Our Story...

Hello.  I am not sure why I am writing this here.  I may be just venting some thoughts out to people who may actually know what I am feeling.  I am going to begin this message with "I love you Mom".

My mom had breast cancer at the age of 43.  We were shocked as there is no cancer in our family.  My mother had a mastectomy along with 6 months of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation.  Her cancer appeared to be fairly aggressive and the outlook was not that positive.  She survived!  10 years later she was still a miracle!  Keep that in mind to anyone who knows a person battling Breast Cancer.  She was 43 with an aggressive tumor that had begun to spread through the lymph nodes and she beat it!

My mom raised me on her own and I was her only child.  We were always close but, after her battle with breast cancer our relationship was even stronger as we were also stronger for getting through such a difficult time.

Last December 2006 my mother began to notice an uncomfortable stomach problem.  It seemed like indigestion but, it never got better.  It gradually turned into a swallowing problem as well.  She began to loose weight from the feeling of fullness as well as the other symptoms.  She visited with her family doctor numerous times from January to May of this year.  She would receive new medications and even a barium test which showed very little.  The blood tests came back with nothing alarming and so, as the symptoms got worse she would press her doctor for further testing.  Eventually in May she received an endoscopy which revealed a very large ulcer/tumor in her upper stomach.  It was confirmed within 2 weeks that it was indeed Stomach Cancer but, not related to any other cancer she may have once had.  It was not secondary.

My mom was 53 this time and it was hard to be up for the battle we were facing this time.  We new the odds and it scared us knowing how long she was struggling with this cancer already.  We were determined to do what we could though and were not ready to throw in the towel by any means.  June 20th was her appointment to have her entire stomach removed but, when the surgeon began the surgery she saw how advanced the cancer was and proceeded to insert a "g-tube" into the stomach and close her stomach back up.  My mom was given 3 to 6 months to live.

We came home and that is when my mom, myself and my mom's sister took a crash course in all there is to know about caring for someone who can not eat or hardly drink.  We learned how to help her get the nutrician she needed through her feeding tube as well as learn all we could to make her comfortable and pain free.  This exhausting time lasted until the end of July so, about a month.  My aunt and I took turns sleeping at my mother's house and my husband worked and took care of our two young children almost on his own.  I would have kept up this pace forever if I needed too but, my mom felt it was time to go to the Palletive Care unit to be better assessed.

My mom passed away August 21st 2007.  She hardly uttered a complaint during this last battle.  She stayed as strong as she could, for as long as she could and I know it was mostly for me.  I miss her so much and I am struggling with the fact that I had to watch her suffer right until the end.

I don't think I am bitter but, at times I just feel consumed by the thoughts of her last weeks and days.  I would give anything to have taken some of her suffering and replace it with some peace.  At least now she is finally cancer free... for good!

As you can tell I am still in the grieving process.  I suspect I always will be but, I also know I have to continue to live and find the enjoyment in life wherever it is.  Right now it is in my family.  My two young children see the world as beautiful and exciting and I remind myself this and that is how I know I will keep going.

Thanks for reading "My Story".

Keep smiling...     

 

 

 

I read "your story", and had to say I am sorry about your mom. I don't blame you one bit though for still grieving, and yes I am sure you always will. I pray for you that one day it will seem easier to "accept", if that is the right words. I am going through this cancer thing right now with my dad, and I know what you mean, seems our lives have changed since he was first diagnosed. I always worry about him.

As for you, just pray that the Lord will give you some peace. You have to be strong for your children. I think you are an awesome daughter for being there, and I know your mom must be smiling down at you saying..." thats my daughter!"

I will keep you in my prayers!

I am so sorry this happened to you and your family.  I lost my Mom on October 1st and she was only 63.  She was diagnosed October 2007 with colon cancer that spread to her liver... in May it went to her lungs, but we thought chemo was doing okay... we had a great family cruise in August, but when we returned she immeidiately took a turn for the worse and we learned it spread all over and was very bad, my Mom was bedridden for seven weeks before she passed.  I am so haunted by those seven weeks, the fear on her face, it was just horrible and I can't seem to get over it.  I have been told by many that eventually those moments will fade andI will remember the good times, but for now I can only explain it as haunted by those terrible moments.  I cry a lot, I think about it a lot and I still feel as this is all unbelievable.  I am sure this is all normal and in time things seem to get less bad, although I don't know anyone gets over losing their Mom, yet alone when you lose them so young, you kind of feel cheated, as if it would be easier to accept if they were older.  Thank you for sharing... take comfort in your kids and their wonderful view of life!  I know it is so hard to smile and you feel guilty if you laugh... but I am sure both our Moms would want us to live!  Easier said than done... trust me, I know.  Take care during this hard holiday season!  God Bless!

