Holla At Me If You Feel Me!!!!

 Peace :

      My mom is really  loosing control. She can't even put her plate in the sink anymore. Her judgement is off and it's starting to scare the hell out of me. I am her primary caregiver & I am starting to get a concept of what caregiving actual means. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. It is  hard to watch someone who took care of me for so many years suddenly need me to care for her. I am watching my mother die right before my very eyes. She is not eating to much. I can't help but to monitor her, what she eats, how & when she moves her bowels, her lose of bladder control, her confusion when it's time to make a decision, and all the sleeping that she does. She is constantly cold. I tell her everyday not to use the oven for heat. With all that sh.. going on, she still found the stregnth to mop today. lol. Simply amazing. She won't go to the doctor but, she will go to church in a heartbeat. Don't even ask her to go get chemo unless you want her to curse you out. Lately she has been going to different churches at least four days out of the week looking for a miracle. She use to do that with my handicap brother when we were children. She thought that maybe one day a preacher would touch him & he would be able to talk and comprehend sh..!! He is 37 now & does not understand that mom is sick. I have to watch over him as well. My uncle is going to turn 60 years old on thanksgiving day & he is feeling the pain. He is finally going to church with her  after drinking for almost all his life. I never saw him so angry until he stop drinking. I wish he would go have a drink if that's what would make him happy again. How can you go to church and come out not talking and anger at the world? He consantly screams in the middle  of the night while he is  asleep. I am the only one here who can read & write & I have watch over all three of them. My uncle keeps complaining of pain in his left arm & chest. He will not go to the doctor either. I don't know but it sounds like a heart attack or stroke soon to me. He still has this crazy diet of  "burnt leftover white rice that has been sitting out all night" with a can of sardines for breakfast . Mom is still eating cheesedoodles, salty ritz crackers and drinking coke. The funny thing is that I can't imagine life without them. With all this stress, I might be the first to go. I feel like I am about to loose my sanity!!  Maybe I already lost it. My mother has always been there to forgive us and pick us up back on our feet when ever we fell in life. The day after my divorce was final, my mother was diagnosed with stage IV inoperable stomach cancer 10/30/2006. She was given a two year prognosis on holloween of 2006. The scariest holloween of my life. That day will never be the same ever again!! One year later I find myself on the internet in the middle of the night looking for cures until I fall asleep on the keyboard with the lights & tv on.  If anybody out there can relate to this real sh.., get at me asap. Sorry to air it out on yall but, I am depressed!!  The doctor said that my mother has a two year prognosis with chemo for one week out of every month. She has had chemo about five times. She doesn't want any more & to tell you the truth, I don't blame her. The last time she had a ct scan & mri done, they found the cancer has matastasized to her liver and more lymph nodes. How long must we go on like this? When will this pain end?

Wow - that was alot to digest. I feel your pain though. Watching a loved one wither away in front of your eyes is painful.

I wish your mother the best of luck. Is radiation an option for her?

My heart goes out to you. My Mom has lung cancer (NOT a smoker, never touched a cigarette in her life) The sad thing is that when you tell people that she has lung cancer they assume that she 'brought it on herself' which makes me VERY angry so I begin every explanation with 'she never smoked' which makes smokers angry, so you can't win! Now, that you have heard me vent....
CANCER IS HELL - it's hell on earth for the person fighting it and the loved ones who have to stand by helpless, at the mercy of doctors, who I personally have grown to realize KNOW about as much as I do about treatment. I suggested a drug to Mom's oncologist that I had read about being given to elderly patients and 'low and behold' at the very next visit he has ordered that very chemo treatment to give her! I feel like I am the doctor.

Sorry, back to YOU. You are not alone, there are thousands, millions of people around the world watching loved ones die of this horrible disease. If you are a person of faith then it may help to pray and ask for God's help, even if you are not, it may help. I am by no means the PERFECT Christian. I was so angry at God when Mom was diagnosed. Did you not feel that she was so good - and wonder why GOD would strike such a wonderful person as your Mother down with such a horrific way to suffer? If you did not, then you are super human. I don't see how you are doing what you are doing - God surely will bless you in some kind of special way for being the saint you are! I don't know how you are holding it together. We all feel this way sometimes. I am lucky, I get a break from it and my brothers and sisters step in and do their part, still I can see it taking it's toll on all of us.
I can only say that we have to form a circle of prayer and hope to try to get through it. Find a friend to talk to, ask the doctors if there are resources that can help you with your Mom. Let someone know how you are feeling and what you are going through. YOU NEED TO TALK about it, even to a stranger like me.

