Switching Oncologists

Please help! 

My husband and I want desperately to switch him to a different oncologist.  The current physician is so very discouraging.  We want to have someone who knows that the disease is serious but can talk to us with some compassion.  This one only says things like "I can't guarantee you'll be here next year."  This goes on at every visit. (My husband is on a chemo regimen.)

Today, my husband spoke with the manager of the office and asked to change doctors.  She called back saying that she spoke to the doctor we requested, and he said that the current physician is a good one and that he is giving the correct treatment.  We know that.  That's not the problem!  It's his personality and lack of kindness.

What can we do?  There's only the one office in our town.  There are about 4 oncologists there, plus one who is a palliative care physician.

If anyone has had a similar issue please tell me how you dealt with it.

Thank you so much......

      Eileen
 

 

 

You need to switch Doctors. It is inexcusable for him to say that to you. My husband's oncologist will not be specific about life expectancy. He said "our patients continue to surprise us every day" so there is no way we can give a specific amount of time. We are 10 months out from his diagnosis of stage IIIa squamous cell lung cancer and he is now in remission. Recent bronchoscopy and 8 biopsies show no cancer. Keep the faith and do insist on changing Doctors. Find one with a personality.

I can sympathize with you...my husband, who was 67 at the time, was dianosed last October with Stage 3 B non-small cell lung cancer...I am in central Fla and the Dr that we had was extremely arrogant and had the worst bedside manner I have ever seen. He didn't return phone calls, took 2 minutes per patient of his time....we had to have his Procrit and Neulasta sent from our mail order pharmacy. It took him almost 2 weeks (one scheduled appt had to be cancelled because of this) to give in to give us the order for the meds....they make a ton of money per chemo patient per year...this was a momonetary loss for him and he knew it...on top of that, I took him to the office one time because his hemoglobin was so low...he was becoming very symptomatic..the dr asked why we were there...we explained the problem my husband was having..the dr could have cared less...he never ordered a STAT for blood work.....only blood work that he had his nurse call us the next day and say that he needed to have my husband in STAT because his hemoglobin was way too low...while he was there that day, the recent MRI/contrast scan results came in...he would not tell us the whole day...finally when we were leaving and I had the secretary send his paperwork to another oncologist..as we made the decision to change..he came in and said.."by the way, the tumor is gone."..turned on his heels and left..no explanation, only arrogance...we were shocked and asked the nurse to please explain those results..she went to get the Dr again..he told her to tell us to make an appt, that my husband was no longer his patient..what arrogance and certainly no ethics!!!! I did report him as well as I was able to....my husband was in remainder of chemo with another oncologist that was as caring as he could be...I feel that oncologists deal with so much..they become detached in a way from their patients. but they need to have compassion..we are hurting people and need that caring...even if it is only falsely put on....my husband only stayed in remission for a few months and succombed to the cancer in July..it had metatasized to his adrenal glands and the pericardium surrounding the heart...a HUGE void it has left in my life....I, by no means, mean to be discouraging to you..every cancer is different, as is every remission...prayerfully, yours will give you alot of time together. Cherish every moment that you have.....have no regrets...if you have faith in  God, let it sustain you as it has me....I am a Christian, saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that we will be together again some day....may God Bless you..stay in prayer and make the most of every day together...

Eileen,

I agree with everyone who has responded...you need to change doctors.  I'm not sure where you are located, but if there is a major city that you could travel to when needed it would be well worth your time and effort.  A major part of winning the cancer battle besides the treatment is a positive attitude and the will to win.  That's difficult to do when your doctor is so negative and offers no support.

You are in my prayers that you are able to locate a doctor who is professional and has a heart and compassion.

Tranquillity

 

On 11/13/2007 Cropsey wrote:

Please help! 

My husband and I want desperately to switch him to a different oncologist.  The current physician is so very discouraging.  We want to have someone who knows that the disease is serious but can talk to us with some compassion.  This one only says things like "I can't guarantee you'll be here next year."  This goes on at every visit. (My husband is on a chemo regimen.)

Today, my husband spoke with the manager of the office and asked to change doctors.  She called back saying that she spoke to the doctor we requested, and he said that the current physician is a good one and that he is giving the correct treatment.  We know that.  That's not the problem!  It's his personality and lack of kindness.

What can we do?  There's only the one office in our town.  There are about 4 oncologists there, plus one who is a palliative care physician.

If anyone has had a similar issue please tell me how you dealt with it.

Thank you so much......

      Eileen
 

 

 

Hello, my mother has pancreatic cancer and the cancer center here has four doctors. One of them sounds just like the one you are describing. He even went so far as to tell her if she had any hopes of beating this, then she needed to reconsider and realize that she was dying. She was down for two weeks after that visit, like she just gave up. My sister-in-law called the center and told them how rude and cold-hearted he was and that we refused to see him again.She also told them that we expected an apology from him. When the visit came around to see him, we refused and went straight on in for the chemo next door. While we were waiting on the nurse to fix the chemo, the doctor came in and ask if we could come into a room with him. My mother finally agreed.Once we were in the room with the door shut, my brother and myself went off on him.I told him I didn't see how he could lay his head down at night and actually sleep. He stood up walked over to my mother and apologized. He said he was very sorry and that it would never happen again.We've only seenhim once more since then and he has a whole new attitude.I think sometimes they just don't realize the toll this takes on the victim of this awful disease and the family. We have spoken to several other patience and they have all noticed the difference in his attitude and "bedside manner". It is so important to keep their hopes and spirits up throughout this and something like this can really destroy a person inside. Just keep telling your husband to not pay him any attention. If nothing else, maybe you could consider another center in another town close by.I wish you and your husband the best.My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

 

On 11/13/2007 Cropsey wrote:

Please help! 