I know exactly how you feel.  My mom was diagnosed with lintis plastica in June 2006.  Her health went downhill middle of December 2006.  She passed away end of June 2007.  I remember the horror she went through.  I remember every detail.   I couldn't believe this was happening to her. I wished many times that this was happening to me instead of her.   My mom was always so healthy and I always thought she would live to be in her 90's.  My mom was only 56 years old when she passed away.  Her own mom passed away at age 36 a few months after giving birth to her last child.   Anyways, my mom rarely had any colds.  I think it's a genetics things.  I heard stomach cancer is more prevalent in people with Type A Blood.  My mom had type AB blood. There might be a mutation in your mom's gene.  You should probably get genetic testing.  I definitely will.  Boy, do I miss my mom.  I really loved her so much.  I still think about her every single day and still cry often.  Also, I have three small children ages 4, 2, and 7 1/2 months old.  I remind them everyday how much my mom loves them and I tell them often to speak to their Grandma up in heaven.  Just wanted you to know I can relate.

 

On 11/21/2007 Rchhh wrote:

I read "your story", and had to say I am sorry about your mom. I don't blame you one bit though for still grieving, and yes I am sure you always will. I pray for you that one day it will seem easier to "accept", if that is the right words. I am going through this cancer thing right now with my dad, and I know what you mean, seems our lives have changed since he was first diagnosed. I always worry about him.

As for you, just pray that the Lord will give you some peace. You have to be strong for your children. I think you are an awesome daughter for being there, and I know your mom must be smiling down at you saying..." thats my daughter!"

I will keep you in my prayers!

Thank you very much for your kind words and prayers.  My mother and I were lucky to have eachother and I know I need to concentrate more on that fact.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as well.  Message boards like this definitely remind you that you are not alone.

Take care 

 

 

 

 

On 11/21/2007 Msmittens wrote:

I am so sorry this happened to you and your family.  I lost my Mom on October 1st and she was only 63.  She was diagnosed October 2007 with colon cancer that spread to her liver... in May it went to her lungs, but we thought chemo was doing okay... we had a great family cruise in August, but when we returned she immeidiately took a turn for the worse and we learned it spread all over and was very bad, my Mom was bedridden for seven weeks before she passed.  I am so haunted by those seven weeks, the fear on her face, it was just horrible and I can't seem to get over it.  I have been told by many that eventually those moments will fade andI will remember the good times, but for now I can only explain it as haunted by those terrible moments.  I cry a lot, I think about it a lot and I still feel as this is all unbelievable.  I am sure this is all normal and in time things seem to get less bad, although I don't know anyone gets over losing their Mom, yet alone when you lose them so young, you kind of feel cheated, as if it would be easier to accept if they were older.  Thank you for sharing... take comfort in your kids and their wonderful view of life!  I know it is so hard to smile and you feel guilty if you laugh... but I am sure both our Moms would want us to live!  Easier said than done... trust me, I know.  Take care during this hard holiday season!  God Bless!

Thank you for your message.  It is terrible to know there are so many other people that really do know how I feel but, in some way it is almost comforting too... does that make sense?  I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.  I have experienced many of the emotions you have described and I hope with time it will get easier for both you, I and all other families that go through this.

Take care 

 

 

On 11/22/2007 Thereishope wrote:

I know exactly how you feel.  My mom was diagnosed with lintis plastica in June 2006.  Her health went downhill middle of December 2006.  She passed away end of June 2007.  I remember the horror she went through.  I remember every detail.   I couldn't believe this was happening to her. I wished many times that this was happening to me instead of her.   My mom was always so healthy and I always thought she would live to be in her 90's.  My mom was only 56 years old when she passed away.  Her own mom passed away at age 36 a few months after giving birth to her last child.   Anyways, my mom rarely had any colds.  I think it's a genetics things.  I heard stomach cancer is more prevalent in people with Type A Blood.  My mom had type AB blood. There might be a mutation in your mom's gene.  You should probably get genetic testing.  I definitely will.  Boy, do I miss my mom.  I really loved her so much.  I still think about her every single day and still cry often.  Also, I have three small children ages 4, 2, and 7 1/2 months old.  I remind them everyday how much my mom loves them and I tell them often to speak to their Grandma up in heaven.  Just wanted you to know I can relate.

After reading your message it brought back a comment that my mom often made after finding out she had cancer again.  My mom said "I am a healthy person really, I just get cancer."  It is true too.

I will agree I am still a bit shocked of what I had to witness my mom go through to finally find the peace she so deserved.  I was also amazed at how I made myself stronger for her.  I just kept thinking that no matter how I feel watching her go through this, imagine what it is like for to actually be going through it.  She never really complained, at least not out loud.  Its weird because I was technically her caretaker and yet, I know she was still taking care of me.

Sounds like you and I were both blessed to have wonderful moms.

Thank you for responding to my message and I hope you find the healing process gets easier with time too. 

Take care