone that doesn't even care.  I will also mention that sometimes female problems tend to make us blow things out of proportion.  I told my husband the night before my surgery that I wanted a divorce and don't even come to the hospital with me because he wasn't welcome.  You know what he did wrong?  He asked me what time I had to be at the hospital the next morning and what time we should get up.  Of course he did go and was there holding my hand when I woke up.  It is a good thing he knew that I was just upset.

I have to have a hysterectomy next month to eliminate Carcinoma in situ from coming back due to HPV. I was having issues at home too, nothing like you are dealing with. But after I wrote my husband a long email, he hadn't realized how he was acting and changed immediately. He said he was acting like an ass, because he was afraid of losing me to Cancer. If you can, write to your husband, mom-in-law and unsupportive friends and tell them what you need, not what they think you need. It helped me, I hope it helps you. Even if it jsut helps to get in on paper. Keep your chin up, and go out an buy that night gown and slippers...don't ask his permission. you deserve to do something for you right now. And we are all here for you.

 Your sister in health!! Fight for life, no one will do it for you!!!