My husband and I want desperately to switch him to a different oncologist.  The current physician is so very discouraging.  We want to have someone who knows that the disease is serious but can talk to us with some compassion.  This one only says things like "I can't guarantee you'll be here next year."  This goes on at every visit. (My husband is on a chemo regimen.)

Today, my husband spoke with the manager of the office and asked to change doctors.  She called back saying that she spoke to the doctor we requested, and he said that the current physician is a good one and that he is giving the correct treatment.  We know that.  That's not the problem!  It's his personality and lack of kindness.

What can we do?  There's only the one office in our town.  There are about 4 oncologists there, plus one who is a palliative care physician.

If anyone has had a similar issue please tell me how you dealt with it.

Thank you so much......

      Eileen
 

 

 

Eileen,

 I was diagnosed with breast cancer last Oct and was assigned to one office and he had no personality and never explained anything to me. I called my primary doctor and changed.and I am with a wonderful doctor. So it is my prayer that you will be able to change ...trust your spirit ...

It makes all the difference in the total care .

Rett

 

 

 

My husband's doctor was alot like yours.  My husband was diagnosed over 2 years ago with stafe 4 colon cancer at age 35.  His doctor continually made references to the him not being around in the future,  The first time we ever met the dr. he gave my husband two years to live.  Every time I tried to find some hope the dr shot us down.  It got to the point that I would get sick when we would go see him for an appt.  We found another dr an hour away at Ohio State but she wasn't any better and just echoed what the first dr said.  Neither dr would do a PET scan because they "knew" that the spots on his liver were cancer, even though his enzymes weren't elevated and the they never changed size through a year of chemo.  Through a lady on this board I found a new dr at Ohio State who was more of a general oncologist instead of specializing in just the colon.  He is wonderful.  We stopped seeing the other two dr.'s got the PET scan done, was told the spots on the liver weren't cancer they were cysts and stopped chemo.  Two years from the diagnosis, almost to the day, instead of being dead, my husband and I had our third child.  Long story short, it's hard at the time to know what to do but keep trying to find someone else even if you have to travel.  Hope is such an important thing.  Many doctors don't want to give it but once you find one that will it makes such a difficult time a little easier.  Major universities are a good place to start looking for a better doctor.  I wish you the best!

Hi,

I would advise switching right away. I went to a doctor for a second opinion before my genetic testing. She said to me without batting an eyelash, "If you test positive, they'll probably want to remove both breasts and your ovaries - and probably your uterus too, since your mother had that cancer also." She said if I was positive, then I would just be waiting to get cancer (which is not true). left there with my head spinning. She dropped a bomb with absolutely no sensitivity. I replied, "I can deal with my ovaries and uterus being removed, but the breasts is a whole different thing." Then she said, like it was no big deal, "Well, today there's breast reconstruction..." When I told this story to one of my friends, she reacted by saying, "What is she...nuts??!"

When I went to Dana Farber in Boston for the testing, they said that she never should have said that. Most of those who test positive opt for intensive monitoring and may have their ovaries removed. Very few get their breasts removed.

Luckily, my test came back negative. It's likely that the gene is in my family, but I don't have it. I also recently changed gyn's (after 15 years) because she also demonstrated complete insensitivity, when I was going through all of this, by getting mad at me - because I didn't specify why I wanted my records transferred.

You don't need this additional stress in your lives right now. There is always hope. I now have a sensitive doctor who is reassuring and considerate. I wish I had made the change years ago. Good luck!

 

 

On 11/13/2007 Cropsey wrote:

Please help! 

My husband and I want desperately to switch him to a different oncologist.  The current physician is so very discouraging.  We want to have someone who knows that the disease is serious but can talk to us with some compassion.  This one only says things like "I can't guarantee you'll be here next year."  This goes on at every visit. (My husband is on a chemo regimen.)

Today, my husband spoke with the manager of the office and asked to change doctors.  She called back saying that she spoke to the doctor we requested, and he said that the current physician is a good one and that he is giving the correct treatment.  We know that.  That's not the problem!  It's his personality and lack of kindness.

What can we do?  There's only the one office in our town.  There are about 4 oncologists there, plus one who is a palliative care physician.

If anyone has had a similar issue please tell me how you dealt with it.

Thank you so much......

      Eileen
 

Some practices allow change of MD for personbality or emotional (or lack thereof) reasons which seems respectful. A good oncologistis kind and positive along with being medically adept.  My sister's onc. will say "There's no gaurantees" but she will also offer hope.  Who knows, maybe this guy was criticized for giving false hope.  Your husband deserves kind treatment.

Hayes /Catherine

 

 

It's great that you are contributing to the message board even though your husband does not have cancer.  It helps morale to hear success stories, although we should be able to share what ever fellow-sufferers are experiencing.  The "odds" are not what we wish they were but some people do have long-term survival or find out they were misdiagnosed.

Hayes/ Catherine