Post Surgery Needs..

Hello Everyone,

We have a neighbor who has just had a recurrence of ovarian cancer. She had extensive surgery and will soon return home. I haven't known this woman very long but I need to help in any way possible. I've lost close family members to cancer, but I've known their needs, comforts, etc. and therefore was able to sense how I could help. I would appreciate any ideas, large or small, that would point me in the right direction. I know the obvious things such as dinners for the kids, etc., but please tell me what special things you've had done for you. I'd like to rally the troops and help in any way possible. Thank You!

Mary

After my husband had surgery to remove his Melanoma and lymph nodes, we had family and friends who volunteered to help in any way they could.  As my husband's surgery was scheduled I had two weeks to plan for the event.  I had dinners made and frozen, I had stocked up on everything I thought we would need, including having a TV mounted on the wall in a spare bedroom.  It gave me something I could control.

It amazed me that the one thing that really lifted his spirits was when his friends came to visit.  They listened to his adventure at the hospital and his concerns for the future.  Then the conversation would turn to everyday events, hunting, horses, work, politics, the impossible females in their lives...etc.   It took him out of the world of cancer, even if only for a moment.  I used that valuable lesson to do all I could to keep him involved in the world of the living. 

My husband had never missed a day of work in our 26 years of marriage.  For him, keeping him busy was very, very important.  My sister and I would plot together regarding chores that no one else but my husband could do for us.  It really made a huge difference in his attitude & recovery.  I suppose it gave him something he could control.

this might surprise you but i actually wanted to get  jokes on my computer, all the time: its called laugh therapy! also phone calls, visits, just people showing interest & trying to get my mind off the beast!    harriet

On 12/18/2007 maryelizabeth wrote:

Hello Everyone,

We have a neighbor who has just had a recurrence of ovarian cancer. She had extensive surgery and will soon return home. I haven't known this woman very long but I need to help in any way possible. I've lost close family members to cancer, but I've known their needs, comforts, etc. and therefore was able to sense how I could help. I would appreciate any ideas, large or small, that would point me in the right direction. I know the obvious things such as dinners for the kids, etc., but please tell me what special things you've had done for you. I'd like to rally the troops and help in any way possible. Thank You!

Mary

Hi Mary,

I've had breast cancer surgery 2x and ovarian cancer surgery and I can tell you what I appreciated the most was company as it can get very lonely home alone and I felt safer when someone was with me in the event I could not get up safely from the sofa.  In addition, some chores for 6-8 weeks would be greatly appreciated, such as laundry, dusting & vacuming and running some errands (such as food shopping, etc.)  I received food baskets and some meals from friends and relatives but nothing was appreciated nearly as much as the company and the light chores!

Gashenka

I looked after my mom for six months after her surgery until she passed away Oct 31.  She wasn't able to eat or get around much.  One of the nicest things someone did for her was bring church to her bedroom as she couldn't get out.

Singing cheerful hymns and a short (emphsize short) encouraging message was really a lovely time for her.  (Don't read Psalm 23... its kind of a downer) 

What a sweet person you are to get down in the dirt and help.

Jeanette 

Hi,

I've had 4 surgeries and many many chemo cycles.

I've appreciated many of the things people have already mentioned. The main thing that is suggested is to ask the person for specific things they would like assistance with. For example, instead of saying: "let me know if there is anything you need ", specify:"would you like me to get some groceries? would you like me to just sit here?"

 When I first arrive back from surgery, I have friends rotate for the first 72hours, day AND night - people sleep over. That is very reassuring, as the nights can be very scary.

You didn't mention whether this friend lives with a partner or how old her kids are, but I'm sure that they, too, could use someone at night.

I worry about the children: if they are youngish, could one organize for them to be invited to friends' house for supper and doing homework together? Moms worry a lot about not being able to help their children with their homework and not being able to take care of their kids' basic needs?

Perhaps make a point of asking her whether the kids' clothes in particular need to be washed, ironed, whether they need school supplies?

Who is communicating with the school about the situation?

About food, I found that I could eat very little and very selectively, so when food is sent to the house, if you'd like Mom to be able to benefit as well, just ask what she would like: yogurt? apply sauce? more hardy stuff?

Find out what the children's favorite meals are and perhaps prepare these.

Take the children to a movie or other fun activity. They need a break too.

I found that laughter was amazing. I tuned in once to Alan Funt's Candid Camera, and it was so relieving. There is a whole literature out there about the healing effect of laughter. So, America's Funniest Videos, and any other such programs, DVD's of favorite comedians and movies, e.g. Robin  Williams, Seinfeld, ASK!

How about getting someone to the house to do her hair? You know we women are with hair!!!!!!!!!!!!1 It can make us feel like a million dollar.

Also, there is a program called: Look Good Feel Better, that she may have access to through her hospital. The cosmetic industry got together and developed this program, giving women tips on make up they can use to look better, even in hard times. They also give tons of samples at the presentation.

I want to applaud you for getting on this message board to look for ideas of how to help your friend. You are a special person and we would all be lucky to have you as a friend. Your neighbour is a lucky woman!

Hope that helps,

G. 

I applaud everyone on this board, and I thank you for all your suggestions. I realize everyone's needs are different, so I'll just ask! I'm sure I'll be able to figure out where I'm needed. But please...continue to send me whatever you've got in the way of suggestions!!