Joan,
I have been on Arimidex for two years. When my hands started giving me horrible problems I talked to my doctor about changing to something else. He asked me to see if I could manage the problems and stay on it because it's the best thing going for my er+ pr- HER2- breast cancer. The pain and problems, d' Quervanes (similar to carpal tunnel syndrome but in the thumb), "trigger-finger", stiffness, pain etc. were a real problem due to the types of work I do, not to mention the normal day to day activities and the pain at night, I hung in there. They sent me to an occupational therapist that worked with me and used the most modern teatments and it's helped enormously. The bone pain, mostly in my upper back, neck and hip seem to bother me for a while then settle down for a while. Mostly I have a problem with leg and foot cramps and stiffness but I can put up with those, too.
I guess what I'm telling you is that Arimidex is not easy, but it's worth it if you can tolerate it. A few people can't and have to change to something else. As long as my doctor says to stay on it, I will. I'm 2 years out of treatments and this Saturday will be my 3 year anniversary of finding the tumor. It's been a tough 3 years, but I'm still here, and loving every minute of it.
I certainly don't have the heart wrenching problems that you're dealing with and wish you and your husband the best. May your discomfort with Arimidex ease and you're able to give quality time to your boys. I don't know that I can help in any way but if you just need to vent or ask questions, please do.