I know this doesn't help much, but just rememember that the Bible tells us "Cast they burdon upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."
Psalms 55:22

may God bless and keep you and your Mother in the palm of his hand - after all, his eye is on the sparrow, you KNOW he's watching YOU.
I am Jenny's MOM

kevin..i feel your pain..and everyone else's on this board. cancer is a demon that just won't die. i hate it. i never had to deal w/ it b4 this yr.

my dear, dear father was diagnosed in july. we thought it was his heart acting up as he was very tired all the time and he has a leaky heart valve. but no...it was stomach cancer.

he had surgery to remove 40% of his stomach (& all the cancer there) in august..but they found alot of spreading. to his liver, lymph nodes and colon. the liver has 20-30 some odd nodes. not good. they have essentially given him months to live.

he has stated chemo and does a 2 hours+ drip of oxilplatin every 3rd monday and that day he starts the pill form of capecitabine (xeloda)he takes 4000mgs 2ce a day. so far he only feels like crap the 2nd week. but he is very weak and tired. which is hard cuz he is a go-go-go kind of guy.

my folks moved to WI to be near me when my daughter was born and diagnosed w/ autism. they have a special bond. my folks & i bought a side by side duplex. i am the primary caregiver. other than my mom. but they are both 74, so she needs lots of help. i am the youngest of 6 and it is sad...only 1 sister has been involved and up here to help..and she lives 8 hours away. i have 3 brothers who all live within 3 hours...and nothing from them! they call and talk like it's affecting them...and when they know things are really bad...still no visits from them. i am at witts end and just so sad!!!

i suggest that you try to get out a little. and try to go to a support meeting for caregivers.i live in a small town..so the meetings aren't easily accessible. but i know i need to go.

my thoughts are with you...and all those who come to this board. we are in a group that nobody wants to be in...nor can people really understand what we are going through if they haven't had cancer touch their lives. peace to all, kris

Thank you steeda:

I Thank you for your time & response. it's good to know that somebody is out there to talk to.

Thank you Jenny's mom:
I appreciate the love that you send to my family & I. That's the support I need because when I get up in my head & start talking to myself, I get crazy. So I agree learning to talk about it, even to a stranger like you is the best thing that I can do. I feel so much better. Sorry about your mom's situation with lung cancer. I feel your pain as well. You are so right about the doctors and what they know about cancer. I watched my mom's doctors argue about what was the best chemo for her. I said damm. How can I be sure that they know what they are talking about if they can't agree on a treatment. I have to increase my faith with God is what I am slowly starting to understand. Trials are necessary to establish truth. I did ask God, "why my mom at first". Then something said,"why not your mom?" I look at my Uncles who drank and did drugs for the majority of their lives. And look at my mom who never even smoked!! I don't like the hand that she was delt at all. Much resentment is felt right now. I feel relieved when I reach out & talk. When I listen to others & how they got through similar situations, I see that this too shall past. I pray that this message reaches you & your family in the best of health & spirit.
God Bless.

Hello there, I wish I could reach out and touch you to let you know that I understand. There is nothing that anyone can say to make the pain go away but maybe knowing that we do care and understand will help in some way.

I am going through breast cancer at the moment, and so is my mum who is 86 and my dad who is 89 has bowel cancer, is partly blind and deaf and the Senile Dementia is setting in. I am sole carer. I do understand therefore how difficult it must be for you. It is so painful to watch mum and dad who were so quick witted and lively up to a couple of years ago suddenly become the children in my family. Caring is a very lonely place to be. Hang on in there and know that you will get through all this and come out the other side. I am new to this particular site but it seems that you have people here who care and are here to listen for you. You will be helped by them and one day be able to feel strong again.

I don't know where I stand on religion, I guess if anything I tend towards Buddhism as I think life of any kind is so precious and I find that when I need strength I can meditate and search out my INNER strength to see me through the nights. Maybe this might help you a little too although it takes a while to get used to it.

My thoughts are with you. RUGBY xx

thank you rugby. I will keep you and your family in my prayer

no, radiation is not an option.

sorry to hear about your situation lippy. Damm!!!
I wish I could find the words to say. I think people like us are special in God's sight because we are faced with so much. God must know how truly strong we really are because it is said that he will never give us more than we can handle. Sorry i couldn't get back to you sooner. I was told by a friend who faced the same dilemma 5 yrs ago that all we can do is pray for them & make them comfortable in there last days. Hard pill to swollow but if he can do it, so can I...if I can do it so can you... we have this whole web site full of peaple who have already done it. You holla back at me. Peace