What To Say!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COULD SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT TO SAY??????????

My sister was diagnoised in May with this awful illness..it was at stage 4.. no operation would do any good.. she also had to have a stint because the bile duct was blocked......right from the start this was a very agressive cancer with no warnings only problem was GAS!!.....we are now in November after 5 rounds of 5 day agressive chemo.....this woman has gone from 14stone... to 6 stone in that time....... no amount of coaxing could get her to eat or drink with out upsetting her and causing all kinds of concern.... the emergency room was only visited twice...THANK GOD!!!! ...(THAT ALONE IS A TRAUMOR ON ITS OWN).......We are now just waiting to be honest!!! ...WHAT do we say? this woman is the most respected tender gentle woman......WHAT ???? do you say ...whan she asks.....WHY????????? am i not getting better!!!!!!!??????????....We have been honest with her all the way as she wanted but we cannot bring ourselves to say what is now about to happen any time very soon... she is very weak and can hardley keep her eyes open...........

Readign back this is a rant i can see but a we are beside ourselves with not knowing what to say aprt from that she is LOVED VERY MUCH and we are trying to make her as comfortable as we can!!!!!!

ANY ADVISE PLEASE...............

Is there hospice care where you are? Call someone at her doctor's office and ask if that is appropriate at this time.

Is she on any treatments for the cancer? Are you her main caregiver? If so, you have the right, the obligation, to seek more help in this situation for both of you.

The few people I've seen in similar situations already knew what was going to happen, they were just seeking verification and approval. Maybe your sister is the same?

It's too harsh to say "it wasn't caught in time" or suggest that she use her awake time to make final arrangements. That is what hospice can do if the situation is terminal.

Best of luck to you both and please keep me posted.

thankyou for the quick reply......

no hospice is organised as yet we just dont know what to do.. we have had no help or support... i dont know if you know of anywhere in miami that could give us the support that we need... although the hospital she has been to have been fantastic and the doctor who is looking after her...we have been left on our own with out any help after she comes out... we spoke to her doctor yesterday after pageing him for most fo the day..... he has said there is nothing we can do but make her comfortable......
i know if we were in england ...THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN....but over here there are too many litigations and people will not say things incase they are sued!!!!!so we are on our own......evryday now for the last 4 days my sister has aksed me why am i not getting better....the stint started to weep again thismorning with a slight infection so i have dressed it and started the anibiotics again much to her disgust......meal times are very strenuous for her as she knows she has to eat to stay strong...but within a few moments the nausea returns and we do the full circle again.....i could go on for days i just found this web site by accident as i cannot believe there is no support network over here..... in england we would have nurses in everyday at this stage..... or like you have mentioned a hospice....we did try to get her back to england a few weeks ago the journey was all set..the doctor said it would be ok to go.... but nearere to the date we had to put a stop ....as it was an enormous journey for her to under go..........

Put "Hospice care Miami" into Google and hit search. I just did and there were quite a few. Then pick up the phone and start calling. I don't think this site will allow me to put all of the information on all of the sites here, but it's an easy search.

Some charge for their services, some are non-profit, some are covered by insurance and most will take Medicaid and Medicare depending on what the state has okayed.

They have the answers to help you and your sister. They also monitor the pain drugs and such that are so essential at this time.

Please let me know what you find out and if you're able to get help. If not, I'll try to do what I can from here. I know a couple of people in the Miami area and though this type of thing is not their "strong suit" someone may have experience that I don't know about yet.

My best to you and hang in there.

A BIG THANKYOU LOGICAT...... i will do that as soon as......will be in touch.... thanks again... monicax

peace monzag:
You sound so familiar. This is the perplexing situation that I as well as most of the people on this board have faced when we were first informed about our loved ones. I pray for you sister. When I was told about my mom's stage IV stomach cancer, I told her right then & there. I never was good at telling lies. I think that if she wants to know... you or somebody in the family who is strong enough to tell her should. But then again, everyone takes bad news different. She might already know but doesn't want to face it. Denial hurts some people & helps others because they are not ready for the truth. Light is needed but too much light at one time is blinding. Right now I think that you should find out all you can about the type of cancer she's facing & see what options she has. Take time to pray & talk about what you are going through. The hell with thoose who get tired of listening!!! Some people might not know what it's like to have a loved one who has cancer. But the way this thing is going around, chances are they soon will. Sad to say but it's the truth. Even a blind man can see that!! Give time, "time". Stay in touch with some people on this board. You have experienced doctors & nurse who check in. They have been very helpful to me by thier responses to others. Peace